There's too much Christmas tree in Biology

Just used the phrase "We gayin' this science up" unironically.

Just served my son avocado toast to make sure he never owns a house.

A cat in my lap and a ballot in my hand. This is the future that liberals want. #vote

Bonus #caturday pic because I felt like it.

Happy #caturday this rude boy still won't let me pet him

My pronouns are now sor/ry

I have ugly legs and pretty bones.

Unconscious! At the museum. Tnks fr the prhstry.

I like to leave my windshield shade screen on the passenger seat of my car just so the sun knows what I could've done if I wanted to.

Is it new, Google? Are you sure?

The new librarian seems a bit sus. #catsofbluesky #booksky

Getting dms that start with "hello beautiful" and automatically knowing it's a bit/scam.

Behold, the genders.

You look like you listen to The Fray.

It's eat-the-garden season again and I'm so happy

My plan for the month #happypride

😌

My wife be looking at lakes like "Sup?"

Emo shit on the Internet

Sometimes I like to drink a ton of water and pretend it will fix whatever's wrong with me. I'd like to think that's a sign I've grown as a person

Being sad with a cup of coffee is my personality type.

Somehow while practicing handstands, I've learned how how to make my delts bounce.

Becoming an adult is realizing that corn tortillas are the best food on the planet.

We have to protect our most vulnerable. #protectTransKids

Too much morning. Not enough night

There's not enough time in the day, and if there were enough time in the day I would sleep until there wasn't.

What's wrong babe? You've hardly touched your IUD cake.

The inside of your own head is one of the worst places to be trapped.

I want this for us

Women don't want chocolate for Valentine's Day. They want inalienable rights. #happyvalentinesday

"You don't trust it. You don't trust my shaggy ball" - My wife

And they were, all of them, hella gay.

Someone get me off the sad internet

And check on your loved ones and neighbors if you're safely able to do so.

Getting some much deserved attention

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers With Big Naturals

Sometimes you just really need to spend all day playing Need For Speed with your wife.

Welcome to the Cat Hair Cafe where the added fiber is free.

Perhaps one should not riff while composing one's resume.

Holy shit 2026 did not waste any time becoming super fucked up.

It's important to take time for your hobbies. Even if you're a scary block man.

Can we at least see if 2026 is good before we celebrate it? Like, I want the option to get my money back if I don't like the trial version. #happynewyear

I'm going to write a book consisting entirely of punctuation. It's going to be a period piece.

All I want for Christmas is cheeeeeese

Don't deep fry your fingers, kids. Also probably don't drop fry your finger's kids if that's relevant to you.

Hot dog water...

I've been labelled a propaganda pusher. Who wants to hear about pizza ball propaganda?

When your seven year old wants pizza balls for breakfast, you get up and start making dough (after multiple clarifying questions to figure out what a pizza ball should be).

The Grinch Wears Prada