Julie, love, I’m not visiting your page. I’m just reporting and blocking. Give it a fucking rest

I just went outside to unplug my car and looked up at the perfectly clear sky. The moon looks huge and really bright and so many stars are visible ✨💫 Then I realised it’s so cold my nipples were like tic tacs and my penis was like a press-stud so I went back inside

Just checked work emails for the first time in 2 weeks. Nothing important. Deleted the lot ✅

At about 3pm the Ikea busy times thing on Google maps looks like me when I wake up

TNG: 1 episode, waiter in Ten Forward. Serves fake scotch

Microsoft actually got back to me about a problem with an assessment, and they said I had 2 days to respond or they’d close the case. 4 days later they’ve followed up on it, which means they didn’t close the case and this is why I don’t trust anyone

Reactivated

I believe there to be some homosexuality occurring in this app 🧐

I’ve been multi-julied today

Just back from my first visit of the year to the gym.

I think America just threatened to invade Iran. Have they not heard of the Prime Directive?

My parents when they're expecting visitors: "Right. We need to heat the house to 35C"

Oh, hi Julie

YouTube ‘Qualified nutritionist’: “I was SHOCKED to find my breakfast orange juice and granola bar contained sugar!!” Sounds like you skipped a few lectures, Rachel, because this is basic stuff

In 2026 I plan to continue not knowing how The Traitors works

23 weeks until the nights start drawing in

Voyager: Counterpoint - Captain Janeway approaches the Devore inspector: “Nervous?” My brain autocompletes:

Pretty sure I’ve wasted these 2 weeks off work. I’d do it again though

I don’t really know what you mean when you say you had an edible. I’m nibbling on a chocolate finger which I assume is similar

📺 Jessica Fletcher is using a “notebook computer” to write her novel. What was popular in the 90s? Ami Pro maybe.

Tomorrow is just a normal day. Just your average Th… Wed… Fffriiiiday?? Yeah. That one.

Scrambled eggs on wholemeal toast with steamed broccoli 🥰 Also a slice of cheesecake with fresh whipped cream because it would only go to waste and that would be irresponsible

If you want a YouTube subscription, sign up on the website, not your phone. It’s about £3 a month more if you pay through the iPhone app

I’m in a free trial of YouTube Premium Lite and tbh I’m missing the little hit I got from hitting ‘Skip’ the millisecond it becomes available

Finished the mini sausage rolls. Broccoli and leeks for the foreseeable

UK news sites (BBC, Guardian) showing photos and video of Anthony Joshua in pain in the crashed car, immediately after two of his friends were killed. 🧐

Oh, I missed it because I was reading about pencils. Why is there an F next to HB? That needs sorting out doesn’t it

How do I stay awake until after the fireworks? I could flick myself maybe

In the summer, people sit right up against the cliffs and if you tell them it’s risky they tell you to fuck off www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/...

Who wants to join Starfleet in 2026

Have you had your last 💦 of the year? If yes, was it special?

I have achieved! It's a small thing, but it's a start so before *you* start, don't.

Oh, it wasn’t “spunky” after all

My year in review: - Books read: 0 - Gigs attended: 0 - Weight gained: some - Blood pressure: under control - Fruit and veg grown: chard, peppers, tomatoes

BBC News keeps pushing this in my face so I have to turn my phone 90 degrees to get a good look each time. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I’m old enough to be outraged by the new Kellogg’s All-Bran recipe. Kellogg’s, if you’re reading this, you’ve totally fucked it up

Nippy out

What does it do? Translates everything into Daily Mail headlines?

Just saying soothing words to my solar inverter after the heat pump pulled too much power for too long and threw it into a panic 🫨

Bins out for the lads

Most of you put your Christmas stuff up a month ago. Still seems quite recent. 11 more of those and you get to do it all again! 😵‍💫

No more chocolate. I found my limit

My minor celebrity interaction is that the second actor to play Hermione Granger’s dad once asked why I was wearing a face mask at the after-show drinks of a Liza Pulman event in Hammersmith in 2022.

The sensible thing to do next week would be to return to work with a can-do attitude, value teamwork and leverage synergies to contribute to the value stream, but fucking hell there must be a better way to spend this limited time on earth

Most people don't know that I spent the first 20 years of my life living in Italy 🤷‍♂️

These bread rolls I got from the local shop for local people are very disappointing. Definitely used the Cholmondley-Warner process there

Vaccine-refuser neighbour who told me I'd get cancer within 6 months is on weight loss injections

Ok. Make sure there’s a huge US flag on it.

Dinner this evening was a tin of chicken and vegetable soup, followed by a fat free Greek yogurt with raspberries and chopped hemp seeds. Luxurious.

I’m going to try not to smoke at all during 2026