Remember, no more wanks until Easter

🤞 www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/ref...

“Kate Thornton’s on the way. Enjoy your day” How, Richard? HOW am I supposed to do that? You literally just said Kate’s on the way. Have a word with yourself. #GreatestHitsRadio

Send Fascinating Aïda to Eurovision

My yaml is being a snarky little bitch

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Still quite tired

I run a specialized hotel and telephone service that provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady for a short while

PifflePay www.theguardian.com/business/202...

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Having a big thick dick isn’t all sunshine and lollipops you know

E 🐠➕🌊 is back baby! #Efficiency

I got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy

Everything feels slightly off today because my pants and socks don’t match

🧐

Anyway, I’m back (once again for the renegade master, D4 damager power to the people) and the trip up to one of the shires and back was uneventful apart from the massive pothole I hit that probably dislocated a sphincter or something

Some of you are excessively pretty and that needs to stop

I’m about to traverse a large portion of the M5. #LargePortion

Does this count the nudes I deleted

Liquid Glass on macOS is such a pile of shit. The site I'm working on has a dark background, and that blue corner is the VS Code window behind it. Both windows are maximised (as much as Apple understands the concept), but they've intentionally made the corners different shapes. Wankers.

I'm refactoring some .net code while playing Step Back In Time at a volume just under the level where my AirPods will tell me off. It's like if Camp Attack at G-A-Y in the late 90s had a nerd room

America is going to invade Greenland while nobody’s looking

In the Jonathan Creek episode Time Waits For Norman, he buys a homeless man a bottle of methylated spirits to drink. Surely that would kill him. Not so nice now is he

I just remembered I have to go to Wotton-under-Edge tomorrow. That sucks. Nobody should have to go to Wotton-under-Edge

The pause in this dialogue in A View To A Kill ruins the scene for me. How did they release this

I just told a woman outside Tesco she was a "Filthy old cow" after she threw a cigarette butt on the ground about 3 metres away from a bin. If we were married, this is how awkward every trip out in public with me would be

New fire lighter just arrived in the post

First Saturday this year where I’ve not had socks all over my radiators

If I open google maps and I’m not signed in, it centres the map on “Gang” in Cornwall. I assume this is because I’m super “street” and it don’t dare disrespec’ me

Google Pixel tv ad: “If your friend asks you a question and the answer’s on your phone, shouldn’t your phone just answer?” No it absolutely should fucking not

If you’re still working you can leave now. It’s ok I cleared it

The new icon for the Alexa app lasted about 3 days then

It's entirely possible, and actually quite likely, that Kate (I actually edited Smash Hits magazine you know) Thornton thinks the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel was painted by a guy called Michael Angelo

Hmmm... a lot to unpack here

It’s my day off but I can still have a Tesco Meal Deal (£3.85)

Kia Finance online services: Functional but clunky. I have at least now completely paid off the finance on the brand new car I bought less than a year ago* *had to use finance to get a big discount from the dealer

I just got an obscure question right on Popmaster because I recognised the tune from Mr Bean's Holiday

Aldi Essentials cookies. 65p for a 250g packet. Not bad. Good taste, reasonable chip to cookie ratio, nice crunch but not solid all the way through. Suggested use: casual snacking, refreshments for a meeting with a client you’re not *that* fussed about

I’ve had my peppermint tea so I’m off to bed to touch myself

Would anyone like a p********* t**?

My cold has completely gone. Record time. My advice is to put as much drugs up your nose as you can

You know sometimes you find someone on here and they’re really hot and also you definitely recognise them, well I wish I could find out if I followed them before and then unfollowed because they’re a dick

Name the film. None of you will get it

Someone at work asked me if I had a nice Christmas

iOS 26.3 baby 😎 No difference tbh

Always good to see a trademark bully lose in court www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Just sitting here in silence, recovering from the day, nibbling on a fig roll and being thankful for my very pretty penis

I am hurme from the Big City (regional)

Today’s desk neighbour is in the Geographical Information Systems team and he keeps talking about his jizz box

Hmmm… I think I prefer a man with medium nipples