Patriot Front members are basically couches. They get covered in sheets, they travel in U-Hauls, and JD Vance is inside them.

Took the Oppenheimer walking tour while here in New Mexico. I didn’t learn much, but I did get to watch the guide slip in and out of a bunch of random women and an Irish accent for 3 and a half hours.

Checks Bluesky. Continues having zero engagement. Closes Bluesky.

Merry 420 to all, and to all a where’s my keys.

Trump is freezing funding to Harvard unless they agree to only hire white people, and I’m genuinely not sure which of those two things would make Harvard worse.

more songs should start with "gunter glieben glauten globen"

Baseball announcers are like “this is the first time in Blue Jays history that a left handed batter from the Dominican Republic has hit 5 singles off breaking balls from right handed pitchers over 6’4” during their first 7 day games in the post-9/11 era.”

“Libs used to like Musk and now they don’t like Musk!!!” Correct. It’s called judging someone on their actions instead of blindly supporting them. Try it.

Fine dining is mostly just proteins that were historically relegated to poor people, prepared as if it was being served in a 1980’s sci-fi film.

Adrien Brody is just now finishing his Oscar acceptance speech.

Trump doesn’t want peace. He wants to give sovereign land to Russia and Israel. If you think an occupation is the same thing as peace, then you are the simple fascist that everyone thought you were.

I have a bathroom scale, but it’s just to see how much I weigh before and after pooping.

I’m constantly thinking “I can act better than that” when I watch TV, but that’s only because Tom Brady is in 17 commercials right now.

As a Prius owner, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to the Tesla community for decidedly taking over our role as the least competent drivers.

Anyone who says British food is bad has clearly never tried Indian curry.

People say baseball is boring, but would a boring game have more than one team named after socks?

Regardless of how you feel about Luigi Mangione, we can all agree that prison body is gonna be fire.

“Geriatric pregnancy” is why you can’t let 22 year old med students name things.

I’ve been listening to Dualipa for months and I still can’t speak a word of Italian.

Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.

Wow, $50k to turn in Brian Thompson’s killer? Thats almost enough to pay for part of a life saving surgery.

I’m glad the anti government/pro free speech people are all for banning TikTok and giving the Twitter guy control of our government.

It’s terrible when insurance execs get assassinated because it usually has to happen pretty quickly.

About to pay hundred of dollars for a sleep study instead of just acknowledging that I shouldn’t watch Korean zombie movies right before bed.

Trump supporters think this guy used to share their views 🤦‍♂️

There’s a 100% chance that Trump chose Scott Turner for this job because “urban” is in the title.

So is Bluesky just AI images and lefty memes for y’all, too? I’m glad to be away from the mouth breathers on X, but I’m still waiting for my algo here to be less boring.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles someone is designing a rad new water slide called Bomb Cyclone

Trump may be a heinous sack of shit who’s actively ruining our government… but making Matt Gaetz resign from congress and then withdrawing him from AG consideration is fucking delicious.