BREAKING – English Translation of the Iran Memorandum Released

New and improved from the first term.

Trump’s lifetime losing streak continues as Iran’s chief negotiator gloats how “The agreement is a record of US failure.”

The White House is an Airbnb being trashed by guests who lied on the application.

Trump said he couldn't understand Obama's Iran deal because, "We're giving a terror nation $150 billion" so he topped it, giving them $300 billion.

Thankfully that White House UFC event wasn’t disrupted with people panicking and stampeding like from “Jaws”, although I wouldn’t mind an ending exchange with Hegseth quietly asking “Trump?” and JD shakes his head, says “No.”

Weird to read a crazed manifesto against the government and think to yourself a couple times, I don’t disagree.

I’m proud to live in a country where you can have a bathroom like this.🎙️

One hundred and forty winks. ⏰

His bedtime is noon so why’s he having trouble staying awake? ⏰

Corrupt leaders watching televised gladiators during primetime is nothing new. 👎

“This is the first age that's ever paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.” ~ Arthur C. Clarke 🦍🦴⬛️☀️

Elon Musk is history’s first trillionaire and I hope he devotes himself to feeding hungry children around the world… his own.

Good thing this president is surrounded by independent thinkers.

Colin Firth as a villain unsurprisingly increases enjoyment.

“I love the inflation.” ~ Donald J. Trump

Trump is offering gold coins from past skirmishes. 💰💰💰

"You know, we're building something in front of the White House that's quite attractive to a lot of people. And maybe we'll never ever take it down." ~ Donald J. Trump 🗽

American families are suffering from an affordability crisis, so the president is selling gold coins to commemorate the upcoming UFC cage fight at the White House. All proceeds go to the needy Trump family. 💲💲💲💵💵💵

Speaker Johnson is loyal to his party.

Trump said the #TonyAwards were rigged.

To be fair, history has taught us everyone’s entitled to a bad day. 🌧️

Trump woke up in a bad mood in the middle of his “Meet the Press” interview.

Kristen Welker on “Meet the Press” kept calling Donald Trump something highly inappropriate... "Mr. President."

The White House announced before the UFC fight on the South Lawn, lucky federal employees who’ve just turned 30 will participate in a Carousel ceremony.

I woke up to the movie “Death Wish” on TV which is the nihilist’s equivalent of “Good Morning America”.

“America is the hottest country in the world.” 🔥

Apparently there's an unrated version of “The Breadwinner” where he says “shucks”.

“Donald Trump has made over 20 cameo appearances in various movies and television shows, most frequently playing himself.”

A CBS News spokesperson unequivocally stated “There is no political interference at CBS News”. ⏱️

A preview of the next 60 Minutes.

The White House announced “The president’s birthday will be a ‘Great American State Fair’ style celebration representing his core values.”

“60 Minutes” is getting renamed “Correspondents Unleashed”.

Here’s what happens if Spencer Pratt becomes Mayor of Los Angeles…

Dr. Oz answers why the president keeps getting so many checkups. 💊

The president assures an uncertain world…

Trump announced the Freedom 250 Concert will be replaced by a rally he promises “will fire people up.” 🔥

Steve McQueen is considered “The King of Cool” as far as onscreen presences, but for me that mantle belongs to Francois Truffaut in “Close Encounters”.

All mail sent to the White House should be addressed “current occupant”.

“Told y'all…” 🌵

There’s still time… ⏳

Ring footage shows a DC porch pirate that leaves in a luxury sedan.

A UFC fighting cage is being constructed on the White House lawn for the first live sporting event to ever take place on the grounds. When the event is over, the cage will be converted into a Stargate.

The revamped “60 Minutes” just advertised an investigative report into crypto schemes within the Vatican, also segments about the healing power of tariffs and a look back at “the lighter side” of Joe McCarthy.

During a cabinet meeting in the midst of a war and economic hardships facing average Americans, the president devoted most of the time talking about swimming pools. 💦

79-year-old Donald Trump returned from his 4th medical checkup in 16 months, bragged he’s “the healthiest and strongest president in U.S. history.”

Pick a Bond villain from the pictures you already have on your phone.