I’ve never had a threesome but I’ve been pinned under the covers between my wife and a large German Shepherd (dog breed, not nationality/occupation) and lemme tell you it gets HOT in the middle of that sandwich. How do orgy enthusiasts sleep? Directed fans? Special center-bed escape hatches?

A friend of mine was bummed out that he broke an old hammer he inherited from his dad, and I cheered him up by explaining that any tool that breaks after a lifetime of honorable use gets to hang on the peg boards of Valhalla alongside Mjölnir.

Don’t let society convince you that you need to get a “beach body” this Spring. Every time I’ve found a body on the beach it was bloated with decomposition and pecked by seabirds anyway.

Creating a stricter code of conduct for this agency will do nothing given that they have proven time and time again that they won’t follow laws or guidelines that are already on the books. Dismantling ICE entirely is the only solution. Schumer isn’t rising to the moment.

These idiots are so bad at metaphors. I'm no nautical expert but I'm pretty sure you could turn around even the largest ship in under an hour. Also, he's saying we're on the freaking TITANIC now? That's not very reassuring!

Jesus Christ, this is like a politician making an appearance at Kent State University in May 1970 just to talk about football. YOU ARE NOT RISING TO THIS MOMENT IN HISTORY, MADAM.

As the saying goes, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

I’d say we are at the “General Ripper from the movie Dr. Strangelove” level of government malfeasance, except that’s kind of unfair since the President in Dr. Strangelove recognized General Ripper was a nut and did everything in their power to stop him.

Everyone knows that if there's one thing Trump has been consistent about it's putting the needs of indigenous communities above those of fossil fuel companies. /s

As a group, prosecutors are not known for being lefty soft-on-crime types. When they start quitting en masse in protest because they don't believe someone should be prosecuted for a crime then it's time to wake the F up.

I remember when the nation collectively decided that Mitt Romney was too out-of-touch to be a President of the People just because he had a car elevator in his home and owned a special dancing horse competing in the Olympics.

Apparently, all those accusations that Trump was building himself an incredibly gaudy private palace were off the mark. It is now clear he intends to build himself an incredibly gaudy private FORTRESS.

I finally got around to reading Asimov's "Foundation" (1951). I don't want to be too critical since all writers are a product of their time but I find it amusing he imagined thousands of years of social changes but couldn't conceive of a universe where women were more than 1950s housewife tropes.

This is about as dark as it gets but I continue to be impressed by all the brave Americans who continue to hold ICE to account by continuing to follow them, protest them and record them even as doing so increasingly carries threat of arrest and even murder. Fuck ICE forever.

Getting “Homestar Runner” flashbacks. Though I can guarantee that even Strong Bad would make a better leader than anyone in this administration.

Ugh, as both an educator and an artist I cannot express how disappointed I am that the President of my union would post this kind of AI slop ripping off the hard work of actual creators.

Nancy Drew and the Maltese Falcon both entered the public domain today, so I guess that means I can finally publish that fanfic novel I’ve been working on.

Never underestimate the power of angry people in large groups and inflatable animal costumes.

I've never seen a greater illustration of the difference between a Producer an actual creator. This man can't even wrap his head around the idea that a brilliant artist like Bill Watterson cares more about preserving the integrity of his work than about getting rich through licensing agreements.

Alternate headline: "Americans aren't eager to waste their money and generate even more e-waste just to enrich billionaires who want to force-feed them gizmos crammed with unwanted AI garbage."

A movie that takes place where you’re from

Just once I want someone to remind Trump that he WAS one of those Democrats for most of his long friendship with Epstein and regularly buddied around with the other Democratic Epstein associates he's accusing.

Didn’t take long to vindicate my “don’t bother praising MTG for her new criticism of Trump, she’s still a thoroughly vile human being” stance.

We are probably only weeks away from Trump confidently proclaiming that no one knows where the sun goes at night.

Because individuals bargaining with giant corporate entities famously experience better outcomes than collective bargaining efforts against giant corporate entities.

American politics makes a lot more sense when you realize that the GOP is afraid of pissing off the GOP base, and the Dems are afraid of pissing off the GOP base, but neither party is afraid of pissing off the Dem base.

@padilla.senate.gov please tell us that you aren’t considering voting in favor of any deal to reopen the government that doesn’t include an iron-clad guarantee of continued funding for the ACA.

@schiff.senate.gov I hope very much that the rumors you are currently in negotiation to reopen the government in exchange for “a promise of a vote” on the ACA are false. Democrats need to hold the line on protecting the ACA. We will remember what our leaders did during this moment in history.

For the life of me I don't understand how Tesla thinks keeping Elon around is a net benefit at all, let alone a benefit worth more than the entire Gross Domestic Product of Switzerland.

One of the reasons this is such a funny cover from the New York Post is that they've been simultaneously trying to frame Mamdani as both a "Jihadi" and a Soviet-style communist even though those groups were mortal enemies (and neither was known to march in Pride parades).

The big downside of tonight's elections is that having a progressive mayor running New York City is going to mean that none of the storylines in the second season of "Daredevil: Born Again" are going to make sense anymore. Did you even CONSIDER the harm that your votes might do to MCU continuity?

My kiddo went all in with her Halloween costume this year: Vi from “Arcane: League of Legends.” (I may have helped a bit with the jacket and gauntlets) #Arcane #Vi #Cosplay

Someone watched the 2008 sci-fi dystopian film "Sleep Dealer" and said to themselves "exploiting poor people to remotely operate robots? BRILLIANT!" ("I wrote the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale," etc…)

“The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I have just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away.” —Tarkin, in a line letting the audience know that the galaxy is ruled by an evil emperor

Republicans get livid when we suggest that all jobs should pay a living wage and then act surprised to learn that many American workers are living in poverty.

Uh-oh, if Canada runs any more ads using Reagan's words to embarrass Trump they might hurt their chance to become the 51st state!

Keeping a human being alive outside of the biosphere we evolved to exist in is kind of like keeping an organ alive outside of the body. You can do it for a little while, but unless it’s going back where it came from or transplanted into a compatible recipient it’s not going to last long.

Work in progress: Atlas power gauntlets as worn by Vi in “Arcane: League of Legends” for my daughter’s Halloween costume. #Arcane #Cosplay

With the AWS outage, now‘s as good a time as any to post this old strip.

The Amazon Web Services outage means that my institution's entire learning platform is offline today (amongst countless other sites and services worldwide). Starting to think that letting a single company control so much of the basic infrastructure the internet depends on might have been a mistake.

Healthcare in the USA remains so bad compared to the rest of the developed world that it's easy for some to imagine the ACA was a failure, but that completely ignores how much *worse* it was before. Yes, let's continue the reform (I'd love single payer) but the ACA was a *major* step forward.

Pretty sure “we’ll have no more paychecks!” wasn’t the takeaway from that Schoolhouse Rock song about “No More Kings.”

This is good. I actually subscribed to the Atlantic specifically because they DID publish that story about Hegseth accidentally including them in that Signal chat. If they abided by this new Pentagon directive they wouldn't be worthy of being called "journalists."

The funniest part is that he decided to deliver this monologue to America’s highest ranking military leaders while standing in front of a giant American flag like he’s doing the opening scene from “Patton.”

I've always wondered: when the robots from the "Alien" universe blush, does that mean their faces go paler instead of turning red?

This is like if some 1930s Energy Secretary announced new programs to help the struggling whale oil industry. It’s not just an unsustainable business model that ravages our planet, it’s also not even profitable anymore!

Hot Take: #StarWars made more sense when only a translator like C-3PO or a text interface like the one in Luke's X-wing allowed humans to understand the bleeps and bloops of an astromech droid. Understanding unaided would be akin to being able to decode the whine of a fax machine or dial-up modem.

AMERICANS: It is horrific an unacceptable that guns continue to be the leading cause of death for American children. We need serious change! RFK JR.: I’m bringing back deadly childhood diseases! AMERICANS: No not like that

@kenwhite.bsky.social in your expert opinion does the Rule of Goats apply to Governor Newsom’s current antics?