Would

Pretending to play hard to get with my gym crush by not looking at him but in reality I’m looking at him through the sidewall mirror

I think the next episode of Heated Rivalry is when Kip and Ilya fuck

Making out in the gym?!

It’s cute that you expect me to not fall in love with you after you say “sup bro?!” and give me a fist bump at the gym

Me and who

Come sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Xmas 🎄 🎅

Ex-wife at the gym while I’m here and if I see any if my 83 gym crushes look at her I’m going to kms

Apple Music Replay outing me (mentally ill)

How it feels to not have a Santa hat on my pfp

Me: I need to get my tits bigger Body Dysmorphia: If your belly was smaller your tits would look bigger 🤨

Taught my kids about the Lana and Azealia Twitter beef today so they are educated

Let’s start an over 30 selfie thread ✨ 31 👀 😉

Ay yo

Hanging out with judgmental gays

Ilya’s ass in this shower scene 🚿😮‍💨 #heatedrivalry

Did I want to get away from family or actually see Zootopia 2

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃 and I’m thankful for all the friends I’ve found on this app 😌

Back on my horseshit (whoreshit)

Going to outlift these straights in my Lana shirt and leopard print shorts 😌

These YouTubers be like “hey, you better like and subscribe to this channel bc if you don’t then your dog will die, and if you don’t have a dog then it’ll be your mom, so yeah”

Hook up made me pupusas, so it looks like the bar has been set

Excited for the first two episodes of Heated Rivalry on Friday 🏒

There’s a special place in Hell for the person who came up with Elf on the Shelf

The reason for the season 🎄 🎅

Sending flirty texts to another straight boy but at least this one doesn’t have a ****

But the shareholders!!!

Daddy and Lil Mama date and we used all the tissues 😭 💚🩷

Fuck your astrological sign, I want to know if you tried the killer Panera caffeinated lemonade when it was out

NW and down a Simon Rex film hole 👀:

Wait, Mercury is in retrograde?! Why didn’t anyone tell me, I would have been acting crazier 😒

Zooming in on bloomf’s thirst trap to look for a wedding ring

Now reading:

Guy that I was convinced was gay and flirty just casually dropped he has a girlfriend

You’re constantly thinking about sex and I’m constantly thinking about needing to suck my gut in, we aren’t the same

Time to ride the carousel 🎠

Just walked into my gym and V*v*k R*m*sw*my was walking out 😒🙄

Daughter knows hardly any multiplication tables but knows 6x7=42 because 6,7 is a thing and 41 was a thing and 42 is beside 41 🙃😵‍💫 Whatever works I guess

Is this too much chest hair for the office?!

Seasonal depression kicking my ass but my arm looks good here, so let’s celebrate that

Just finished the last book in that gay hockey series

Daughter has friends spending the night and she’s having them watch Red, White and Royal Blue

Me after beating my two kids in bowling 🎳

Enough time has passed - Divinize is song of the year

Rise and shine ☀️ ☕️

Got the get a boyfriend or dog ultimatum….again 😭

Me listening to Lux

Cute Finance bro at the office today told me I’m looking jacked so for today we will go with that 😌

Advertising to gym crushes

Started creatine and I’m alternating between thinking I’m a beast and a fat fuck