What the fuck is under my tree rn dawg

zoomer coworker sending me the epstein files on teams sayin "u see this shit yet?

Pony is crazy I'll show up and accidentally piss on the floor cus the bathroom is so dark and do gay paws at someone in ears and tail that looks like someone I know but don't and that's before I have a beer

Woke dinner agenda (menu)

(girl who read the word wrong voice) how many faucets does somebody even need

Damn bro I'm parched #thirsty

my gift to myself this year. i fear i may be spiritually 60

Northern flicker chowing down crazy style

Jumpstyle is back

i wish there were grackles here

27 beers of service back to back shot champs

ive started carrying a pocket full of peanuts cus i see so many crows on my walk to the train stop every morning and theyre now congregating whenever they see me. imagine being stuck in I5 traffic for an hour and not gaining the favor of crows

Trying to imagine the target demographic of the war crime drone strike Gameboy

i wanna be a barista but not the pumpin syrup matcha latte kind the make fun of people for ordering a latte past noon and cafe full of cigarettes at 8pm kind

we ain't freudian slippin i got a freudian statement

id be an awful hired event photographer id just be tryin to shoot birds the whole time theyd blacklist my ass from the guild dog

Fuck my shit up flavor style

Still reeling from Wednesday but had a really good weekend despite it I love my friends

Rest in peace, Hemi 💙

Heartbroken that we had to say goodbye to our favorite house gremlin tonight. 15 well loved years and never hurt for a single one of them. Rest well Hemi I'll always miss you

40 pounds of birdseed these finches gonna remember my name

girls be shopping

this is just driveshaftslop you only feel it because your carrier bearing is shot

Why do they call them bored games if im having fun

The trees in the forest are free u can just take them home

pov you are hungover eating cold pizza at 8am

Hemi fun fact: she loves her Turkish rug

Socializing America one commute at a time #SittingNextToStrangersOnTheTrain

Cash for clunkers won't return my calls

Dry texter? Have they tried moisturizing?

Girls be pissing

Why fall is the best season

Sandwich in a rolled up brown paper bag that's what's up

Girl who just woke up 4 hours ago tysm @shutupjen.bsky.social <3

Stares at you with my big wet eyes

On my government mandated seven mile stroll grindset

bitches always be saying "miner spoiler alert" like okay where's the gold?

old school archaeologists were just in it to aura farm

seattle coworkers move different

submissive and quotable

applying firearms to palliative care

this is just qualityslop you only like it because it's good

Just some bullshit with fur on it