hell no. Doctor Nostalgia's next dastardly plan is to start up the bang bus again. he must be stopped

i have decided not to think too hard about how all the villains that wanna defeat me are dudes

accidentally made a villain cum by choking him out today. so i'm just gonna quit being a hero forever i guess

A red squirrel is captured by bandits and tortured for entertainment, what a terrible fate 😔

i think i'm catching feelings for someone... that's right... i'm in love with MY CITY

april *pril p*ril peril peril april watch out heroes i think i just accidentally started the least catchy social media trend

(walks into the crime scene, takes off sunglasses, takes long drag of a thc vape) looks like our guy got ryona'd... gyaku style

obviously when i defeat you in combat it is going to hurt. but if you go into it with a little more humility it will at least only hurt physically instead of also emotionally

no i will not stop getting my ass kicked long enough to pose for a photo. i will get back to you when i have more control of the situation

somehow got convinced to come to a party with a bunch of professional city-sponsored heroes. everyone here is padding their bulges, i'm sure of it

Big iced tea matchup on Friday

just caught a hero and a villain getting into a big fight in the city square. it was long and drawn out and it took 45 minutes for them to realize they were both bottoms and it was going nowhere

what they don't tell you when you sign up for the Heroes League is you have to take week long shifts being the hero that gets their asses beaten by villains to make the villains look dangerous

spandex tattered, head swimming, ears ringing, body leaned up against the brick wall on one side of an alleyway, bleeding from the thigh, pec, and cheek, our hero at least has the presence of mind to post a selfie for the pity clout

pathetic. i must return to form

reminder that if i don't post a post-gym selfie by 1:30 pm eastern time you all can beat me up. or refuse to beat me up

real talk. been skipping the gym for a couple months now due to a combination of mental and physical factors i'm gonna need to be bullied into going back regularly starting tomorrow. i'll post selfies i promise

hey big dog. i saw you put nipples on a thing that doesn't normally have nipples. we should hang out

been thinking a lot about kicks and knee strikes to the torso area lately

the internet needs more files named shirtless_animal_dude.jpg

i want to be very up front about this: my shadow powers are fierce weapons of justice, not sex tentacles. unless you're cool. then we can talk

omegaverse? no. omegasub. that's the whole point

we should stop taking villains to jail where they'll just break out a week later completely unrehabilitated when what would really fix them is a prostate orgasm

coach did a bangup job on making sure the fans got a new print for their walls. i do it all for my city

wow so these criminal scum figured out my patrol cadence and showed up in the streets with no fucking pants on. listen if you want me to do you you gotta be less obviously desperate. yeesh

writing a letter to superhero government because they won't fix the potholes their flashy three point landings are creating

spent my morning helping rebuild the decoy bank all the rookie supervillains rob so they can gain confidence

i look at us. anthros. we are ascended. we are capable of complex thoughts and reasoning. physical advancements no mere beast could dream of. lizards with nipples

just ran across Grape Ruiner at the superhero grocery store. why do they keep letting that motherfucker in here

at the superhero gym. the new year resolution folks who started the year off going straight into the dronification resistance pods are just coming out and yep you guessed it they got dronified. dumbasses. imagine getting dronified by a gym

my part of my art trade with @avocadotiger.bsky.social! don't blink or you'll miss him...!

we have got to do something about how cool heroes look when they've been roughed up a little.

Rapier in hand and prepared to fight! Art trade w/ @c0rndogg.bsky.social Very fun piece!

hanging out with some vigilante friends tonight. """UNFORTUNATELY""" catanboy can't make it

easily defeated a dude who was more interested in ripping my shirt off than landing any punches oh wait he was trying to bang. dammit i gotta stop doing that

bad news: got captured by a villain :( good news: it's one of those villains that just wants to make me cum a lot for some reason

my name is blackout, bun of buns look on my abs ye mighty and despair

anyway if anyone in the streets threatens my city they better be ready to fuckin pay

just got home from vigilante hobby sharing community group therapy. everyone there talked about how their hobby was being defeated and dominated. trying to figure out why i was invited to this group

just got home from the vigilante bars. gotta find a new spot. half the crowd was just civilians who wanted to get selfies or touch my ass

figured out the secret identity of JRPG DEMON and instead of exposing him and defeating him in combat i asked him to teach me how to give me and my opponents hp and status ailments in our duels

sometimes i think street thugs are intelligent folks who just came across hard times and lost their way. and then they try to mug me. when i have literal superpowers. i'm wearing a damn mask, man, do the math

Skunk villain!~

seems kinda really vapid to make funny superhero posts lately but here we go i beat up Professor Blowjob today. turns out his credentials were forged. lots of teeth. got his tenure revoked

lookin for some street toughs or gang bangers to rough up tonight. can't host hmu

woke up in a cold sweat thinking about how i haven't brought anyone who had fallen through the cracks of the justice system their just desserts yet this year

you don't know me

my 2025 vigilante wrapped just came in. stabbed: 5 times power drained: 0 times (!!!) mind controlled: 2 mind controlled (consensual): 9 hookups with other vigilantes: 14 times the phrase "my city" was used: 293

watching some postseason superhero football. call me old fashioned but this shit needs some more rules dude we have gone too far