100 goddamn dollars for a game and you're not even gonna give me a discount with that shit? For that money it should come with a disc and a reach around. The only grand theft around here is these shit ass game prices! Guess I'll go back to playing the ultimate video game. Zoombinis

Mina the Hollower kicks ass even if I disagree with it on an ontological level. Those monsters are my friends and I had to watch her shove 2 swords right up a rougarous ass! Not sexual! I'd sell my middle testicle to have Jake Kaufman score my life. Taking a shit is better with a chiptune soundtrack

The Steam Contoller is the best advancement in controllers since they made that ad where the Atari joystick looks like a dick. I'm not going to use though. I can't use the touch pads because I'm cold blooded. Both in a gangster type and in a my blood is cold type way.

The GameCube is king of consoles and don't you forget! Mario is mid and the GameCube is based because it launched with a Luigi game. Luigi is scared shitless at all times and still kicks ghosts asses like they stole the rubber bands off his wad of Benjamins. Luigi is my player 1!

I got that top shelf zaza that make your brain go Mode 7.

Playing Tales of Symphonia so I can get zooted off the Tethe'alla loud. I don't care what world you're on I will gank a scrub if he thinks he can be a pusher in my turf. The only Devil Arms I need are the pythons right here! I'm gonna get Sheena to summon you an ass kicking!

In 2004 a group of students from the DigiPen Institute of Technology set out to make a game that subverted one of the most basic tenants of video game design. No jumping.

Knuckles on that grind but my money long. I ain't gotta dig for shit. Them emeralds be coming to me like some door dash pad Thai after a night on that Eatern European Absinthe. Rouge ain't gonna steal shit from me. She ain't half the bat I am and I'm half bat already! Figure that math out dipshit!

We smokin galoombas!

Epic games can dongle a nard! They get rid of more people than I put in the mud. If I ever meet Tim Sweeney, it's on sight and he ain't ready for me when I'm full of Carolina Mule! If I wanted to watch Peter Family Man, Scoob, and Boring Vegeta throw hands I'd play Mugen like God intended!

Simba is out here talking about how he can't wait to be king. I am the king! If you take pot shots at the king you best write your will first. We smoking grubs. Scar ain't prepared for my hands. I'll bury him! The Elephant graveyard ain't nothing tod me man. I was born in Graveyard! Sega 16 bit!

Mario be chasing them coins. I ain't about that. My money long. Bowser tried to come at me once and I put my boot so far up his ass I got bruns from his fireballs. Now the princesses come to me. I got one thing in common with plumbers. Laying pipe.

They should have called it Mega Man XXX because this game fucks! Sigma ain't got shit on me man. Him and his whole crew can get brained. I'm the most Vile thing around. I don't need Homing Torpedo to take out Boomer Kuwanger. I'm a goddamn force of nature you stupid shit!

Elden Ring? Ha! I was already flipping bricks when that ring was new. Godrick ain't got shit on me man. He should have grafted himself a brain. If he had, he could have used all those hands to roll up a J.

Pokopia is for me. I'm on the same vibrations as Ditto. I'm a shapeshifter man. Destroying and recreating the world for a bunch of freaks ain't nothing to me man. I was creating civilizations before you even flipped a brick. Don't come after my Pokémon! I'll gank you, you stupid piece of shit!

Psycho Mantis thought he could scare me. Ha! I'm a demon man. I smoked so much top shelf zaza that he took one peak at my brain and begged for mercy. Forget reading my memory card, he can't even recite the alphabet after I was done with his ass. I gave him a dualshock to the dome! Straight gas!

I hit Pietro with a net until he emigrated. I'm the only clown on this Island. Haha. I bought the Mona Lisa from a fox after I flipped a brick of bugs to that bitch ass raccoon. Isabelle ain't got shit on me man!