getting dragged across the country, constantly threatened with homelessness until the threat is acted on, having to quit every med, and forced into checking urself into a mental hospital.. in my opinion.. crosses the line from character building to just intentional spirit breaking

the First person i talked to out here used to live in fayetteville, which i left. i had been kicked out the night before and finally became that form i had thought about for so long, an inverted ribcage: now the whole world is the heart of me ,and i don't remember what i was before.

strangers ask my name and it takes me too long to tell them

i've been in a hell you wouldn't believe

they don't know im literally laura palmer

i turbo dosed my last estrogen shot and cut my gabapentin in half. very clearly in psychosis but a very clear kind of psychosis. as in i have clarity. i could probably pilot a machine really well

that was a terrible week but there are ways to be set on fire without losing the only things that feel worth believing in. it's not my place to beg, it's my place to tend to the needs i see to the best of my ability. i will do that, i will seize the means available to me and own my life

to be real i would be more forward about sometimes using the name hathaway if it wasn't extremely, horribly obvious where i got it from and how

i just misread "cutiepie" as "cuntipede" and now i have a new goal in life

"sex wouldn't work in zero g" truthers have never seen real lesbians have sex and it shows. zero g would actually make it easier, a lot easier

it's been too long since i dreamed of you.

hi :3

to be real i would rock the name silmeria if it didnt out me as the biggest nerdiest weeb in the realm

are you really good at pretty ideas? are you taking steps to make it real? are you a conceptual being? are you a being who interfaces with the real? have you made your body of pretty ideas or are you making it real? is your body made of skin? have you become more real than your skin?

approaching a particular level of panicked isolation, the last time i was here i drove up a mountain during sunset and it was so pretty at the peak i just fully started weeping and some guy that was also up there looked at me like i just puked on his shoes

woman with infinite pain disease is devoted to the most uncomfortable motorcycle available. story in two parts: i went to a mountain pass and i leaned further than ive ever leaned before. it was beautiful. i then expired and i may not move again for two weeks

i Have to stop having feelings for straight women who are the most obviously closeted lesbians who adore me and can't deal with it i MUST STOP BUT I CANT

i think i will maybe never recover from this, ,mia asked the dog why she was licking her and i said "she's grooming you" and started crying im in dire straits

"i hope you die" is weak, reductive, overused. much stronger is "i hope that after 16 years of yearning you reconnect with the woman who groomed you and she declines further contact because the intensity of feeling is too great". try getting over that

nothing is all and always buried except in protective and illusory dream: all continues in its own way.

at any given moment my current iteration of consciousness is only aware of 5% of the games we've played

(clueless) im going to get so many Likes for this Delivery

birdie

(clueless) omg im so excited to see my wife!!!

the more i burn the further i go. the only things holding me back are my chemical contracts. without those i have the freedom of a spirit calling strangers names in the woods

last year when i was dreaming abt being cut open so i could birth myself into new life i didn't understand how much of my spiritual weavings needed to be cut off to feed the gestation of that new life. nevertheless it's all happening as i dreamed it. im never going to be the same

how it feels to teach someone how to drive in post-covid brain damage epidemic rage reflex 2026

lowkey it feels soooooo good to give up on all the hopes and beliefs i had for humanity. no more will i overextend to trust in the bare minimum. no more will i beg for mercy from ppl who were just luckier than me. you win, you made an individualist out of me, betrayal is the default. i absolve you

ive become a polarizing figure by being sick half to death and very very mentally desperately unwell but the more i give up on the better i am as process with eyes

insane woman with insane woman hair

i asked the postrats for help and they ignored me in favor of discussing how to most favorably treat the algorithms grown in their desktop computers. and in spite of it all i'm still going there because i want to see the trees. dopesick and yearning for moss and fern and tide

is there anything with evil rat bastard nonbinary characters bc all the ones i can think of are more along the lines of heckin valid representation

someone living in philadelphia with poor analyses of the discourse call that a philly cheese take

lesbians with access to medchemexpress gimme gimme gimme i have so many things to try

this protracted breakdown is because i spent all of last year dying and in spite of trying everything i could to keep my hope and love alive i just watched as everyone in my life left bc i wasn't suffering gracefully enough. in spite of everything i survived and there's nothing left of me

luck is the only thing allowing you to live. virtue doesn't live on paper

disabled, losing my apartment, losing all my doctors, losing stable food whatever whatever whatever the point is that it doesn't matter and nobody cares and there are no guardrails and instead of finding pearls to clutch because i'm scared im going to walk right into the fire

ithink this is what elden ring is about

so far ive biohacked myself into nonexistent inflammation, normal energy levels (vast improvement) and the tummy ache to end them all. win some/lose some

snail. compatriot

every day i research my great and terrible project and if i spend longer than five minutes away from researching my great and terrible project im consumed with anxiety as the reality of how little control i have fills my lungs and keeps the air from me

*:

belief is fuel to burn

ilinx is rehabilitation and mobility . i have begged the ocean for sustenance and she only watched me starve . i will ask the mountains to turn the other way . i will take the bitterness of salt water and make it my own; say the waves: "you survived without my sustenance and now you are like me".

i will see the pacific and i will no longer be afraid

i'm part of it whether or not i feel like it and i'm starting to feel like i'm part of it whether or not you let me be. are you part of it? the feeling doesn't matter, are you really part of it?

i've had a terrible number of months

i'm disabled+trans and will be homeless in a matter of weeks. i'm trying to put together savings as i can but it's an uphill battle. help keep me fed and relocate to WA bc better homeless there than in AR. thank u ♡ СА: $perdifoil РР: @\valcierge VМ: @\perdifoil and my 🎶 in ☣️

excision and relapse/rebirth . short on compulsion . too full of compulsion . not enough of me left to be driven . you can't imagine the poison in me now . i miss you so much and you killed the last thing i was . my eyes are open again and nothing is behind them . i wish we could be friends again .