What were those colourful pencils from the 90s? Back from when primary school stationery was fun

Can we sub Xavi? Little fella looks tired

Stop fucking about lads

If you try to shoulder a man the size of Danso in the air and you hurt yourself that's on you.

Tell me we're not parking the bus

At least we're in the correct half of the pitch for a change

OK, I see the problem. Someone makes an attempt, it gets kicked back by the keeper, and NO ONE IS THERE to clean it up.

It's not rugby lads you're allowed to pass forwards

Boring again, ole ole

Perseveration

What is the value in the doomsday clock? "Hey we're slightly closer to all dying horribly!" great thanks?

Willis is wearing a nice dress today. She occasionally crosses paths with a good stylist who hides her red lippy

Went and tried on my great grandma's (great great aunt's? I should check that) fancy pants watch and it is, very sadly, slightly too big. Wondering if old fashioned metal strap watches are meant to sit snug to the skin or dangle a bit like bracelets?

Just do not want to go into campus to return the overdue books in my office :(

Since Insight Timer has been completely enshittified in pursuit of the almighty dollar, what are people using as a meditation app these days?

If the Italian foreign minister has to reassure their colleagues that your fascist death squads you insist on bringing to the olympics* that "it's not like the SS are coming" you may want to have a think about who you are and what you're doing *presumably just for the joke

Retallick had quite a bit of speed on him for a big fella

Hipkins is just not making an impact. He must go.

Jack Skellington truly has every artist's reaction to harsh criticism. He goes from "I ruined EVERYTHING, I'm going to crawl into a cave and DIE" to "it was awesome actually and they just didn't understand my vision" in the space of three minutes

I see the head of the death squads has been placed on gardening leave

Well this explains the penguin as more than simply geographical confusion. Thanks Dan! It's much worse

Ever Given doco! 🥳

Me when I read the calorie count on the back of the packet

My father was expecting lots of lovely snow but instead he got ice. And not even aesthetically pleasing ice.

Jesus it's gonna be below freezing in KY for a full week.

My dad was talking today about how my grandad went to a Spurs game with his father-in-law at White Hart Lane and we were smashing the other team so bad that my grandfather started cheering for them when they got a goal 😅 he liked an underdog, but I'm sure it lost him son-in-law points

You ever have a nerve just decide to start shit for no reason

I am watching the Elizabeth Smart doco and this Mormon dad just said a SWEAR

Attention Android developers: I want to be able to hold down an app and then mute or disable it for a period of time without having to go into digital wellbeing settings

Ooo thunder!

Doing a workout in my pyjamas because changing clothes is simply too high a barrier and I won't do it otherwise

I am apoplectic

Getting clucky (looking at puppies on trademe)

The ringing is BAD today

I'm sorry, the Oscar Isaac snub is unforgivable. Did motherfuckers even watch the movies? Istg if Frankenstein doesn't win costuming and production design because Ham*et is more "oscary" i will riot

Dear Universe, It's my dad's birthday and if I can't get him a new football manager, I'd like to get him a new US president

Men's photos of themselves: On holiday 5 years ago at a wedding Holding or crouching next to a dead animal Sitting in a car with sunglasses on

Day late and a dollar short you overstaffed sausage

You got the little wee bumble bee, and the middle sized bumble with the white bum, and then the big bomba bumble

"This is a senior outbound sales role. Full stop. You will spend your days identifying, engaging, and converting high-performing licensed real estate agents from traditional agencies into the Arizto model. This is not inbound. This is not account management. This is not “brand awareness.”"

I wish job ads were more straightforward. I have no idea what most of them are even saying. "Execute our content strategy", "Provide a clear direction", "develop business relationships" WHAT IS THE JOB

I love it in Project Runway when a bitchy contestant talks shit about another person's outfit and then that outfit gets a good critique

I hope those kids are OK.

Discovered yesterday that there's actually only been like one study on body doubling for adhd and the results were that it didn't improve performance. Why do so many books talk about this thing that hasn't even been studied properly?

Death of a Salesman With Big Naturals

Shakespeare In Love With Big Naturals

The Birds With Big Naturals

Mr Smith Goes To Washington With Big Naturals