I feel bad for Toronto sports teams. Imagine your only option for a lucrative restaurant sponsorship was Pizza Pizza.

How come I've never heard anyone mention the fact that Marco Rubio's ears look like he could flap them and take flight?

Okay? And why is this *my* problem?

Fuck you, Doug, you fucking skunk.

I don't think it should be legal for anyone to make you remember Joe Piscopo.

Almost missed posting on #SupermanDay Oops.

William Henry Harrison, the only president with a name longer than his term.

*Ray Parker Jr voice* Nothing makes me feel good!

My entire personal life may be slowly imploding, but hey, at least the world at large is also completely on fire.

Uh oh, the thing I'd pinned a lot of my hopes on turns out to have fallen through!

Me, writing a nonsense novel for fun in my spare time: If I don't obsessively research exactly how this type of gun works, I will have let down god, my family and myself. Multimillion dollar tv or film production: Who cares? Just get whatever's most expensive from Nordstrom.

Every time I think KC:D might be interesting to look into, this guy opens his mouth and I remember why I decided not to bother with it the first time.

I'm really interested in Marathon, but I just don't have the time or patience for games with seasonal updates, I think.

One of the greatest musical accomplishments of the 21st century.

As someone who is 30 or 40 years old and currently embroiled in a customer service dispute over email, I am once again begging Branson to please stop reflecting my life back to me in unflattering caricature via the medium of Noel Household.

I mean, people are laughing, but it's kind of in the way that everyone's nervously laughing when like a 6'8" gym bro drunkenly crashes a party and lurches from room to room trying to pick a fight with anyone he sees.

My phone autocorrected "we'll" to "well" earlier today and, like, I had to click over to a second keyboard to put that apostrophe in there. How about you fuck off, eh?

Once again thinking about how much cooler the world would be if centuries of systemic racism and colonialist imperialism hadn't absolutely decimated the potential for equivalent cultural exchange.

Saw an instagram reel where a lady’s putting her hair in a big spoon captioned “lost my diffuser.” Okay??? And why is that my problem now???

Boy, even by Invincible standards that second Conquest fight was pointlessly gratuitous.

It must be so rewarding to be a centrist pundit. You just crap out some 1500 word variation on "Nothing is real and you're stupid to think that matters" and then you cash a fat check and spend all day arguing on a niche microblogging site for people with deeply held opinions on Benjamin Sisko.

American Psycho???? What did they make a movie about the president????

I’m always getting up to something.

It happened to me: I just had a late night craving for a terrible Subway sandwich.

Michael Gandolfini's entire character arc on Daredevil is "Deliberately became important at work and it's ruining my life."

Interesting to finally find a case where Mike Johnson has actually heard something for once.

About 60% of the way to figuring out Wonderwall on guitar, and brother I am gonna be a MENACE at parties.

I am not at all religious, but I keep thinking a lot about the scene in Wake Up Dead Man where Father Judd, deep in his hunt for clues, hears from a parishioner who needs his counsel and stops everything else dead in its tracks to spend the next few hours just talking with her on the phone.

Weird how companies who never face meaningful consequences for lying to their customers keep getting caught lying to their customers!

Every time I load up Swan Boy, I am confronted with scenarios, sentences, and transliterated accents previously considered physically impossible.

Couldn't get a picture due to the low lighting, but I woke up this morning to my Steam Deck's charging cable casting a shadow that looked an awful lot like a scythe, and if I'm being honest, that is a significantly more ominous portent than I need being cast right now.

I see those pictures of Trudeau at Coachella with Katy Perry and like, bro, don't you have kids you should be looking after?

“Unfortunately the terms of service…” bitch fuck your terms of service. The website lied to me.

Got hit with a real bad wave of everything happening a few weeks ago and had a minor meltdown over something stupid, and I'm really not looking forward to the next one because I know for a fact it's going to be several orders of magnitude worse.

Kind of the least of my issues right now, but this Tim Hortons commercial where the guy asks Ryan Reynolds if he "preserved his conscious" for all time hacks me off. You mean "consciousness". How did no one involved catch this?

Okay, but you understand that that’s Cate Blanchett, right? Good for Rosamund Pike, but that is very much Cate Blanchett.

The only mildly redeeming thing about having a family member in the hospital is that whenever someone asks you how it's going, you get to say "Bad, actually!"

Can’t believe I’m being read for filth by Noel AGAIN.

I'll grant you that I didn't know about the Strait of Hormuz a month ago either, but if I were to declare ware on a country, I would probably have determined whether or not there were any major strategic chokepoints nearby which said country could use to cripple the global economy before engaging.

Very annoyed about being billed for an annual subscription to a website this morning after they offered me an additional seven day free trial.

The fucking gall to put in a half day's bare minimum effort and just go "Wellp, back to indiscriminate murder, then!"

We really need to stop electing dudes who just look like shit.

Just got an ad for a digital casino match game based on the tv show Friends which has been off the air for over 20 years at this point, and we really are just completely cooked as a culture, huh?

PM Carney: *biggest wettest stinkiest fart sound you’ve ever heard in your life from one of the all time stupidest assholes to ever do it*

Unpopular opinion incoming: Being inside a hospital is an unpleasant time!

Your father, aka the Home Despot.

I finally did it, and there's no turning back. I ordered The Venture Bros: The Complete Series on DVD.

You do not, under ANY circumstances, gotta hand it to the Catholic Church, but trying to biblesplain to the Pope because he’s critical of your big wet president’s botched oil war that’s killed thousands of innocent people and accidentally crippled the global economy is a bold new dumb ass frontier.

Cool that you apparently know more about the Old Testament than the Pope I guess. Is there a book in the bible after that that, say, repudiates its worst excesses? Maybe it follows a messianic figure central to Christianity who bears a message of peace & love? Like, idk, some kinda “New” Testament?

Someone oughtta invent smoking that doesn't kill you.