28 Days Later but it’s just about a Bachelor finale.

Had to call a company to set up an account. Instead of a person I was connected to a “virtual assistant.” The weirdest part of it was how much vocal fry they gave her. I wasn’t sure if I was talking to a robot or listening to a mommy podcast.

Just FYI understanding the assignment is part of the assignment. You can stop praising people for doing fundamental shit.

Every show is a hardcore show when you have social anxiety.

A horror movie starring Jack Black as a relentless murderer. He actually becomes a killer due to experimental hypnotherapy. Suddenly he can only see what people would look like as corpses so he feels compelled to kill them to make them "look right." It's called "Shallow Halloween" Money please!

Just found out the audio horror project I worked on is coming out soon! War of the Undead will be out this Halloween! 🎃💀🎃

Why yes, I am still a professional writer.* *I won a caption contest on Instagram

Danny Elfman is the Mariah Carey of Halloween.

Sorry, if you can't run the government properly then I'm done paying taxes.

My birthday is in a few weeks. Still trying to pick the "birthday adventure" for this year. Last year I did White Mountain. This year I'm trying to decide between another Whitney attempt (have a permit for 10/28), Telescope Peak, Mt. Langley or finally doing Cactus to Clouds. Each has their appeal.

Just found out Red Lobster will be using AI to handle their phone orders. Finally, a solution for that one person who keeps calling Red Lobster to place a phone order.

Watching The Great British Bake Off as an American always makes me feel like I’m part of a hidden prank show where they use random words to see if I notice. “Oh they’re making Jack the Ripper tarts with a fluff gel base? Sure, sounds legit.”

Accidentally ran a 5K last night. The advantage being on vacation and “going for a short jog” but then getting semi-lost. The added confusion gave me extra distance.

Getting a house boat and naming it Ravey Jones’ Locker.

Release the Rammstein Files!

Left my phone at home for about 5 hours while I went out and just enjoyed my day. Seriously, best decision.

What they don’t tell you about getting older is that a lot of it involves reencountering people from your past and educating them about who you are now. “I know I used to be super into action figures, but that was like 5 personalities ago. Now I’m all about hiking and vegan BBQ.”

Finally, I’m getting sponsored ads for anxious people who are horny for frogs.

Still thinking about this show.

Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Tylenol.

Went for my first hike in several weeks. I usually go every week but this heat wave and some personal stuff took me off my regular scheduled program. The running I've been doing has helped my overall endurance. Excited to start hitting some bigger peaks once fall really kicks off.

I used to overshare online all the time. It really caused a lot of issues in my personal life. Luckily now I just keep everything to myself and allow the weight of it to slowly crush my spirit.

Look, I don’t fully understand it but in the last 30 days 137K people have seen my posts on Threads. Same stuff I post here so go figure.

Was able to run for 3 miles the other night. Last time I regularly did that distance MySpace was popular.

So that’s why I’m always putting my fingers in fish buttholes…

Shopping at Costco is like “Here’s enough rice to fill a swimming pool. It’s only $20. No, we don’t take Master Card.”

My takeaway is apparently Tylenol can prevent the Rapture.

If Tylenol caused autism then everyone over 40 would be autistic.

Can I Rapture From Home today? I just don’t feel up to going into the Sky Office.

Surprised The Rapture is trending so hard. Evangelicals are typically anti anything rap related.

I helped defend The Realm last night. Castle Rat rules. All hail The Rat Queen!

“A pit broke out and I got rocked by a dude dressed like Gandalf” is a thing I can say now. Again, metal shows have their own reality.

A few weeks ago I ran a mile and thought, “So this is how I die.” Last night I ran 2.5 miles and I felt it, but I never questioned my mortality. Here’s to keeping the progress and momentum going.

They say the friends you make in college are friends for life. So just be aware that the people you party with in your 20s will be the same people you help get divorced in your 50s.

My friend just texted me after his dental appointment telling me how much pain he's in. I simply replied "Is it safe?" He had no idea what I was referencing. That didn't stop me from repeatedly asking "Is it safe" no matter what he said. Anyway, you should watch Marathon Man if you haven't seen it.

The real injustice is that Bill Maher still has a show.

Yes, I do call a chocolate croissant a "chocy crossy." No, I will not be taking any additional questions at this time.

I swear to god they better not cancel "Ow! My Balls!" too.

Bit of the Oasis, innit?

Bread like a bowl, lack of control. I’d probably die if I ate it whole. - Nine Inch Meals

Found the login for an old Amazon account I used back in 2015. Apparently I had a wishlist saved and it was basically just every guitar pedal on the site at the time. And if you were wondering if that was something I did as a teenager, the answer is no. I was 40.

“We’re not actively listening in on you.” - social media companies ::Instagram suddenly suggests I follow a person I sat next to at a show but never exchanged info with:: “Okay maybe we’re listening a little.”

Kash Patel looks like a robot that’s constantly on the verge of crashing.

So you're saying if I use my phone number to enroll in your rewards program I'll eventually get a free item and all it will cost me is an endless barrage of spam calls? Well then sign me up!

The world is going through enough already. Let’s not make them endure a new Limp Bizkit song too.

I was bullied a lot growing up which has had lasting effects. To this day I still need constant reassurance from from someone that I'm doing a good job and that they're not mad at me. This makes sex very awkward. "Am I doing it right? Promise you're not mad?"

Mundanger is my middle name.

"This looks terrible. I should let it grow out." - me after shaving me head a year ago "This looks terrible. I should just shave my head again." -me after growing my hair out for a year ...and the cycle continues.

Single and ready to Pringle! - my pitch for selling Pringles individually

Sorry, I was just trying to be funny. – my future tombstone