This specific shot from The Truman Show where they’ve not only removed the head restraints but covered the mounts over with an ill-fitting piece of fabric.

Talking of holidays, I’ve created a massive spreadsheet of all the Thai-exclusive Majorette diecasts so I can buy the ones I haven’t got and push them around on my desk.

If I seem like a miserable and angry person during winter, it’s because every single time it causes my psoriasis to flare up and I feel like I’m burning but also makes me feel like I’ve had about 3 hours of sleep. Then I go on holiday and the humidity sorts it all out within 2 days.

Generative AI is basically only good at two things - stealing anything it sees and drinking loads of water. They spent billions to create my mate’s dog.

They all look like something off a royalty-free Clipart set you’d get on the cover disc of a PC magazine in 1997.

You’ve heard of Elf on the Shelf, now here’s fuck right off.

I’ll never stop doing this.

Found this Majorette Escort RS 1800 for £3 in the supermarket, then found (insane) people are buying them for anywhere between £30-70 on the Internet.

I keep seeing news along the lines of “(some rich guy) leaves the UK to live in Dubai” and I’m wondering what kind of reaction I’m meant to have other than indifference. I’m never going to see them, unless I’m transiting through Dubai Airport and they’re in the line when I buy a carton of smokes.

Looks like the explosion stunt dummy stand-in for Danny Trejo in Death Wish 4.

This combined with a couple of other things I heard recently has led me to conclude that Kay is probing around and saying things to figure out whether he’s got enough support to reinvent himself as a more offensive “it’s political correctness gone mad, I’ve been cancelled” type comedian.

“I’d rather have a bowl of Coco Pops”. Of course you would. You’re the mascot of Coco Pops. You’re even called Coco. Why should your opinion count for anything? Prick.

1992 Nissan Laurel 1800-LPG STD Taxi 1983 Daihatsu Charmant 1.3 LE 1983 Honda Quintet 1.6 1998 Daihatsu Cuore TR-XX Avanzato R4 1982 Colt Galant 1600 GL

My breakfast is as weird as it is faintly depressing.

Found the only creative thing I ever made during Covid (the rest was just me gradually losing my marbles and aging myself several decades).

My favourite Celebrity Jungle moment was in 2018 when Ant McPartlin recklessly crashed his car into two other vehicles whilst over double the drink-drive limit and the media desperately scrambled to frame it as a sad mental health issue rather than the actions of a completely selfish cunt.

What is it with super-rich men and hanging around on Epstein’s island? If I had a fortune and was asked if I wanted to go to some island and sleep with teenagers, I’d just say “no” and then go back to doing big jumps in my gold-plated monster truck. Where’s their imagination?

All the stars are here!

One day in the future they will release the Hirst Emails and it’ll just be a load of newsletters and promo offers from a dozen online tyre shops because I just use whoever sells it cheapest on that day.

Saw a weird car crash yesterday, Audi A3 pulled out of a junction without looking and got T-boned around 30mph by a Benz C-Class. A3 planted into a wall full throttle and was doing a huge burnout against it. Presume auto box. Weird how it didn’t seem to cut the fuel? Impact was heavy enough.

One day I’d love for an operating system to ask me “Do you like it when you turn the computer on and we’ve changed the UI and layout without telling you?”

Poundland restock to make Wednesday more interesting.

Renewed my car insurance at a different company again to keep the same price, so now my annual call to the existing company to cancel. I always tell them I’m leaving the UK forever, just to spare the “no don’t go” bullshit.

That New York thing is interesting, I’d more-or-less written off ever going to America again in my lifetime but maybe there’s some slim chance?

The John Lewis Christmas ad feels like the lead up to a Public Information Film about drink-driving and/or cot death.

Always liked the bit in Ghostbusters where the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man became somewhat more manageable in size and got a couple of nipple rings.

Rust-eze.

I find when the clocks change I become very withdrawn and insular, partially because a lot of things I enjoy doing are off the table but also because it’s just kind of bleak and depressing.

I was on Google and the bottom of the page said “Applying AI towards science and the environment” and clicked it out of curiosity and it returned a can’t reach this page error message. I suppose that sums it up.

Car park has changed to a system that implies I can pick different cars, like an arcade racing game. Select Your Car!

People who use this browser should be given their own special Internet to use where nobody else sees them.

I know the NHS is flawed, but I’m currently sat here after having a broken tooth built back up, a round of antibiotics, a lengthy wisdom tooth extraction, a diagnosis for neck pain and now working my way through a nice big box of codeine for under £50 total.

Generative AI features is like a disgusting-tasting sauce being added to every meal no matter how many times you ask for them to stop putting it on. I want a button I can click that says “opt out” or “just fuck off already”.

My concern with schemes like these is where they pull the data. Pretty sure every car I own doesn’t have a kerb weight on the V5C. My employer couldn’t figure out what to do with my 1998 156 V6 having no CO2 figure and eventually rated it zero emissions in desperation. www.bbc.com/news/article...

a warm Bluesky welcome to all the people we'd rather stayed on Twitter

Can’t have usable straws at the burger place to help the environment, but we must now sacrifice the environment for data centres so some guys can have a computer create low-rate mucky books.

Marea Weekend! Ambassador! Pride! All the gang are here!

Upgrading my best celebrity encounter from “looked in the back of Keith Harris’ car to see a box maybe containing Orville” to “regularly park my car directly overlooking the prison where Ian Watkins got stabbed”.

With it being a rare opportunity to visit a dentist, I’m going to ask them how much for a gold tooth. Got one missing on the top row, you can only see it if I smile widely. Always wanted a gold tooth to replace it, it’s just in the right place where it’ll make me seem like a sketchy villain.

Probably having a wisdom tooth out on the NHS, though knowing the state of NHS dentistry it’ll probably be scheduled for a date by which they’ll need to exhume my rotted corpse to pluck it out.

Trans people will lose their human rights because dipshits can’t wean themselves off it. “It was my childhood”, yeah mine was watching The Big Bus (1976) on VHS and I somehow manage to cope with the fact I can’t watch a reboot of it surrounded by Ned Beatty figurines and Stockard Channing cushions.

Look at this bullshit.

Without any announcement whatsoever, my work have abandoned phones and moved to a system that works over Teams with mandatory headsets that I can barely hear over due to hyperacusis or whatever it is I’ve got, so now I just can’t hear people and they get frustrated. Too bad for them.

Making counterfeit versions of those shelf-stable sandwiches sold in Thai 7-Eleven.

This is on sale for about £4 on the Switch, look at all his little outfits.

Benzocaine is really cool and nice and I wish I’d been putting in my mouth a long time ago.

What I’d like is for a politician to one day ask me what I actually want and then I’d just beg for an investment in NHS dentistry because I haven’t had a dentist for about 15 years and I am very sick of washing my mouth out with salt water and taking painkillers and hoping it sorts itself out.

I support digital ID because they say you’ll require it to work and I really don’t want to work so I will just not get one. No more work, no more problems.

@blacktopmagazine.bsky.social Get me on the Email hirstd on the Gmail I can give all the good details, can’t get in messenger

If anyone is still in the motoring press, would appreciate this mentioning as the museum are advertising the event without mentioning the picket line. Crossing it is obviously the choice of the person, but if I’d driven 100 miles to a picket line that I hadn’t been told about, I’d not be happy.