Whilst some of us are on the ropes….

Guard! Attention!

A customer asked me to peel a cucumber for her baby yesterday and I’m still confused. The fact that I even went and got one should’ve been enough.

My new dentist is a lovely lady. That didn’t warn me about injecting half my fucking face this morning. I feel like she was mocking me when she asked me to rinse 😂

Why does @jeremyvine.bsky.social say on his show every morning that “their aren’t many millionaires in the UK”. Where do you get your figures from?

I might apply for this job. I could get trafficked out of the UK if I’m lucky

I do like the Fate of Ophelia @joeatsandreads.bsky.social

I might have to become a menace. How much money have they spent on flags? (At least they’re all straight and aligned. I’ll give them that).

So good.

Confirmed. I broke my foot and I’ve been walking on it for 3 months 🤯

What’s this Michelle Mone news?

I don’t know how much I’m saving but I rate it

Just got called chocolate fingers by my godchildren whilst doing bathtime. They did call their mother Milky Way though 😭😂😭😂😭 I swear to god, I need to visit more often

I’ve just done my first shift back at the restaurant. I hobbled home. But a hot bath and from fresh PJ’s. Wow.

I wanted to go to the local pub this afternoon since I don’t have to work for a while. Tried the nice one 20min walk away but they are closed to give staff a few days off. Walked past the other options and felt too scared. I’ve been to them before but now. I’ll pass.

Take me back to my peaceful eco-farm in Italy 🥲

The train driver put the heating on 👌🏾

The host at my BnB asked me where I learnt Spanish! 😂🫣 Once I’ve had a vino I’m off

Aunty Phi took the kids out

We dined at restaurant group I used to work for last night. Why did I start sending feedback and become a chatty patty with the waitresses 🫣😂

I don’t even care about the rain. I’m angry that I’m wearing tights.

We had a kid trial today. My fucking god. He actually spun around and swung his arms when he wasn’t doing anything. (There is always something to fucking do in service). I can only pray for that child.

I can’t believe it!!!

Just saw a pizza express pizza for £6 reduced to £4. It’s like £10 in the restaurant. When is this cost of living ting going to end please?

I’ve just been pointed to Taylor’s dancer. He trains in the same gym as my gay hubby @joeatsandreads.bsky.social

We are trying to get into a restaurant for the whole team and it’s proving difficult. I’ve taken it personally and I’ve named the reservations person “ Xxx boy”

My little experiment didn’t quite work. It doesn’t taste real.

Jonty thought British people having bad teeth was because you can’t get dentistry on the NHS 😅

I keep forgetting about my açai

I threw some rotten tomatoes out last summer. Now we have a whole transfer window. #TTD

Hot and sweaty. Very Nice

SAY HER FUCKING NAME! 🤩 MICHELLE AGYEMANG!!! #engita

My back up plan in case the game went downhill. It’s good to keep busy ⚽️

It’s past 4pm. Fuck it

Found a snack for less than £5

We even got to shake a leg

Wondering if I’ve got the 3 day hangover thing now that I’m into my 4th decade

Wish I had become a physio. Look at my improvising an ice pack out if my socks

Look at him

The heat was too much for the marmite. But why did it explode?

My frozen hot water bottle must’ve worked a treat. I don’t recall last night at all 🙌🏾

I am about to bake a cake. For the first time, since Covid. (I think). Thoughts and prayers if you will.

Truffle Burrata. This could be a mistake

The first guy I ever dated on Tinder has somehow found me and gotten in touch. What the fuck for?!?!

Foraged by my little helper

I need Benji to save me walking up the hill to his house, so I’ve lured him to meet me at the station, with the confit garlic 🧄 I made him 😂

I thought you didn’t get reception at Glasto? Why am I getting emails. Turn the poles off!!

But why would you dress your shop window like this? 🤣🤣🤣

What an amazing book. To me anyway