Post an Onion headline that lives in your head rent free.

Vito beat out nearly 2,000 other dogs to become the first pug to win the National Dog Show. The two-year-old pup became a sensation on Thursday, when the competition, which was held earlier this month, was broadcast on NBC after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. www.nytimes.com/2024/11/29/u...

News Analysis: Elon Musk's so-called Department of Government Efficiency will face a daunting reality. Any effort to slash the U.S. government and its 2.3 million civilian workers will likely face resistance in Congress, lawsuits from activist groups and delays mandated by federal rules.

This is one of the most enchanting, fun places I have ever been. Farewell to a true original.

I distinctly ordered the Antarctic blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack.

Feels like you can weed out the monsters who would do this by not going to a first-week showing of Wicked www.nytimes.com/2024/11/20/m...

A starter pack of the folks reporting from sea to shining sea 🇺🇸 go.bsky.app/M6UF5ZS

“Upon further scrutiny of the video, the investigation determined the bear was actually a person in a bear costume.” www.nytimes.com/2024/11/14/u...

The NYT starter pack is up to 99 people go.bsky.app/3p3ARGN

Feels like time to reup this.

I know people will disagree but I think this is 100% right. Canceling your subscriptions may feel like the right thing to do, but you’re ultimately hurting newsrooms that have nothing to do with decisions made by billionaire owners (who won’t feel any of this). Support newsrooms.

"You’ve been a bad girl, you’ve been a bad little girl, and you’re getting a vigorous spanking right now." www.nytimes.com/2024/10/24/u...

“Officers arriving at the scene found the victim had been bound to a stretcher and pumped full of midazolam, vecuronium bromide, and potassium chloride in what we have determined was an execution-style killing,” said state police spokesperson Raymond Perk.

Neighbor Charlotte Kullen started complaining in 2015: “Oh God, I wake up still with nightmares of them screaming in my head."

Don't miss the kicker.

Are you feeling mad? Are you feeling kinda sad?

Accountability journalism: The move comes after The New York Times detailed the chain’s plan to phase out animatronic performers at all but two of the more than 400 Chuck E. Cheese locations in the United States by the end of the year.

I can’t know how to hear any more about tables.

RIP Eric Carmen. He gave us "Hungry Eyes," yes, but also this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-Dt...

A five-time Iditarod winner faces a two-hour penalty in the world’s biggest sled dog race for not gutting a moose well enough.

I gasped. Terrible news.

"Imagine a telephone that is plugged into the wall. The calls you make on this device would be sent through wires attached to tall wooden poles. Science fiction? Incredibly, this technology exists today!"

Elmo I get, but, I'm sorry, Grover is too busy to write his own tweets? "Social media accounts for Elmo, Big Bird, Grover and other 'Sesame Street' characters are run by a four-person team at Sesame Workshop."

“Nobody knows where the ark of the covenant is. Nobody knows where the true cross is. Yet Christianity still exists.” www.nytimes.com/2024/01/19/u...

Age yourself with a movie you saw in a theater as a grown-up.

Zero dollars. Clark Griswold’s Christmas bonus was zero dollars.

A colleague consulted three economists at the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago and the author of the "Home Alone" novelization for answers.

12:35 a.m. - A man walks by and farts audibly. 12:37 a.m. - The man who farted strolls back our way, stands in line, and farts again. I feel bad documenting this.

Only about 8 percent of stage magicians are women. A new generation of performers wants to change that. www.nytimes.com/2023/12/02/s...

“Come on, Sandy baby, loosen up. You’re too tight.”

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.

Voracious, voracious vegetarians.

The soldiers will be given proper gravestones acknowledging their Army service, and their descendants will be made eligible for benefits, officials said.

The San José was destroyed by the British, sinking off the coast of Cartagena, Colombia, with gold, jewels and other goods that could be worth upward of $20 billion. Questions remain on who can claim the treasure? @nytimes.com

Wow.

Banger.

We've forgotten everything.

Many users have migrated to other platforms since Elon Musk bought Twitter, but sports fans still find it indispensable. My latest (gift link/no paywall) —

On Friday Amanda Serrano and Danila Ramos will compete in the first women’s boxing title fight in 15 years that has been sanctioned under men’s rules, and only the second one ever.

A pilot told an air traffic controller that the man had tried to cut the plane’s engines, according to an audio recording posted on LiveATC.

Made it to Friday.

After 84 years, changes in technology mean that CBC Radio will no longer broadcast the correct time once a day. Many Canadians are mourning the loss.

On Friday, Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a bill repealing bans on cruising and lifting a state prohibition on modifying a vehicle to significantly reduce its clearance from the roadway.

i'm looking to talk to people for a story: is anyone on here a sports fan who gave up on twitter in the past year? if that's you and you're interested, reach out! first.last @nytimes. com

What to do when your 10-month-old’s day care imposes a uniform requirement with khakis? (Answer: Dress him up like a Target employee with a tiny wallet.) Fun read by @melinadelkic.bsky.social

At least 961 birds died in one night after crashing into the windows of a building in Chicago. “I’ve been in Chicago for 40 years and bird-watch all the time and I’ve never, ever seen anything like that,” a local conservation ecologist said.