Got stood up by #Dateline something about the Olympics… going to bed early.

The Chianti is Chi-gone

I have trouble discussing the Mel Brooks documentary with people because so far everyone doesn’t seem to view his work as satire about racism but as permission to be racist

American Woman by Lenny Kravitz is just incredible. Love the guitar and the bass line is simple yet get-up-and-boogie good.

I’m DONE smoking. (I smoked everything)

It’s a beautiful day to stay inside and do some baking

#Dateline is off for three weeks?! Damn

They proved THAT roll of duct tape was used on the body. Incredible #Dateline

Was he killed? Come on. #Dateline

Obligatory Walmart surveillance video #Dateline

Apparently I can’t have caffeine after 3:00 pm

You know I hate to be crass but a moment ago when I passed gas I nearly pissed myself.

Because of these frigid temperatures it is so freaking DRY indoors, I am constantly putting on lotion

YOU’RE NOT GONNA OUT WOKE ME.

LOVE CHOCOLATE

The NYT Connections really comes up with the most whacked out shit then says it’s a 2.8 out of 5 difficulty.

The Golden Girls is so fucking funny

You’d better believe I’m clicking on the yoga for athletes video. I am convinced I’m athletic, now watch me drop out half way

Got lost in a book today, what a fabulous thing to do

Why is it that batteries come in child proof packaging that is UNOPENABLE EVEN WITH SCISSORS, but they can go to school and be shot in the face?

That shit’s better than cocaine. (I’ve never done cocaine)

THANK YOU ANDREA. Call out his bullshit. Screw you Delbert. #Dateline

Delbert looks ROUGH #Dateline

UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE. PATRICK YOU DUMB ASS. #Dateline

Why was divorce not an option? #Dateline

Allison doesn’t exactly look like someone I’d believe wild claims from, did she have rizz? Why is everyone believing her? #Dateline

Entrepreneur is the most abused title #Dateline

Delbert shaved the stache is more Delbert looking than ever. #Dateline

The interview room looks like a security office at a Target. #Dateline

Delbert isn’t exactly making it seem like he’s innocent #Dateline

At what point does the amount of kerosene lanterns cancel out the cost of using a lamp or two #Dateline

Immediately off to a bad start, explicitly planning the murder ON THE PHONE. #Dateline

Tonight’s #Dateline 9/8c

Just cleaning my apartment alone listening to true crime podcasts so creepy I’m scared shitless.

😭

You have to check out John Fogerty’s Tiny Desk Concert, it’s twenty-four minutes of straight bangers.

Your dog really shouldn’t be barking for that long at two in the morning. Because I heard the tone, it was VERY indifferent.

It’s so fucking ridiculous that I own condoms.

John Fogerty’s Proud Mary in the Tiny Desk Concert is a fucking banger.

😭

This morning I was returning a cart at Aldi, and a woman walked up with her hand out. I assumed she had a quarter in it, so I gave her the cart and she dropped two dimes and a nickel in my hand.

Decided the verdict over the hour lunch break… #Dateline

Not making it #Dateline

Gotta say, this Sarah is doing some pretty whack shit. #Dateline

Aspects of this seem familiar, is this an update? #Dateline

Buttery garlicky popcorn and a glass of orange juice is a incredible #Dateline snack

Laundry detergent in the gas tank? Use instant mashed potatoes next time #Dateline

#Dateline tonight at 9/8c

The piano in American Pie is NASTY