"Okay, I get it, calling in the ringer because you just can't handle it."

"Do you remember every cool thing you've ever done? It gets kinda hard when you're, like, as awesome as me."

"OMG did you just try to finish a 'speak of the devil' line? Because I literally was not talking about you. I mean, I get it, it would've been really cool, like literally badass, but it's a big risk because now you're, like, really lame."

"What's wrong with being us?" she grumped, prying herself free of the tangled mess with chicken bucket that she was. "I got day-drunk with Spider-Man and got to swing around the city. There are at least a dozen Make-a-Wish kids trying to get that exact thing and I just did it."

Her hair was frazzled, her clothes were a state and the sunglasses had left heart-shaped marks around her eyes where the rest of her face had gotten windburned. And she was grinning. "That was ☠️☠️☠️☠️ awesome! And I've flown with a ☠️☠️☠️☠️ jetpack before!"

"Spend enough time doing wetwork and you just kinda develop both. I mean, I blow things up, that's my power, not much to learn there, so I learned other things. Now, drink time! Hey Siri, where's the nearest bottomless mimosas?"

"Listen, bucko, I know how to drink and I know how to waste a day and you're asking me to combine those two things? Like, OMG do you even know me? I'm gonna edge your buzz all day with expert precision."

"☠️☠️☠️☠️, why am I even awake? Alright, mimosas it is. Pretty much any brunch place serves them. There's probably a bottomless mimosas somewhere around here. Then lunch and we move onto spritzers. Light and fruity, not too heavy, so we don't lose ourselves before tonight."

She shrugs. "Nearest bar and go from there? Wait, what time is it?"

"WOOO! I have a feeling you're gonna be, like, the wildest kinda drunk. Or, like, really miserable. If you start crying messy-style I'm leaving you in a gutter somewhere, deal?"

"And that's gonna stop you why?"

"Okay, I'm caught between making a joke about the fact that you just said ☠️☠️☠️☠️ or the fact that you're taking a day off which means it's time to get your DRINK OOOOOON!"

They limited me to only seven espresso shots this morning at the coffee shop. This is peak mutant racism!

"OMG you keep bringing that up, just get over it already."

"Okay, sure, I get that but, like, you could have, like, SOME common decency. I mean, X-Men and Avengers are like cousins or something, right? Not, like, biologically because I've lost track of how many X-Men ☠️☠️☠️☠️ed how many Avengers and vice versa, but, y'know, that's, like, beside the point."

"That's just, like, a needless insult ... and weirdly creepy knowing you're just staring at my lips."

"Why would I even answer that? You can't even hear me right now." She's acting pretty confident for a B&E.

She's drinking his beer. "Oh so THAT woke you up, sure!"

She was at the fridge, not threatening Clint. Still ... "OMG good doggo. You want a steak? He's got steak in here. Or, like, where's your kibble or whatever?"

Well that just made things too easy. She helped herself to his fridge.

She's done enough wetwork to know how to be quiet when she wants to be. And when she doesn't want to be? "ZOMG HAWKEYE, WAKE UP, THERE ARE ALIENS INVADING!"

Empty except for the blonde, sat in the back with a drink made out of unfathomable colour combinations and an uncertain amount of sugar, absolutely lost in her phone while she sucks on the straw.

📲 : ZOMG SO NEEDY 📲 : NOW

📲 : okay fine 📲 : there's a coffee place on 78th 📲 : sneding u the location i'll be there

"Ugh, I have to wake up early for that!"

📲 : jeez still mad about the noodles? 📲 : that i ALLEGEDLY stole?

📲 : OMG r u preganante? 📲 : 10 million nerdy spider eggs

📲 : do we have to? 📲 : because hearing you talk is lik srs 🤮🤮🤮🤮 📲 : such a nerdddddd

"Wedding dresses? Okay, alright, I kinda dig the vibe. Not sure it works with the Wolverine gimmick but if it means ditching the handlebars then we'll go with it. Bit of a Victorian goth bride deal, sure."

"Okay, so you got this gruff half-goth half-butch vibe going, you need to lean more into that. I swear I saw you wearing lace or fishnets or something like that once."

"Laura, I love you, but please listen to the expert on this one."

"All I'm saying is it's a bit derivative, alright? Like I get the whole idolization of the X-Men and that's what they wear so all mutants need that suit and I've worn the colours before, too, but just because I can pull it off doesn't mean everyone can. What happened to that black number you wore?"

"ZOMG you don't even realize? I mean, like, full respect to Wolverine, he's great and all, sure, but, like, girl, c'mon, do you need the handlebars? And the yellow? I mean, ugh, I've been fighting an uphill battle all my life trying to explain why the yellow is a CHOICE and not a good one."

A new episode of the Daily Bugle podcast dropped this morning, including a harrowing, emotional interview with one of Spider-Man's victims, belabouring the point of how he's an utter menace and how he jumped her in an alleyway and took her wallet. For privacy's sake the victim remained anonymous.

📲 : OMG like your little club hasn't fought each other before

Eh, that's pretty normal.

Yeah, what's going on? I've been enjoying $4 mimosas all morning.

quill omg is that rain back too?

Breathe in that fresh city air! Wait, don't do that, it's probably not healthy. Seriously, ugh, rush hour smog. Someone buy me a tropical island. That was the best part of Krakoa.

quill so much spider activity and then suddenly a silk, too! my gwen accounts drums a siren song for me right now.

Love to see him go, love to watch him leave. ... What the 💀💀💀💀 is wrong with me? Anyone have a good therapist?

It's okay. You go play your game. Find me when you're done.

Is it bad that I think the crazy is actually hot?

Shut up ... Whatever your name is. God, I need to start asking names before hooking up. And don't say Peter Parker!

"Okay, okay, and that portal drops us into a pool or something, preferably surrounded by hot guys, maybe a little barbecue, I like where you're going with this."

"Can't you just portal us to safety?"

The 'blame Spider-Man' act was lame when you first used and it's lame now. You know I don't need a reason to bully him. Don't give me reason to bully you.

Don't say 'Yepperoni' or I'll be forced to give you a wedgie.

"Illyana, putting air bags under his seat doesn't count as an ejector seat. Not that I'm saying we won't do it, but you gotta, like, call it by the right term."