devil's advocate implies the existence of heaven's prosecutor

dispute resolution clause says we have to do a spelling bee

love saying that I’m living the dream. such imprecise language. a nightmare is a type of dream

maybe the Waymos were really cold

Just an incredible few days on the internet

The non-gendered individuals are fighting

We’re like four or five tweets away from national secrets

big day for guys who keep asking Grok if this is true

everyone pulling up Elon’s and Trump’s tweets right now

Too much foreshadowing to really enjoy the break-up. I think the country’s writers could have done better here.

switch 2 this and switch 2 that, maybe you should switch 2 some reputable legal counsel and review your contracts

Line for the Nintendo Switch 2 is wrapping around the BestBuy. We are so back.

anime running into the courtroom as my client’s case is called

I don’t have any legal tips or tricks for you other then you should read what you’re signing, shift risk whenever possible, and you should agree to obligations that are realistic and manageable.

Full transparency, I don’t know how to read

is chatgpt down I’m in front of the judge and he’s not happy

Hard times create good billing. Good billing creates good times. Good times create bad billing. Bad billing creates hard times.

Me: is it pronounced jif or gif The security guard at the peanut butter factory: how did you get in here

you guys remember when we almost had to file who owned our or our client’s LLCs

Me: is it pronounced jif or gif The security guard at the peanut butter factory: how did you get in here

I need to see a recreation of that 90s divorce court picture where the couple split up the beanie babies, but with labubus

past me sabotaged future me while present me eats a hotdog and watches

lawyer bf, attorney gf

Wow they gave Stitch really controverial opinions on international trade policy

hey man, i plugged your work into my ai bot and it asked if everything was ok at home

The best referral source for a transactional lawyer is an avoidable lawsuit. The best referral source for a litigation attorney is something that could have been avoided by a good transactional lawyer.

My kid is so Italian—we’re watching little Einstein’s and he can’t stop calling them all little wise guys

Working on a new video series—quick, what’s the best and/or weirdest law firm branded item you’ve ever received.

there should be the opposite of a vexatious litigant. the court should tell me I’m good at this shit

Me: I’m really busy My parents:

you ever look at a contract and say “well fuck”

you should be allowed to be a little evil at work every month. hide a file evil, not burn down the office evil. but still evil nonetheless

Nothing says “this is a partnership” like a deceptively drafted NDA

Me: I need strawberries that are packaged in the most jagged and thick plastic around Berry processing facility: yep we got it Me: but I also need blueberries in a container so flimsy it will explode like a grenade Berry processing facility: you’re not going to believe this

Pilot: is there a doctor on this plane Economist: I have a PhD Pilot: this passenger is dying Economist: so is the economy

Our number one export is Popes

Baptism at the Bean

with the Pope’s math degree, we will finally solve the Davinci Code

first pope to eat at portillo's

real id? the citation is right there your honor

My law firm intake is either a very detailed explanation of the need submitted through my intake link or a dm that says “are you a real lawyer lol”

we’re getting word that Trump is directing the re-opening of Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane

what’s the horse equivalent of a miller light

Horse names are either like “Majestic Hero” or “swiggly the goofball”

[RFK JR inhaling embalming fluid while mummifying a dead polar bear] we need more measles

kitten…that’s not an exception to hearsay

couldn’t let us cold call prospective clients. you’d have a junior call up a guy and be like “Delaware, amirite?”

My work is incredibly boring, and the moment I wish it wasn’t boring, it becomes exciting, and then I wish it was boring again.

In-house: no Outside counsel: [receiving $1.6mm] no