I am increasingly disappointed that more of the things that were free to everyone when I was a child are now subscription services that raise their prices every 6 months. I am counting down to the point where my wheelie bin won't even open unless I scan my card.

I am the adult and I decide what we have for dinner. Now, finish your skittles on toast.

Open a PDF and 4 different popups say "ask AI assistant to summarise your document" I CAN READ, DUMBASS. FUCK OFF.

The probability of the public urinal trough containing milk and cereal is slim, but not zero.

I'll only buy a house with a solid foundation and firm brickwork. It's a good investment and requires minimal repairs. Also, when the wolf comes, he'll huff and he'll puff and be grossly disappointed.

SHUT UP. My Dad works for the Microsoft help and support team and he will ISSUE CLOSED on you without reading what you posted.

I was never really able to psychologically recover from 'the peas are upside down' image. Reality hasn't been the same since.

I nervously laugh as I walk through the metal detector and it beeps. "Must be my balls of steel, haha". I lie to the security officer knowing full well that I have eaten 3 boxes of office paperclips today.

Could go for some Greggs Benedict right now

I would like to thank my 100 followers for witnessing my mental illness and subsequent descent into lunacy where I am assassinated for speaking the truth by an unknown nationstate actor called Bob.

This is LIFE under SOCIALISM!! *shows you a picture of a slum in late stage western capitalism*

Boss said to reroute the plumbing in this sector. Looks like coffee, diarrhea, chocolate milk and gravy flow through this pipe bundle. I sure hope I don't mix these labels up!

(pouring MicroMachines™️ into the carbonara) “Truly it enhances the flavour”

Clothes are topologically no different to spagetti. Until we meet again!

Remember: Unicode contains a transgender flag and a pride flag but not a confederate flag or a nazi flag.

Songs on the radio shouldn't include screaming, alarms, horn honking, sirens or anything of that sort. Television adverts should not have door knocking sounds.

"Go ad free with premium!" Oh, cool! *closes your website*

there's a local kebab place whose website claims to have a PDF of the menu, but when you open the PDF it's just a single photo of a kebab and chips

I would like to make a crispy cereal with just colourful number shapes so that the tagline can be "It's time to crunch the numbers"

Watching videos of children screaming endlessly during the entire minecraft movie, quoting AI slop memes and throwing expensive popcorn at the screen is actually making me age 500 years.

Nothing quite like seeing AI slop plastered across Amazon taking advantage of patriotic holidays.

I just had a robocall from an unknown number that shouted "HELLO. ADD ME ON WHATSAPP." then it hung up

My fucking local council just added MICROTRANSACTIONS to the bin collection I am fucking reeling

Bad AAPL

Someone has genuinely put a leaflet through my front door that was stuck shut with what smells like human semen. How. Why. WHY? Were you walking around with cummy hands???

Drinking from my hip flask in public and every time someone gives me a dirty look I just say "Ribena". (Actually it's Vimto)

Turns out ASUS just lies in it's documentation about which motherboards support which processors. Not a good look.

Today I learned that my computer starts up slower because of all the AI bullshit built into the god damn MOTHERBOARD.

I hate that my current experience of the NHS is having a telephone appointment for each individual thing that's wrong where people ask me, in a hostile tone, "What are your expectations here?" which seems to be part of the script. I expect you to heal me. That's your job. I don't need 50 phonecalls.

The CEO of Gumroad made Gumroad “open source” 2 days ago and is now a DOGE operative in a position at the VA, actively changing VA . Gov’s code. You know what to do VRChat.

Today I learned that ChatGPT cannot draw toasters and locks up if you try and do that.

sometimes I feel like a dinosaur, cause no one looks anything up anymore 🦕

Thinking about this again.

Still thinking about that comment about how D&D dungeons are full of puzzles for toddlers.

The funniest thing about April Fools day is that it is an exercise in media literacy and post context that people don't practice on any other day.

In celebration of #TransDayOfVisibility, the Rainbow Library has unveiled a monument honouring the transformative and fluid nature of the human form! 🌊✨ Visit it in our VRChat world & read the plaque for a beautiful poem and deeper meaning. 🌈💖 #TDOV #LGBTQ #VRChat #Trans

Fucking streaming services pulling shit like "Season 1, 2, 4 and 5 are free, but you must pay for season 3" as well as allowing you to watch the 2nd film in a series, but not the first, because it's hosted on a different streaming platform. GO TO HELL.

One finger in your nose is fine but two fingers in the same nostril and now you’re some kind of freak.

If i get murdered by the state for making political videos at least I won't have to see more climate change.

>buy finger sandwiches >look inside >no fingers

I am once against astonished that some scammer can send me a spoofed email which looks like paypal sent it but my medical appointments are detected as spam because they came from [email protected] with a low resolution image of the location that looks fake.

I just realised that covid was a terrible time for lipreaders.

Thank you Karl, I needed the confidence #furry #furryart #art #KarlMarx

Omniroll xkcd.com/3060

All of my socks disintegrated within a week of eachother. I am impressed that they were designed to fail at such a specific time.

Consider: Scratch and sniff handouts, or in other words, stinky notes.

Just finished giving a handjob to a magician and as he finished all this confetti and a string of knotted handkerchiefs flew across the room. I said, "I really wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you."

I felt like throwing Up earlier, but the DVD wasn't in the case.

Oppenheimer: "I'm not sure we should be doing this" Edward Teller: youtu.be/VtJUHGjVm0E