As the FAR submission deadline is almost upon us, I thought I’d make a quick thread of advice for anyone going on the legal academic job market this year: … nope, I have no advice to offer. It’s a chaotic whirlwind and I was just hanging on for dear life.

Ok pocket friends, I’m lighting the beacons: can anyone recommend a lawyer in the Chicago area who represent college students in disciplinary disputes with universities? Issues include disability accommodation refusals and harassment. I’m at a loss so any suggestions would be appreciated!

The other day, Partner (Romantic)™️ *barely* swerved when a bee flew into the car and down the back of their shirt, and stung them four times. A spider just crawled on me in the passenger seat, and I yelped and flicked it ONTO THE DRIVER. …one of us should perhaps work on her reflexes.

You’ve heard “the dog ate my homework,” but let me introduce a fun new twist: a mouse ate my research materials. … seriously, my books are *gnawed*

Move over girl dinner, it’s time for medieval peasant lunch: bread, cheese, apple, and cider.

It has once again been zero days since I was mistaken for a law student. (I thought I was safe during the summer, but alas.)

Our piano mover is stuck in an elevator in New Jersey. Huh.

Partner (Romantic)™️ has a very specific laugh for when I have said something so absurd they can’t handle it, and it appears two specific times: 1) when I talk about how tan I’ve gotten this summer (I still look like a Victorian dying of consumption); and 2) when I say I’m becoming a minimalist.

Just tried to dye my hair purple, and may have color theoried a little too close to the sun…

Partner (Romantic)™️ showing me the dedication to their book for the first time: “Don’t cry!” Me, through teary sniffles: “You can’t tell me what to do!”

Just gave myself a paper cut while grading exams. This has to be a new low for embarrassing injuries…

Just fully leapt out of the shower and ran to my notebook because I figured out a central conclusion of my next law review article, and now I’m looking up waterproof shower notebooks. No one talks about how wildly inconvenient and damp eureka moments can be…

Well, I am officially “earl gray tea as my pre-date-night drink” years old. Huh.

True love is Partner (Romantic)™️ flying all the way to London to hear me give a talk, when they hear me talk nonstop at home for free. (INTA friends, come see me present today at 10:30 at the Scholarship Symposium!)

Just posted on LinkedIn for the first time, and suddenly I have an irresistible urge to brag about hustle culture and missing all my family’s milestones for “the grind.”

There is nothing quite like the joy of realizing that the academic calendars of your dual-professor household line up *perfectly* for the upcoming year.

I know this question is inherently flawed *because* I am asking it here, but - law prof peeps, where are we hanging out these days? Is there still a critical mass on X? Threads? Here? Somewhere else? I miss my community and would love to plug back in!

Ok trademark friends, who’s going to INTA this year???

Was craving for a really good Caesar salad for dinner… so accidentally made a reservation at a hilariously over the top fancy restaurant. … this better be a damn good salad.

I dunno guys, I think I’m really getting the hang of this whole coauthoring thing, don’t you?

You know you’re in DC when an entire subway station is draped in banner ads for an e-discovery platform..::

Coming back from spring break, Partner (Romantic)™️ has a glorious bronze tan. Meanwhile I acquired so many bug bites that apparently I look like I have measles.

You’ve heard of “intrusive sleep,” but let me introduce you to defensive sleep: when you pass out on the couch before game night starts to avoid being absolutely demolished in Yahtzee (again)

Today’s humiliation: I was just carded trying to rent a bicycle, because - and I quote - “if you’re under 16 you’re required to wear a helmet.” Oof.

I’m aggressively anti-AI for so, so many reasons… but I also just realized that it will almost certainly result in people sending EVEN MORE emails, and I can’t even express my horror. I already hope your emails do not find me. Please leave me alone.

Being a two-professor household can have its challenges, but sometimes your Spring Breaks line up, and then? Then, life is perfect.

Our flight was cancelled so our seats were separated for our rebooking, and I’m sipping Prosecco with my headphones on while Partner Romantic™️’s seatmate is telling them all about her heart attack and near-death experience.

A life lesson: casebooks and groceries need to go in *separate* tote bags… unless you want to spend an hour wiping smushed soft cheese off of every single page of your casebook

A Symposium audience member just referred to a law professor and panelist as THE LADY. I’m used to this bullshit, but this feels especially egregious.

Sure you might be having a bad day, but did you fling your favorite (and expensive) pen into a crack in the classroom media center IN THE MIDDLE OF TEACHING? It took me forty minutes after class to retrieve it, and I pulled out four other pens first.

You read The Velveteen Rabbit as a kid and it fucks you up for life, and next thing you know your Partner (Romantic)™️ is driving an extra 2.5 hours to find your stuffed puppy that might have fallen out of the car. I am very, very loved. … and the pup was in the car the whole time.

Rating cross country ski snacks: Milk duds: they’ll freeze and you’ll crack a tooth, 3/10 Granola bar: classic, dependable, 6/10 Sunflower seeds: make me feel like a small forest bird, 10/10 Communal moonshine from a mason jar in a warming hut: no explanation needed, a million out of ten.

The duality of road trips: toggling between early 2000s pop radio, and an audiobook about the assassination of James Garfield.

New low: just got carded for buying DayQuil. Way to kick a gal when she’s down….

Overheard student tour guide to prospective law students: “I’ve learned the most important thing about law school is to not procrastinate.” Partner (Romantic)™️ and I - notorious procrastinators - making eye contact and trying not to die laughing. *don’t do what we do. But like, it works….

How’s it going, you ask? Well, I just made a cup of pour over coffee minus the coffee. Pour over water, if you will.

As I’m wrapping up my current article, it is absolutely astonishing to look back at the first outlines and see how much it changed from inception to final draft. Genuinely not even the same project.

Achievement unlocked: cited a Reddit comment in a law review article.

The camera cutting to Chappell Roan when Cher said that she was dropped by her label was DIABOLICAL.

And one more picture from the 2017 Grammys, for no particular reason….

My annual reminder that I peaked in law school when I was invited to the Grammys - but also, law students who enjoy writing, submit to writing competitions! You never know where they might take you!

When Partner (Romantic)™️ and I were a new thing, I wanted to impress them with my intelligence, so every time I critiqued their writing I carefully detailed with precision exactly what was incorrect about their grammar. Me now: “Sentence funky. Rephrase.”

Somehow, six months after moving to New York, I am just now encountering tik-tockers filming dances on a metro platform. And dear god it is just as obnoxious as I always assumed it would be.

One for the law profs: Last spring, I carefully took notes after each session of my inaugural Advanced Trademark class, noting what worked well, what I wanted to change for next time, revisions to materials, even minor edits to slides etc. Friends, I LOST THE NOTEBOOK.

Partner (Romantic)™️: lighting an incredibly smoky incense cone directly under our fire alarm, then frantically flailing to wave away the smoke: “I just wanted good vibes!!!”

I keep hearing her wife’s sobs. There are no words.

My phone just autocorrected “ducking” to “fucking.” This is it. I have won. Man has triumphed over machine.

Made it back to Virginia in one piece. Highlights of the family road trip: our dinner of vodka and pretzels in a hotel in Savannah; ten hours listening to an audiobook about Teddy Roosevelt; and my father driving me absolutely insane playing DJ and relentlessly switching songs ten seconds in.

Top hits of day 1: my father being very creative with lanes, almost going the wrong way down a one-way road, arguing with the gps lady for an astonishingly long time… and me missing the entrance for our hotel, getting shunted back on the highway, and having to drive to the next STATE to turn around

Ok team, the world may be burning but I still have to drive my parents fifteen hours from Florida back to Virginia. I guarantee that hilarity will ensue. Stay tuned.