BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani will implement Sriracha Law

If I see anyone stealing food this winter... ...no I didn't

This is an Associated Press photo, and that is not a shadow

Using last Tuesday as a divining rod, we can find our way here

BREAKING: Nancy Mace expected to make a full recovery after whiplash from 180 degree self-own

He has a sharpie on him at all times, so if someone could draw a dick on his face next time...that'd be swell, thanks!

That outfit was a choice...and you don't even know which one I mean

SPREAD

Here's a picture of the pipe bomber...coincidently, the same height and gait of horse-faced, spork-footed MTG

He doesn't want people to starve, because he doesn't have that level of concern - eat, don't eat, whatever This is about HIM. He can't stand to lose. He won't tolerate people who disagree with him or rule against him If a judge ordered him NOT to feed people, he'd feed them out of spite

My whole bean Colombian coffee was $13.99 two months ago

You will never see a woman driving a Cybertruck. And if you ever see a woman or a child in any of the other seats, call the cops

Five years ago today - Rudy G campaigning for NostraDumbass at the Four Seasons "Hotel" in Philly

BREAKING: Nancy Mace expected to make a full recovery after being absolutely FACED by community notes

Tuesday was more impactful than you realize

My whole bean Colombian coffee was $13.99 two months ago

We're really just gonna 'Weekend at Bernie's' this shit for the next 3 years, huh? If he died in office, would we even know?

The most expensive sandwich ever made

He's wondering if he should slap another blood capsule on his face

HA HA...this you?

It's wild to me that media and critics are laser-focused on misuse of government assets and not that an actual human female is willingly hooking up with this cross-eyed garden gnome

@meidastouch.com couldn't have made a better advert

I keep a few of these stickers in my wallet at all times My whole bean Colombian coffee was $13.99 two months ago

Documenting your war crimes like the idiot middle child boasting how he just fried an ant with his magnifying glass

Universal healthcare is SO complicated that only 32 out of 33 developed countries have been able to make it work

"Felonies, murders, war plans...if you can think it, we can share it Signal...b'cuz FUCK YOU!!!"

I'm really enjoying Li'l Mikey campaigning for the Dems

This gaggle of myopic morons are why republicans won't win another election for the next 20 years

Out of petty curiosity, and in the unlikely event this reaches any of the million+ racists who said they'd leave NYC if Mamdani became mayor...where y'all going? Just trying to get a feel for the cities I should avoid

Guess who's up for re-election and desperately trying to convince her constituents that she's not a feckless, spork-footed performance whore

According to Multiverse Theory, a timeline exists where he died in Vietnam, penniless and alone, at the hands of his own platoon

In case you needed a reminder we live in the dumbest timeline

Universal healthcare is SO complicated, only 32 out of 33 developed nations have been able to make it work

I'm reminded of the time Nancy Mace wore an arm sling after an "aggressive" hand shake

What a fuken embarrassment Not a club, rock, flagpole, rebar, bullet, bear spray...a sandwich I wouldn't have even showed up to court A DC sandwich shop should make a 'Lairmore' - White bread, double turkey, extra mayonnaise

A lie every 1 minute, 33 seconds Woulda been more if the host wasn't so verbose

Is the guy Dick Cheney shot in the face still alive?

Adderall Shitler taking credit for funding SNAP in 3...2...

Am I petty to be so excited to wake up Wednesday, like a simple kid on Xmas morning, to the exploding heads crying about Mamdani's win? I don't even live in NY

I dare one of you feckless @housedemocrats.bsky.social @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social

And can we talk about the choice to wear skin-tight leather pants in front of a self-proclaimed couch fucker They definitely bumpin', and I'm dry heavin'

Now try to imagine the shit that goes down when it's NOT on camera

That was another successful, and really fun Halloween! <Narrator: He locked the front gate and turned off the lights>

I'm gonna need investors...who's with me?

Found another turncoat @fetterman.senate.gov @johnfetterman.com #Fettermanchin

Nancy Mace is the "I wanna speak to the manger" of "Do you know who I ams???"

Celebrating one year of Xitter in my rear view 🥳