rowan sexamungus
@samschlong.bsky.social
📤 4691
📥 271
📝 2593
phone longer than my dick they call me samschlong 🏳️⚧️
pinned post!
every past iteration
2 months ago
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when you screaming ash baby but she kinda fw that lowkey
2 days ago
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i think its art when the imprint of you is left on the world, and also when it is absent, and especially when it melds with someone elses imprint, and even when that imprint is temporary
2 days ago
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nancy pelosi asking joe bidens nurse: "is oomf okay 🥺"
6 days ago
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tension outside
6 days ago
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backfire
6 days ago
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reposted by
rowan sexamungus
marissa walmart dog
7 days ago
i just bought a toilet and the shit came with it
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it is a chill that rises
7 days ago
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theyre making me jerk it raw and bloody for science
7 days ago
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there are a lot of dead animals on the road lately and they startle my cars ABS
8 days ago
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inventing a new color its called electric piss
8 days ago
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i do not understand what taylor swift looks like
10 days ago
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guys we need obama 2028
11 days ago
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aborted rizzler be like i wish i could give 3 big booms
12 days ago
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(beastie boys singing intergalactic) like jeffrey epstein the pedophile!
14 days ago
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why the fuck do people take general criticisms of ai so personally. i dont care if you use it. you dont have to justify yourself to me
15 days ago
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i need eric andre to become an old man and do jokes about his old man cock and balls
16 days ago
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dude flaccid dick feels like jimmy dean sausage links. the little frozen ones. holy shit im a genius
16 days ago
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closing my office door to pick my nose
17 days ago
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"straight" dude who can only fuck women wearing strap ons so he can jerk them off
19 days ago
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black francis
19 days ago
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BLEED
20 days ago
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dunno what this is
21 days ago
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RIP OFF
21 days ago
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reposted by
rowan sexamungus
this is what 5 beers and chinese takeout feels like
10 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
testing my teleporter out and someones fuckin baby appeared what do i do
9 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
heyy baby (offers you a green healign crystal)
9 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
i wanna be 16 again in the same way that i wanna be an orc from lotr. do u get me therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)
9 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
i think someone should put me in a pan with some chopped onion celery and carrot and deglaze the pan with red cooking wine once we get all sweaty and smelly and translucent
8 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
boss: hard at work? me: (frantically covering pants) NO
8 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
(watching a dog) maybe i would sleep better if i did little circles too
7 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
coworker said fiona in ogre form was ugly so i had to curse their lineage
7 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
found this in my files and started laughing really hard
7 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
you could give me absolute evidence that someone came in my chalupa and id fucking eat it anyways
6 months ago
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i shiuld patent this
add a skeleton here at some point
21 days ago
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rowan sexamungus
my dick maintains erection by way of small gnomes holding it up
5 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
a stroke is just the erection of the brain
5 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
when shes so fine but she keeps painting fake holes on the wall for you to run into
4 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
tormented by ghosts and spiders on the walls like a fucking peasant in a kings catacombs
4 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
strokin my shit to really mid comedy specials
4 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
i am alive in this moment
4 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
i need a funny moments compilation about me
4 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
the ancient texts (my childhood) got me fucked up yo
3 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
pirate with a fleshlight attachment for his hook hand
3 months ago
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rowan sexamungus
when quentin tarantino dies his foot fetish rises from his body and shoots across the world to find a destined newborn suitable to wield it
3 months ago
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can you believe morbius was 10 years ago
21 days ago
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they gotta figure out a way to take the autism out of my brain so i dont lose this job
25 days ago
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i want the world to experience how it feels to have the means to support yourself because i think it just fixed whatever was wrong with me
26 days ago
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cold
27 days ago
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mister president how are you going to address rising penises
about 1 month ago
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trump but hes bent at a 90 degree angle: crooked joe, always sideways, can never be upright, loves to be perpendicular to me
about 1 month ago
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