when you screaming ash baby but she kinda fw that lowkey

i think its art when the imprint of you is left on the world, and also when it is absent, and especially when it melds with someone elses imprint, and even when that imprint is temporary

nancy pelosi asking joe bidens nurse: "is oomf okay 🥺"

tension outside

backfire

i just bought a toilet and the shit came with it

it is a chill that rises

theyre making me jerk it raw and bloody for science

there are a lot of dead animals on the road lately and they startle my cars ABS

inventing a new color its called electric piss

i do not understand what taylor swift looks like

guys we need obama 2028

aborted rizzler be like i wish i could give 3 big booms

(beastie boys singing intergalactic) like jeffrey epstein the pedophile!

why the fuck do people take general criticisms of ai so personally. i dont care if you use it. you dont have to justify yourself to me

i need eric andre to become an old man and do jokes about his old man cock and balls

dude flaccid dick feels like jimmy dean sausage links. the little frozen ones. holy shit im a genius

closing my office door to pick my nose

"straight" dude who can only fuck women wearing strap ons so he can jerk them off

black francis

BLEED

dunno what this is

RIP OFF

this is what 5 beers and chinese takeout feels like

testing my teleporter out and someones fuckin baby appeared what do i do

heyy baby (offers you a green healign crystal)

i wanna be 16 again in the same way that i wanna be an orc from lotr. do u get me therapist: yeah uh huh (nodding)

i think someone should put me in a pan with some chopped onion celery and carrot and deglaze the pan with red cooking wine once we get all sweaty and smelly and translucent

boss: hard at work? me: (frantically covering pants) NO

(watching a dog) maybe i would sleep better if i did little circles too

coworker said fiona in ogre form was ugly so i had to curse their lineage

found this in my files and started laughing really hard

you could give me absolute evidence that someone came in my chalupa and id fucking eat it anyways

i shiuld patent this

my dick maintains erection by way of small gnomes holding it up

a stroke is just the erection of the brain

when shes so fine but she keeps painting fake holes on the wall for you to run into

tormented by ghosts and spiders on the walls like a fucking peasant in a kings catacombs

strokin my shit to really mid comedy specials

i am alive in this moment

i need a funny moments compilation about me

the ancient texts (my childhood) got me fucked up yo

pirate with a fleshlight attachment for his hook hand

when quentin tarantino dies his foot fetish rises from his body and shoots across the world to find a destined newborn suitable to wield it

can you believe morbius was 10 years ago

they gotta figure out a way to take the autism out of my brain so i dont lose this job

i want the world to experience how it feels to have the means to support yourself because i think it just fixed whatever was wrong with me

cold

mister president how are you going to address rising penises

trump but hes bent at a 90 degree angle: crooked joe, always sideways, can never be upright, loves to be perpendicular to me