head in my hands reading "former president trump" in this book

if life were WoW id still wanna die but id get everything done way easier

inventing new and interesting ways to fall down the stairs

drat! my forcefield has weakened! the evil wizard is sending powerful beams directly to my thoughts

slip n slide covered in olive oil and garlic

icecrown citadel is like france for virgins

kissing is just frotting for the mouth

at the club and saw a guy eat another guy whole. head to toe. nobody seemed to care. kinda scared

winning the micropenis contest at work

damn... meesa not beating the allegations

heading to jupiter to get more stupider u want anything while im there

jumpscare

gettin the boys together to arc our piss like the good ol days

i thinj i smoked the evil weed that makes everythjng go wrong

there is a dark mist in the air tonight

poetry, get me?

im like a cat where my hat is my whiskers

all men are basically girls if you think about it

How am I supposed to explain cucks to my kids?

im cranking my "soulja boy", and by that i mean, well lets just say, my "that "

village idiot maxxing

im foreskin simpson

im 4chan simpson

i hate breaks at work sometimes cause ill be so tired and fried that i cant do anything but i also cant relax so im sitting here trying to do shit on my phone and its just not happening

rolled a critical fail on an orgasm and my dick just falls off inside her

rolling a 20 before i cum and we both explode

(during sex) "im gonna-" (rolls d20, its a 13) "cum!"

rolling a 0 for an orgasm check and i just throw up instantly

tried doing toys during sex and we couldnt figure out how to make a fidget spinner work

imagine explaining to someone in 2016 that trump winning would later result in a government agency called "doge" and a golden trump statue holding bitcoin

a stroke is just the erection of the brain

every time i have a thought i say "my brain is having a boner" under my breath

watching asmr that just makes me poop

my friends know me so well

everyone self diagnosing as autistic these days. not me though. all my friends are diagnosing me instead

so many things are happening i think the american public is acting like the ants do when you pour water on an anthill

im on that good cringe and rofl lol

one of these days ill take enough drugs to go to hell and fuck a mcdouble and live to tell the tale

i took the shrooms that make you full of love and life and everything is too beautiful to absorb all at once

american politics is basically like yeah i trust the tickle monster to make fair and equitable policy on tickling

imagine living 300 years ago where you didnt really know about physical conditions and you gave birth to a dwarf

my dwarves are unionizing

meatwad: im pickle rick wad

noah: race change to another? me: that sounds like a good aerosmith song noah: STOP TALKING ABOUT AEROSMITH

when you stimulate the clitoris the right way it makes a purple stud sound from the lego games

i see thru her like windows the way she keep my micro soft

my dick maintains erection by way of small gnomes holding it up

idc how transgender you are boy you gonna sing girls just wanna have fun the way cyndi lauper intended

turns out what we needed all along was a president whos not afraid to stroke it out in front of us

I and this fascist who only brought pure malevolence into the world may not have seen eye to eye on everything, but I certainly can't condone violence when it's used by a civilian and not a drone, or a genocidal occupation, or a group of roving, retroactively deputized kidnappers in an unmarked van