Please welcome the Pantone Color of the Year, an blank expense representing how nothing means anything anymore.

At long last

Unwashed masses: "Mariah starts the Christmas season" The cultured few:

"I’m not a hearts and flowers kind of man, I don’t do romance. My tastes are very singular.”

Please. On a scale of robots going berserk, teaching an overhand knot is like .3% evil.

Mega Bloks are compatible with your favorite building block toy. I cannot stress that enough: nonadventures.com/2025/11/19/s...

Fans of Tron clearance merchandise gonna be eating good

Just watched a Netflix documentary exposing how Batman’s cars actually do all the work for him. Sickening but not surprising.

Film critics with a "Mr. Holland's Opus" title in their saved files waiting for Tom Holland to make a good film.

Your last name becomes Pope when you’re the pope, it’s like Hilaria Baldwin.

if Dril Tweets were a person

New Sims expansion announced where Jamal Khashoggi gets deleted from your house, but it's totally cool and not worth following up on.

Ain’t no way they’d schedule a Prime Day after a Rapture. AIN’T NO WAY.

How many Tylenols before I can figure out excel spreadsheets

Cyberpunk has an opportunity to do the funniest thing ever.

TFW you're an idiot who helped put a fascist in power and now he talks about taking you down next.

Remember all the comedians complaining about cancel culture during their highly-promoted Netflix specials? Wonder where those gaping assholes are these days.

You should never wish death on your worst enemy, but if your enemy dies anyway because they are a prick, you are allowed to say "yeah ok, makes sense." nonadventures.com/2025/09/17/n...

RIP to Robert Redford, famous for some movies, but mostly for the origin of the Obama medal meme

CHARLIE KIRK SHOOTING SUSPECT APPREHENDED, STAY TUNED AS WE CREATE A PERSONA THAT FITS OUR NARRATIVE

E. Jean Carroll’s $83 million payout has been upheld! In unrelated news, Trump Brand Vape Pens releasing later this week.

Happy hour specials

Gork is this real

What if the Kennedy Curse was on us after all.

Cmonnnnnnn

I’m not even in this one but I get paid either way - the perfect crime! nonadventures.com/2025/08/16/s...

Now that James Dobson is down there, it actually kind of is Hell now.

Current obsession: cartoon "nephews" who are clearly the character's kids but you can't imply said character got a piece of ass.

People talk about cartoons “suddenly becoming woke” when these old gays were bickering nearly 40 years ago.

Respect to Vanessa Kirby for literally getting pregnant for the Fantastic Four film. Not even Daniel Day-Lewis had that level of commitment.

Turns out Ben Shapiro hates Superman, which puts it on the same level as free school lunches for kids.

I’m mostly excited about the Superman film because I prefer 80-year-olds in silly movies instead of running a nation into the ground.

Sadly I have never fought a Mecha Hitler, because none of my enemies are 17-year-old boys, or billionaires.

Happy “Forget What We Did Last January” Month!

We must rebuild so we can burn it down again

New Grimace Chosen

If anyone says “May the Fourth Be With You,” remember to say “and also with your spirit” or it’ll look like you haven’t been to church in a while.

please go back up there

Not sure if Jr considered that autism was already a regular thing but the term back then was “people who got bullied by assholes.”

These tariffs are like playing 4D chess except you’re just shoving all the pieces up your ass and saying you’re winning

Yesterday

There’s like a 30% chance he put tariffs on the McDonald Islands because he thinks it’s where the happy meals are made.

Just when you thought you couldn't hate the guy more - he keeps Tiktok around.

Me 20 years ago: “taxation of trade routes is such a contrived plot.” Me now: “ah shit”

Maybe the real April Fools were the incredibly rich dumbasses we met along the way.

Get ready for another year of April Fools or Our Unending Stupid Nightmare?