I love the ride to Ren Faire and the ride back when you stop for gas or a pre-game taco and you’re just wildly out of context ✨

I live the day when your languishing propagation chooses life and just pretends none of the last two weeks’ drama happened.

A bittersweet thing: my Great Aunt, who lives very far away from me, is beginning to lose her cognitive abilities, and so every time my brother goes to visit her, he has to tell her again that I have opened a bakery. He says she is very impressed and happy, every time.

My kids are working hard to become the stuff of rural nightmare

Pears are so beautiful. That palette. That shape. Those freckles.

If Pinky and The Brain were dogs.

As we recover from the Eaton Fire, my Etsy shop is still my only source of income. These poppy shirts are all screen printed by hand in the closet of our temporary apartment! www.etsy.com/listing/4312...

Good lord I love a chatty child. Bring your social little toddler into the bakery - I want to hear what their dog’s name is and what they ate for breakfast. You will be hard pressed not to leave with a free pastry. Absolutely makes my morning.

It dipped below 80° today. Every dish in the bakery is clean. I ate birria quesadillas with guacamole all day. And I have finished editing Draft 4 of the manuscript of Death to the Author. I feel so light 🦋

EXCUSE ME @nytimes.com WTF DO YOU MEAN BY THIS DELIBERATE BAITING

I need you to see these

My guy has been here all morning, just enjoying the buffet on the bakery window.

Early morning crippling anxiety attack: did I just write a whole-ass book making fun of a villainous author who does bad world-building and character development…AS MY FIRST BOOK?? Hyperventilating at my own hubris. This continues to be the most uncomfortably meta thing that has ever happened to me.

A hangout? Let me just check my schedule…12 hour day, 3am day, 3am day, day of nursing my wounds, 12hour day, 3am day, Sunday. How about Sunday?

There’s an elderly gentleman who comes into my bakery on weekdays and always asks if I will slice the loaf he buys. I do - happy to help. Today I found out why: he takes it down to the gas station/coffee shop and shares it with 5 or 6 other old guys who meet up for morning coffee ❤️

Curvy lil queen on my window

Testing some deeply hobbity fare for fall. Bacon, cheese and mushroom hand pie ✨🥓🧀🍄‍🟫🧙‍♂️

Kind of want to buy it just so I have more reasons to say it

Notes from the notes app. If you can tell me where they’re from you’re my people or curious enough to google it and therefore also my people.

From the bakery: Blue butterfly pea flower steeped in hot water colors the sourdough blue - doesn’t affect the flavor but it does potentially convey some health benefits to brain and eye function! The resting bunny shape of the slices is why the opening on the top of the loaf is called the “ear.”

I can tell summer is on the wane because this whole vibe is starting to call me through the fog of 93° 76% humidity

Tempting…

Forgotten by time… More specifically about 20 minutes of time 😑

In bakery land - my tiny bakery got tagged in a post by a local foodie legend and Food&Wine Chef Superstar ✨🥖. Such a nice thing to wake up to 🥰

It is the time of year when I almost die three times a day because box tortoises insist on crossing state highways 😩😩😩

Sitting in my car at 10am at a QuikTrip eating spicy beef jerky and drinking a coffe-machine mocha while I wait for a guy to come sign an insurance check - I’m either about to be in a 90s comedy heist or I’m just a big raccoon.

I talk to my oven and blow her a kiss every time I shut her down - sometimes the customers hear me and I do not care how crazy it sounds. My girl is 50+ years old and still making bread. She deserves all the kisses.

A moment of silence while I try to remember why I only dress this way when I’m pretending to be Victorian novelist in a 3 minute comedy sketch

I tried to be Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing. But I am in fact Parched. Bothered. All Over the Map. Bloodstained. Ravening.

Me on the internet: this thing has gotten bad recently People on the internet: lol, where have u been it’s always been this bad 🙄🤣 Wtf kind of cope is this? No, I did not used to sit through 40 minutes of previews at the movie start time. Things get worse you weirdos, and it’s ok to say so.

My children, who are raccoon-kind, have developed elite nicknames for each other - amazing phonetic references with perfect goblin energy: Belrog and Rodent

Beautiful creature

This was $2 at Costco and it is a LOT of nonsense thrown together - I see you trying to offload overstocked ingredients, McCormick, and this better not be my new favorite flavor because I know you’re never making it again.

A fantasy character who’s a witch with a magical bunion named Arthuritis that gives her powers and warns her of dangers and complains about her cute shoes. Yes it’s a self-insert.

One thing about me is I love giving myself a haircut and I have been doing it (with mixed results) since I was 15.

Miscreant. Stay out of my garden.

I just spent a full minute trying to pantomime “My dog will bark at you when I let him out but don’t worry he just has to pee and then I’ll put him back inside” to one of our non-English speaking roofers only for the dog to completely ignore them and come back inside on his own.

Tomorrow is haircut day. I’m so excited. I’ve been waiting and waiting to cut my hair. My husband is not so enthusiastic. That’s fair. It’s always his sink full of hair.

Every time I see a birds nest I am blown away. What do you mean you made this after 1 year of life. I am 42 homo sapien years old and I still can’t crochet a straight line.

You know what makes me mad is when I open an app and there’s a really cute object and I’m like “omfg what is that object I love it can I have it - that frog with a knapsack is adorable; that plushy ship’s lantern is so whimsical” and it’s a DOG TOY.

I should not be allowed to interact with the health inspector. When he said “ok looks good!” I said “REALLY???” And then spent 5 minutes trying to explain that I wasn’t hiding anything I just have really high standards but obvs not that high because there are dirty dishes from this morning I’m sorr-

I do not want to work today. I just want to sit on my front steps and stare at my little plants. Look at them. They’re all doing such a good job. They’re beautiful.

LURID

‘On The Rocks’ Page 22/31 (part 1/2) Morning Odan 🌅 #ontherocks #mermay #art #mermay2025 #OCs #folklore #selkies #fantasy #webcomic #comic

My favorite kind of houseplant will always be “Stole a prop from a public place and it tried to die so I ignored it and after a week it said ‘Fuck you I’m gonna live so hard - here’s six new leaves while you were sleeping.’”

Spotify really throwing spaghetti at the wall trying to make sense of my listening habits here

I was feeling like the book I’ve written is an unlikeable waste of time so I went over to Goodreads to check out the ratings on Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell and now I feel better.

I believe the saying goes “an army marches on its good will towards the establishment”

You guys are not ready for the gay Wuthering Heights skit I’m writing. I don’t even like Wuthering Heights and I genuinely want this made into a feature length film.