David Rees’s pencil sharpening technique doesn’t work on my completely round Star Wars pencil. ✏️

“Some people call me the Space Cowboy… yeah.” No they don’t, Steve. “Some call me The Gangster of Looove.” I’ve never heard anyone… “SOME people call me MAUR-ice!” (wolf whistle) Literally no. Cuz I SPEAK… of The Pompatus of Looove.” Get out of my house.

When you make a joke and get CRICKETS then some slobbo hack makes the same joke and OH SOOO FUNNY HOW DID YOU THINK OF THAT. This must be why comedians are bitter.

All of my musical opinions are correct.

If one more person whines, “Don’t fight baaaaaack that’s what he waaaaants…” I swear just leave because you’re not willing to remove the boot from your neck.

People on Reddit just say the dumbest shit with confidence. “In the 90s, we ALL wore matador hats.”

You can’t “shame” ICE. They love it. Get to the root. Insecurity. “Giving your family a break from teaching them a lesson, eh?” “Have you impressed your dad yet?” “How erect are you right now? Like half chub or like, diamond?” 💎 “Got bullied in school, huh? Wasn’t that like, 40 years ago bro?”

Getting a haircut at the flea market sounds either really bumpkin or really hipster.

Please Denmark. Buy California. 🇩🇰

“They don’t make XXX like XXX anymore” and “This could never get made today” PLUS “Kids today will never know…” is the lowest form of discourse and it must end.

ICE has daddy issues. “Look at me! I’m being mean to the people! Do you love me yet, daddy??? Am I a man now?? Is this in addition to beating my wife enough???”

A tiny earthquake while watching Hereditary. Well played, Forces of Evil.

So children have to fear being shot in school plus be terrified that ICE will take away their parents at the bus stop.

Jesus FUCK people just can’t stop sucking trumps dick. You’re so healthy! Here’s my peace prize! You’re a Christian! Anything you say! Weak pathetic bootlicking worms. Insecure feeble cowering little sheep.

Destroy Decimate Crush ICE NOW!!!!

Destroy.

So once ICE murders everyone in America, then what? What’s the Big Endgame?

If we have the Olympics, ICE is going to go around beating everyone up because they’re not citizens.

All the wife beaters and child abusers are in your city and they’re armed and can do whatever they want.

Pointing out the hypocrisy is tired. Burning down this administration is wired.

🎶 scott adams??!? … I know him. That can’t be. He’s that little man who spoke to meee all those years ago - was it, 05? 🎶 🤴🏻

Ha ha the ICE thug fell down let’s all laugh at them it makes them feel bad that’s how we win. You don’t take down a violent gang with giggles.

It’s not bravery to act when there is no fear of consequence. If you can do what you want with impunity you can be a huge coward and do whatever you want anyway. Real bravery is acting when there will be punishment but you do it anyway.

I dislike serial killers as entertainment. Mindhunter was good. I like learning how they catch people.

ICE is allowed to “pull you over” if you’re driving. So I should stop my car for a bunch of masked strangers in an SUV? I don’t think so.

When will Trump announce it’s illegal to be gay and then a Gestapo starts raiding clubs and bars?

Everybody knows I love lesbians.

My first stepfather would have joined ICE. He was exactly this loudmouthed racist abusive woman-hating piece of shit. He’s dead now. 🎉

Eat shit. Your rules are trash. Why would we follow rules? Fuck you.

#abolishice #stopice #endice #buryice

Well, someone with my name is getting AT&T air wifi but at least I’m not being charged. I’m just getting their emails.

Argle bargle MTV isn’t what it used to be. SO? Videos are on demand now. Shit has moved on. The demo doesn’t want to watch one channel for hours. It’s not that world anymore. Let’s not act like a bunch of grouchy old people. We sound like our parents complaining about us watching MTV all day.

Megan Thee Majesty

Free-spirited women in movies often get punished.

Mark your calendars! The Women's March has A "Free America" walkout planned for January 20th, 2026. To join a Walkout near you, check here for locations: action.womensmarch.com/calendars/fr...

A cat named Jason Mews?

The French Revolution called, and they’re looking at us like we refuse to smoke in a cafe.

Turns out wearing froggy and panda suits and expressing joy through dancing and laughing doesn’t topple a dictatorship. Huh. 🤔

I bought a Dubai chocolate bar at 7-11 without looking at the price and I should have looked at the price. I’ve made a huge mistake.

I really need someone IN ADDITION TO the women of color to stand up and denounce this fucking mess.

Fuckface.

Ooooh I read 4,811 books this year! Well, I pretended to read 4,812 books!!

Nobody do anything about the literal bombs being set off at 3:30AM until 4AM. Whatever.

Eat fiber drink water. You’re eating too much fiber and drinking too much water.

MTV isn’t closing down.

My Dr’s office has the waiting room TV set on that Motion Smoothing setting and it’s so horrible.

A big part of pool skating is just coping.

I suspect that some of these celebrities may be lying about their ages. People that were adults when I was a kid are suddenly younger than me.

In Jerry Lewis voice.

There’s going to be a Scrubs return. Not a reboot. Same cast. EEEEEEEEAGLEEEEEEE!!!!!