i feel like this year a lot of you have forgotten the true meaning of Toyotathon

a reminder to anyone with more money than the rest of us: you are playing the Ultimatum Game! 😊 did you know that larger rats, when play-fighting, will purposefully lose about 30% of the time? this is because social animals instinctively experience intense joy at the opportunity to eat defectors!

Sound of Music 2 Sound 2 Music SoM3: Sounder The So¥nd 4 Mu$ic Hills!: Musicer SIXound VonTrapps vs. Arch-Hitler Seven of Music 8Sound/Music8 Th9 Soun9 o9 Von Trapps “A Hawaiian Total Mystery!” Lisel’s Vegas Wedding [Untitled Baron Von Trapp Prequel] Scooby meets the Von Trapps/ Harlem Globetrotters

actually she’s only a ‘MILF’ if John Cho from the East Great Falls region of Michigan, circa 1999, wanted to fuck her otherwise she’s just a sparkling cougar

Important proxies, Castlevania edition.

they should invent a version of namaste that means, like, “the tism in me vibes at the same frequency as the tism in you, my friend“ and another one that means “yeah lady i’m sure your kid is on the spectrum; as the grown adult selling them elf-cards, now pls stop interrupting our rad conversation”

Your FLGS Magical thGathering post-game etiquette guide (it *WILL* be enforced!): Optimal: “Good game.” Suboptimal: “Fuck your deck, pickle-shart.” Inappropriate: “In response I disrobe; your scoop does NOT resolve. Now sit back down so Mommy can spank your naughty little tush the way she likes.”

The one thing I do appreciate about the US is that no other culture I have ever encountered would produce a folksong where the devil challenges a kid to a duel in an obvious morality play about hubris and then the kid just absolutely kicks his ass and wins the fiddle Moreover, ICE must be destroyed

Cleric: You’re SURE this is safe? Wizard: I believe it was Dr. Hugo Strange, Chief of Medicine at Arkham Asylum, who said “fuck it, it’s not like this’ll make the Joker *more * crazy: let’s fire up them electrodes.” Cleric: Cleric: ooh that’s not good Barbarian: Hurry UP! My wig glue is drying!

Paladin: b-but what would the FOUNDING FATHERS think? Warlock: i don’t give one hot & greasy pickle-shart what the Founding Fucking Fath- Barbarian: ACTUALLY Barbarian: yeah uh *actually* it’s “The Thouding They-bors”. Barbarian: so … Warlock: ew i hate that Paladin: yeah wow NO ONE likes that

Barbarian: GAH Cleric: Oh? Pickle jar again? Heh. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” Barbarian: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. Cleric: Cleric: My apologies; do feel free to imagine Sisyphus however you like. Barbarian: THANK YOU. Cleric: (resumes reading scripture) Barbarian: (goes, gets chainsaw)

USA Photo of the year

just having some fun with proxies

Drow: Dark elven has no word for “boyfriend”; our closest term better translates as “devoted foot-servant (horny)”. Bard: I immediately renounce all loyalties to serve Lolth! Cleric: No. Bad. Drow: Interestingly, your word “hello” means “hot MILFs in your area (the Underdark) want me (my blood)”!

Monk: Hello. My pronouns are they/them because I have the heart of a thousand warriors. Monk: Two of them are Cheech and Chong. I feel that this last humorous statement makes me more approachable. Bard: Bard: Okay! So that … *IS* a pick-up line! What else ya got? Monk: That is all I have so far.

Bard: I can’t figure out this stupid lock. Monk: I am also stumped. Barbarian: STAND BACK, IDIOTS. Cleric: Wow. You‘d think ONE of us would have a double-digit Intelligence score, right? Barbarian: (angrily headbutting door labeled “Pull”) THAT’S RIGHT, 9 OUTTA 10! THE *HIGHEST* NUMBER THERE IS!

Paladin: Ok everybody take a knee. We gotta talk battle-cries. All: (booing) Paladin: This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about! Barbarian: I just yell AX! Cleric: Mine is “I disapprove of heresy;” I’m not changing it. Bard: *solos THROUGH THE FIRE & FLAMES on bagpipe, hip-thrusting seductively*

Day 15 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! … and in the end, dear reader, Vecna was defeated by the most unlikeliest of creatures: a German Shepard in pre-war formalwear wearing rocket-skates and wielding the Buster Sword.

Day 14 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Last I checked, the canon in-game Sword of Kas is a +6 keen unholy vorpal(!) bastard sword that grants +10 to Strength. That’s a LOT. This feels like it'll fit the bill nicely.😊

Day 13 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! What dreadful mind dares set in motion the return of Vecna? What undying evil? What total irredeemable a-hole!? Dralnu, Lich Lord is- I’m terribly sorry to say- 100% “that Lich”.

Day 12 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Citadel Cavitius, lair of Vecna, drifts across the Plane of Ash; from this tomb, his unholy presence reaches forth to subjugate all reality. ARE YOU *BADASS* ENOUGH TO STOP HIM!?

Day 11 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Saint Cuthbert of the Cudgel teaches us that foolishness - like for example, Vecna’s plan to rule the universe from beyond the grave - can be beaten. In the face. With a hammer!

Day 10 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Obad-Hai, the Shalm, the Old Faith, is neutral in all things, eternal & cyclical: he’s “where nature-gods go to unplug”. Even THIS guy hates Vecna. *That's* how bad Vecna sucks.

TRAGEDY STRIKES: local man who loves koalas just realized that, if koalas could talk, they would undoubtedly be racist as shit :(

Day 9 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! There is not one mortal brave enough to face Vecna ... FOR THERE ARE EIGHT. (or more, I’ve lost track of the team's roster; I'm pretty sure Wolverine was a member back in the 90s)

Day 6 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Vecna is the enemy of all life, all hope, and all civilization ... but of all the people he hates, The Raven Queen herself just *might* be the one who hates him back the very most.

Day 4 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Who would DARE stand against the Whispered One, the Undying King? Ioun the Knowing Mistress, Lady of Prophecy & Skill, is unafraid to oppose the so-called master of evil secrets!

Fascists: ARMED PANTHERS ARE AT THESE EVENTS, RECRUITING Libs: first off how DARE you Panthers: yeah, we’re not recruiting Everyone: Panther: promise Panther: no seriously Me: shit, yeah? it would be a whole lot cooler if you did I feel like, but i respect your decision based on your expertise

i think that inflatable costumes & dancing increases are part of an important barometer measuring an abstract “America’s tolerance for bullshit” these are *important* indicators i’m seeing a lot of canaries all over the floor of this coal mine, so it’s very cool that the frog is still dancing!

oh my god If i- if I made something like THIS about myself, about me *doing* this, using Ai, it … i wouldn’t want my children to know not anyone it would be the most shameful thing I had ever done; you could not WATERBOARD it out of me I would not post it online. truthsocial.com/@realDonaldT...

What did you do for a Klondike bar? WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Day 3 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Our first "replacement card" on the event's Universal Sideboard, this card overwrites the preexisting Hand of Vecna during the play.

Day 2 of our 15-day countdown to the RISE OF VECNA team-vs.-team, Commander-format D&D / M:tG crossover special event! Who dares stand against the apocalyptic tide of Vecna’s shadow? ONLY SAINT CUTHBERT, MOTHER-SINNER! Foolishness *CAN* be beaten!

Do you have what it takes to defeat Vecna!? #mtg #magicthegathering #dnd #vecna #mtgRiseOfVecna

Spellbound Stories is proud to present on Friday, October 31st at 5:30 PM RISE OF VECNA In this fateful hour, a desperate plea goes out across the land … for the Whispered One himself, Lord of the Rotted Tower, reaches forth once more to RULE THE UNIVERSE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

Oh shit, you guys. My joke about the phone call I got from Johnny Antifa, he/him CEO of Antifa©️CorpLLC™️ got me in Facebook jail. My sincerest apologies to anyone frightened by this dangerous organization or individual.

Bard: Check out my “mullet“ armor! Get it? Wizard: How is ass-less chaps & a spiked codpiece a “mullet”? Bard: BUSINESS IN THE FRONT! PARTY IN THE BACK! Cleric: No. (spritzes bard with holy water) No. Heresy. Bad bard. All: but Cleric: Also NO. (spritzes everyone) No. Bad BAD adventuring party.

everybody i just got off the phone with Johnny Antifa, he/him CEO of Antifa©️CorpLLC™️ he said email is down across the company and probably will be until Friday(!) he wanted me to pass this along to everyone: “And how we burned in the camps, later.” don’t know what that means but hope it helps! 😊👍

In canon, entering Bloomburrow converts you into your fursona: Jace ➡️ fox-Jace: “ethnically fox” in the same way that Nick Wilde is. ERGO: Hasbro/WotC Now has an opportunity — and arguably obligation! — to reveal & provide art for the fursonas of: - Nicol Bolas - Elminster - Donatello - Spider-Ham

okay can we *all* agree that *IF* they bring Morbius back to all the theaters this coming weekend that we will ALL go see it this time? i know that none of us are gonna go see Tron, but like it’s the least we can do, you guys seriously i feel like some of you guys are being real jerks about this

When is the part where somebody steals the Spear of Destiny from Trump — like he stole it from Marco Rubio in 2015, like Prescott Bush stole it from the Nazis — and the power of the Antichrist fails him so he & all his cronies get poetic justice? Did somebody miss a hidden door on Epstein’s island?

Necromancer: Goin‘ to the bodega, want anything? Bard: LITTLE HELP? WE’RE IN COMBAT!? Necromancer: With a vampire’s zombies. What am I supposed to do? Cleric: TELL YOUR ZOMBIES TO FIGHT HIS Necromancer: Yeah, I’ll hit this guy‘s Porsche with *my* Porsche: that’ll show him! I’ll get you a KitKat.

Bard: How’s your big dumb “Language Model“ automaton working? Wizard: Surprisingly poorly! It keeps telling me to eat rocks! Bard: Bard: Did you tell it to STOP doing that? Wizard: Several times! Bard: … but if you ever DO get it working? Wizard: Oh, it will kill all of us! Almost immediately!

100%

Cleric: Consider the grapefruit; much like the dumb god I worship, neither grape NOR fruit! All: Cleric: But it IS a fruit; other than the pineapple, in fact, the LEAST grape-y of all fruits! Bard: Is this secretly a *WISE* sermon? Or will you be pelting us with grapefruits? Cleric: Not tellin’.

Villager #1: Omg, did you hear the neighbors‘ kid is a hero? Villager #2: Yeah, it’s SO disappointing. Hero: Mom, I *swear* my friends & I are gonna murder a guy for the king. I just need like 200 gold for drugs. Villager #2: ugh Villager #1: Yeesh. At least OUR useless son is selling feet-pics.

Wizard: So. This is a GOOD plan to rescue the princess, right? All: Cleric: uh well no it’s YOUR plan? i was high af when we agreed to it? Rogue: No. It’s a GREAT plan. Barbarian: Omg you guys this is NOT a “sexy frog“ costume! It’s a regular frog costume; I just so HAPPEN to be incredibly sexy!

Nun: Welcome to Saint Uggo’s Home for the Unholy & Unwanted; can I help you? Wizard: Hi. Our party needs a tiefling rogue? Barbarian: (whispers to Wizard) Wizard: One who can shoot lasers. Cleric: This is disgusting. Also, I need a new chimney sweep; what have you got in a “cherubic Dickensian”?