ROLE ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m proud to announce that I have narrated this self-help book that can assist you, in times of crisis, which includes EMP attacks, zombie apocalypses, cyberattacks and natural disasters. Take a listen if you have Audible. www.audible.ca/pd/Dangerous...

You'd better thank Baltimore's choking for this. #Steelers #Clinched

The Loop of Steeler BS ends your season. #Ravens #Eliminated

The Steelers are AFC North champions… #HereWeGo | #PlayoffsClinched

Loop… why… #RavensFlock | #Eliminated

The Carolina Falcons have won today. #Panthers #Clinched

The Falcons winning also means the Tampa Bay Saints have failed. #Buccaneers #Eliminated

Which means, for the first time since Cam Newton led them to the Super Bowl (which was 2015), the Panthers have won the NFC South crown! #KeepPounding | #PlayoffsClinched

This is why relying on others is never good, Bucs. Because you never know what can happen… #ForTheKrewe | #Eliminated

Anything different about me?

That defense is insane. #Texans #Clinched

With the Texans' win, the collapse is complete. #Colts #Eliminated

And the Texans with the win have locked up their spot in the playoffs. #HTownMade | #PlayoffsClinched

It’s the end of the line for you, Colts. #FortheShoe | #Eliminated

Packers, you're in automatically, despite the collapse you're finding yourselves in. #Packers #Clinched

How do you lose to the damn Vikings? Please fix your team next season, Detroit. #Lions #Eliminated

Which means… the Packers have laid claim to the last wild card slot in the NFC. #GoPackGo | #PlayoffsClinched

The Lions had a good thing going, but unfortunately… their mismanagement of games is their undoing… #OnePride | #Eliminated

This is going to be a fun team to watch these playoffs. #Jaguars #Clinched

Rivers helped you clinch a playoff spot after all. #Chargers #Clinched

You now have the longest playoff streak in the league. #Bills #Clinched

The Colts have lost which means three things…

The Empire is... likeable? Well I guess they aren't a dynasty anymore. #Patriots #Clinched

Well done, Patriots. Now don’t screw it up, especially since it’s the first time in the Mike Vrabel era. #NEPats | #PlayoffsClinched

Aaron Rodgers says replacement referees. He's right. Way to clinch by doing absolutely nothing. #49ers #Clinched

The Lions got screwed, so the Bears benefit. #Bears #Clinched

The Lions lost today, which means two things…

The NFC East Curse is over! The Eagles have won back-to-back NFC East crowns since a streak of 4 between 2001-04! #Eagles #Clinched

Cowboys, you needed the NFC East Curse to continue to have a chance. #Cowboys #Eliminated

And in back-to-back seasons, and for the third time in 4 years, the Eagles have won the NFC East crown. #FlyEaglesFly | #PlayoffsClinched

I would say the phrase, but it’s like beating a dead horse. Hehe… Get it? #DallasCowboys | #Eliminated

Thank you Rams for your terrible special teams. #Seahawks #Clinched

Wow, #Seahawks! A legendary win deserves a legendary reward! A trip to the NFL Playoffs! #PlayoffsClinched

Miami just cannot survive in the cold. #Dolphins #Eliminated

Tua couldn’t even lead the Dolphins to Marineland, let alone the Super Bowl! I think Mike McDaniel should run Marineland. #GoFins | #Eliminated

The AFC West will have a new ruler. Will it be Denver? #Broncos #Clinched

Meanwhile, in Denver, the Broncos follow suit being the first AFC team to clinch a playoff berth. #BroncosCountry | #PlayoffsClinched

Finally, the first clinch of the season. Here's your Golem Tiger, Los Angeles. #Rams #Clinched

The Rams are the first team to clinch a berth to the NFL Playoffs. #RamsHouse | #PlayoffsClinched

The Bears winning saves us from more boring football. #Vikings #Eliminated

With the Bears getting the dub, it’s the Vikings turn to hibernate in the winter. #Skol | #Eliminated

The streak is over. The dynasty may be over. Blame the injuries, but this team sucked otherwise. #Chiefs #Eliminated

The Chiefs can finally take a break for the first time in the Patrick Mahomes era. #ChiefsKingdom | #Eliminated

With this shutout, Cincy plays Lord of Cinder once again. #Bengals #Eliminated

Bengals continue to Bung-hole. But here’s my question… WHY DOES ZAC TAYLOR STILL HAVE A JOB?! #RuleTheJungle | #Eliminated

Please improve that offense. Shedeur has hope but he's surrounded by nothing. #Browns #Eliminated

The O.G. Factory of Sadness is still apparently standing. #DawgPound | #Eliminated

I'm glad the Factory of Sadness relocated to New York. #Jets #Eliminated

And the Jets are playoff-less yet again. Has been that way since their last appearance in 2010. #JetUp | #Eliminated

Whenever things change, the Falcons never do. #Falcons #Eliminated