📚💙 If you think Sherlock Holmes stories would be a lot better if Sherlock motorboated more chicks' boobs and got peed on by his enemies, well, here you go:

Links to every store that carries this bad boy right here --> books2read.com/u/4X2Xdv

"Actually I'm an undercover agent keeping tabs on a guy who sent a threatening letter to the president. Oh, and I learned all that weird slang in a jazz bar in New Orleans." Two entirely plausible lies and this whole idiot-plot-driven book could've been 33% shorter, which would be a blessing.🌹🌹

My entire dating profile: "Just looking for someone to watch Return of the Living Dead with."

Great beginning. Decent climax. Too bad about all that dumb, boring wheel-spinning in the middle. (Literally, in the case of the endless, asinine ATV chase.) But then Whitley Strieber never did meet a cool premise he couldn't thoroughly fuck up. Wish the aliens would just keep this guy already. 👽👽

You can discovery write. You can write into the dark. You can make it up as you go along. But if you use "pants" as a verb, or "pantser" in any context, you're not a writer, you're a left-behind toddler. Learn grown-up words. It's time.

This fronts like horror but it's really a spy novel, although the bad guy's gimmick (he doesn't have a nose) isn't exactly top-tier James Bond material. I think he sets a "talking villain" record though, blathering on about his idiot plan for over 20 straight pages at one point. More in the alt. ⚔️

Looks like I'm gonna have to prop up InCon by writing another movie review book. I'll seriously consider any suggestions as to the theme anyone cares to post here, so have at it.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a novel called "She" is mostly talking, but you'd think the titular (heh) She would have something more interesting to talk about than "I'm 13 and this is deep"-level cocktail party philosophy. Pretty obvious why she's the hottest woman ever but still single.

It takes a long time every morning for me to like all the new posts of goth girls dancing around so YES I am going to be late again today STEVE.

Pimpin' ain't easy

Kimber Montgomery is desperate for validation so please repost this or at least visit her OnlyFans site.

In 1996 one Donald Maxton wrote the foreword to this omnibus collection and decided that it would be the perfect place to include massive spoilers. He's publishing's greatest monster and I hereby issue a readers' fatwa against him.

Just watched "Racist for Life, Charlie Brown" and can't say I'm impressed. How did the mean kids, who had a motorboat, constantly end up behind the Peanuts gang, who had an unmotorized raft and kept stopping/capsizing/getting lost in the woods for hours at a time? Stop insulting my intelligence. 🥜

None of you Blueskyers read, right? You just complain about politics?

Not enough Slave Leia posts this year. All the heart has gone out of this holiday.

Anyone remember the DC comic book series "Night Force"? I didn't think so. Regardless, this is basically the trash novel equivalent. I'm particularly fond of the cover hype. A good vile prophecy always spews. 🔪🔪🔪

A pretty good read, but loses one emoji for the author's note, where Steve-O insists on deep-throating the 1960s so hard that Jimmi Hendrix just blew a load in his grave. As usual, everything boomers like or experienced is, by default, the best/most important, and no one else counts. Get fucked. 😺😺😺

Reading anything by the guy who wrote "Alice in Wonderland" that isn't Alice in Wonderland is an excruciating hellmare.

Reposted under duress. #monsters #madscience #zombies #kimberisannoying

I miss Jarts because they were the easiest way to "accidentally" kill Grandma before she changed the will.

Only vampires, zombies, and animated skeletons like myself should be writing books or screenplays about the undead. Tired of "breathers" appropriating my undead culture.

Jesus Christ.

Haight-Ashbury? Yes, I do. Goddamned hippies.

Gratuitous "Nobody:" at the top of your meme? You will be blocked and reported. Reported to whom, you ask? Believe me, you don't want to find out. 🔪 🔥

Sorry for the lack of book reviews this week. I've been reading Fantasic Four comic books and like Hollywood I really have nothing interesting to say about them.

Blue raspberry can kiss my ass. Raspberries aren't blue. You know what's blue? Blueberries. You know what tastes better than raspberry, real or artificial? Blueberry. Stop stealing the thunder of your betters, blue raspberry. F you.

Action movie home invasions! Helicopter attacks! Diabetes! Incest! The Pope! Symbolism so on-the-nose it isn't even symbolism anymore! It's just... ism, I guess. You've tricked me into watching this crap twice now, Coppola, and I'll never forgive you for it. Your daughter remains hot AF though. 🐴 🐴

Yeah...this guy. Upside: I've been finding his books for free everywhere, often in trash cans. This one is nowhere near as good as it thinks it is - it's just his Sandman comic, rewritten in Stephen King's voice - but it's a passable read. Matt, you were 100% right about N.G. and I owe you $1. 👁️👁️👁️

My fellow InCon writer BDS got banned from TikTok (for life!) for posting Goosebumps reviews, and he didn't even use bad language, so I'm probably taking a big fucking chance here. Anyway, this is the first one ever and it's pretty stereotypical, but I'll still take it over Dean R. Koontz. 🏠🏠🏠

Clown who usually writes Mary Sue law-enforcement thrillers tries his hand at a ghost novel. Manages 2 1/2 chapters before his water breaks and he just writes another MSLET. More padded than a certain editor's bra; if you cut out all the unnecessary backstory it would probably be < 50 pages long. 👻

Even if you adjust your barometer for "written in 1958/9" and "for children" these stories are inexcusably dumb. Like "even the most left-behind kids who swallowed the Star Wars Prequels will be insulted" dumb. Extra disdain for "Sign Among the Stars", easily the most idiotic thing I've ever read. 🚀

Idiot, annoying middle-schooler (so, entirely relatable to the target audience) sneaks off to an amusement park that's like Willy Wonka meets Westworld meets Pleasure Island and bad shit naturally goes down. Dumb but held my interest, like Kimber when she wears a short skirt to the office. 🎡🎡

Shoutout to all the bots with anime girl avatars that have automatically followed me! I can see that the Bluesky social media experience is going to be just as obnoxious as all the rest.

Thousands of meteors crash to Earth, meteors full of WEREWOLVES! Why? How? Don't ask stupid questions. They destroy civilization in record time and only the main guy and his friends who happen to have a spaceship can stop them. Moonbane epitomizes why I read this sort of fiction. To get dumber. 🌕🌕🌕

Is it bad form to like your own posts? Because hell this I'm liking my own posts.

Chelsea Chance is rich, beautiful, sociopathic, and still in high school. So, 100% my type. Her debut hardcover - a dark, teen sleuth adventure with a supernatural twist - is now funding on Indiegogo and you should check it out because I'm being paid to suggest that.

Novelization of the turd film inexplicably beloved by all old white guys. Modern Navy cats mysteriously sent back in time endlessly debate whether to stop Pearl Harbor. They FINALLY decide yes, only to instantly return to the present. Literally the biggest cop-out in the history of man. F this BS. 🇯🇵

Sherwood Anderson writes a werewolf novel but forgets to include the werewolf. Set in 1930s Mississippi, which the novel assures us was barely racist at all. High point is a running gun battle between the fuzz and some yokels, which, you might notice, has absolutely nothing to do with werewolves. 🐺

Hello. My name is Mr. Satanism and I've been a supervillain since the late nineteenth century. Remember all those times the world was almost destroyed? That was me. I'm here to talk about the books I read, and shill for Inept Concepts Publishing. I'm to use minimal swear words so this won't be easy.