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MAGA and Republicans be like

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So a pedophile bought Twitter to make another pedophile president to prevent both these pedophiles from going to prison. Prove me wrong.

BREAKING: DOJ claims releasing Epstein client list unnecessary when list of Trump cabinet members already available.

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BREAKING: Death claims absolutely the wrong person from “Home Alone 2.”

BREAKING: Rather than reveal the truth, President Pedophile doing everything in his power to kill us all.

In case you haven’t been paying attention we’re nearly at the final verse of the “First They Came” poem.

In heaven Kevin never gets left home alone. #RIPCatherineOHara

Only a shithole country would arrest journalists before murderers.

BREAKING: To protest ICE brutality majority of Americans participating in general strike today. According to labor experts, only people “working” appear to be paid audiences for Melania Trump’s new movie.

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BREAKING: In effort to boost ticket sales White House announces for this weekend only audiences of Melania Trump’s new movie will receive their very own fully unredacted, autographed by Donald Trump, gilt-edged copy of Epstein files.

BREAKING: Rob Schneider getting divorced which means Rob Schneider was married which means truly anything is possible.

BREAKING: Audiences and critics agree, new Melania Trump film so awful you’ll want ICE to burst into the theater and shoot you in the face.

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Goddamn, I cannot WAIT to watch these motherfuckers BURN.

I imagine the hardest thing about being an American Olympic athlete right now must be trying to find another country to represent.

BREAKING: According to Kristi Noem, official ICE policy is any agents caught murdering people while on duty will be immediately sent on vacation.

BREAKING: White House announces citizens who refuse to see Melania Trump’s new movie this weekend will be summarily dragged out of their homes and shot.

BREAKING: According to Republicans peaceful protest while bearing arms now a capital offense but inciting an insurrection, fraud, sexual assault, and pedophilia are presidential prerequisites.

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BREAKING: Majority of Americans extremely doubtful ICE actually searching for criminals, sex offenders, and pedophiles because there’s been a one man trifecta hiding in plain sight for over a year at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

One thing’s for certain: Minnesota’s not a swing state anymore. Dumb motherfucker made it solid blue for at least the next hundred years.

Listen. I love white people. I really do. Some of my best friends are white people. Hell, my wife is a white person and I love her to pieces. So believe me when I tell you: White people, you are REALLY fucking this up. And by “this” I mean “the world.” Do better. Please.

Impeached? Fired? Ostracized? Fuck that. These motherfuckers need to HANG.

GENERAL STRIKE. FRIDAY, JANUARY 30. No work. No school. No shopping. SHUT DOWN THE COUNTRY for Keith Porter, Renee Nicole Good, Alex Pretti, and the countless other human beings whose kidnappings, tortures, and murders WEREN’T CAUGHT ON FILM. ABOLISH ICE NOW.

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So grateful to my in laws for babysitting today so my wife and I could trade the current misery of our world for a far too brief two hours of the completely tear duct draining meditation on the loss of a child that is Hamnet.

There are more of us than them. They can try to kill us all but they will only succeed in making more of us. ABOLISH ICE. RESIST FASCISM. FUCK TRUMP.

Make no mistake. This is absolutely, positively, 100% some Nazi shit.

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After the obvious and gleeful murder it’s the bald faced lying that infuriates me the most.

FUCK ICE. FUCK MAGA. FUCK TRUMP. And if you still support any of this fascist bullshit, FUCK YOU TOO.

BREAKING: Republicans suddenly don’t believe “a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

Use your voice before you lose your voice. ARREST, PROSECUTE, AND ABOLISH ICE NOW.

We are Keith Porter. We are Renee Nicole Good. We are Alex Pretti. They can try to kill us all but they will only succeed in making more of us.

God I hate living in a post-truth society.

Why is it that the guys online who always claim to be the smartest and most knowledgeable about a variety of topics like constitutional law or immigration trends or economics and the effects of tariffs never know they’re talking to porn bots?

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BREAKING: In surprising plot twist, it was Republicans who were coming for your guns all along.

If I’m ever murdered by my government just don’t let them tell lies about me.

He wasn’t murdered. She wasn’t murdered. It wasn’t a violent, politically motivated attack on our Capitol. Believe your own eyes over their complete lies. ARREST, PROSECUTE, AND ABOLISH ICE NOW.

At this point it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that one of the reasons Trump is so heavily invested in AI is so his administration can use it to create fake videos to help justify the murders ICE is committing.

BREAKING: Worst people you know in full support of ICE kidnapping children, murdering American citizens, and absolutely shredding Bill of Rights.

BREAKING: Donald Trump repeals Second Amendment.

BREAKING: History will note that Trump era of government sanctioned murder of American citizens officially began in Minnesota.