akkun : what’s the best way to kill someone? takemichi : kindness. yamagishi : yamagishi : [putting his notebook down] if we’re being stealthy, then potassium cyanide. yamagishi : otherwise anything from a knife to a bazooka works.

wakasa : [phone starts ringing] shinichiro : [looking at the contact name] you still call your dad “daddy”? takeomi : no, that can’t be- wakasa : [maintaining eye contact with shinichiro] hey, kei.

kisaki : i saved your life! now i can go back to ruining it.

senju : if all else fails, you can marry rich. yuzuha : i love that we always have that option.

shinichiro : i can’t believe i’m single on valentine’s day. takeomi : well, you know what they say. takeomi : rose are red, violets are blue … shinichiro : don’t. takeomi : [holding up a bottle] vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

nahoya : do you have a date for valentine’s day? mucho : yes, it’s february 14. nahoya : nahoya : nevermind.

kakucho : [holding up a glass] here’s to heaven or hell and nothing in between. ran : probably hell, though. i mean, who the fuck are we kidding?

takeomi : you know i care about you. wakasa : i know you’re full of shit. takeomi : can’t it be both?

taiju : this is the exactly kind of laugh i needed on a monday. koko : it’s tuesday, boss. inui : it’s thursday … ?

rindou : what do you think about spicing things up? shion : you know i can’t handle spicy food. rindou : no, i mean in the bedroom. shion : i can’t handle spicy food anywhere, rin.

hina : my dad taught me that there’s only one way to communicate with a bully. mikey : i see. and what was his advice? hina : [hits mikey]

hanma : hey bro, do you have a light? chrome : bro, you are my light. hanma : [clutches his heart] bro … chonbo :

souya : this is it. this test is how i die. souya : remember me as i am now. nahoya : your shirt’s untucked. souya : [quickly tucks in the shirt] okay, okay, remember me as i am now.

izana : no one can hurt you if you detach yourself from everything and avoid becoming emotionally invested in anyone. kakucho : hi. izana : shit.

shinichiro : be nice to omi once. wakasa : as much as i’d like to be a bakery, i can’t be one. i don’t sugarcoat anything.

takemichi : why do you want to be a pilot? chifuyu : to overcome my biggest fear. takemichi : heights? chifuyu : dying alone.

ran : does south think in japanese or portuguese? kakucho : bold of you to assume south thinks.

baji : i can’t believe you and ryusei broke the bed last night. you guys must have been wild. chifuyu : uh huh, yeah … chifuyu : [last night] i bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling. ryusei : try me.

mikey : what’s an orgasm? izana : when you fold paper to look like birds and shit. shinichiro : that’s oregano, idiot.

yuzuha : for the last time, it’s called cauliflower. it’s not ghost broccoli. hakkai : [staring blankly at the wall] i know what i saw.

mikey : still haven’t lost my virginity because i don’t lose.

inui : what are you wearing?! koko : [in a maid costume] i thought you wanted to role play! inui : why are- koko : I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO ROLE PLAY! koko : you said maid costume, i got the maid costume! inui : yeah, why are you in the maid costume?

shion : i’m using my veto. mochi : veto? you don’t get a veto. shion : why not? you veto me all the time! mochi : that’s because you have bad ideas. shion : name one! shion : [later] that went on for a while.

kakucho : i’m surprised. hanma : that i showed up? kakucho : no, that you’re still alive.

takeomi : where is my respect?! benkei : we’ll be sure to look for that later.

mikey : of course i care about all my friends equally. mitsuya : we were attacked while you were away. mikey : is baji okay?

koko : i have an idea. it’s deceptive and borderline unethical. taiju : i’m listening.

kazutora : [sitting in a bubble bath] this is gay. mikey : [also sitting in the bubble bath] we’re gay. kazutora : i am not this gay.

yamagishi : [finishing a theory rant] am i right or am i right? kisaki : i’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, i wasn’t listening.

sanzu : [presenting a powerpoint] sanzu : ranking guns by their names. sanzu : machine gun. 0/10, all guns are. sanzu : shotgun. 0/10, all guns do. sanzu : revolver. 10/10, fuck it sure is.

kazutora : i could be so much worse. kazutora : for example, i could start acting like my father.

chifuyu : [annoyed] you’re not ascending to godhood, you’re just dehydrated. senju : out of my way, gay boy! senju : i’m about to librate my divine self from this mortal shell! senju : senju : [kneels over] h-hospital. chifuyu : hakkai : should we help her … ?

mitsuya : you are impossible. mikey : thank you! mitsuya : that wasn’t a compliment. mikey : pretty sure it was.

sanzu : [hugs takeomi and walks away] shinichiro : now you see, omi, you’re too hard on him. shinichiro : i mean, he can be so sweet. i just want us to have a good time together. takeomi : i know, shin, i know. takeomi : takeomi : he just stole my wallet.

hakkai : jellyfish have survived 600,000 years without brains. inui : a ray of hope for chifuyu.

rindou : [sees someone doing something stupid] rindou : what an idiot. rindou : [realises it’s shion] wait. rindou : that’s my idiot!

emma : people think i’m bad but someone asked for my number in front of my brother and he wrote it down for them in a gum wrapper, threw it on the ground, and said “fetch!” and they did it.

ran : being the village freak isn’t easy, but someone’s got to do it.

sanzu : hey, senju, i … i think there’s something really screwed up about me. senju : i want to say this in just the most loving way, but there’s no way that this is just occurring to you now … ?

sanzu : i scared them, didn’t i? takemichi : they’re terrified of you. sanzu : that makes me happy. takemichi :

chifuyu : i hate crowded elevators. chifuyu : only one thing worse. when they stop and you get trapped. chifuyu : actually, there’s one thing even worse than that. getting trapped with hanma. chifuyu : hanma has the annoying talent of showing up when i’m at my absolute worst.

kakucho : be responsible for your own happiness, you know? shion : that’s depressing. kakucho : no, it’s not! shion : i’m responsible for my own happiness? i can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast.

ran : are you flirting with me? sanzu : my hand is around your throat, haitani. ran : [smirks] that’s why i asked.

taiju : don’t worry. i’ll keep inui away from you tonight. koko : [motions that inui is approaching them] taiju : go, go, go! koko : [leaves quickly] inui : hey, have you seen koko? taiju : koko died 8 years ago.

kakucho : [holding pieces of his favourite mug] i’m going to kill sanzu! koko : [completely monotone] oh, no. don’t.

ran : you’re staring. izana : i am glaring. there is a difference. ran : same thing.

shinichiro : sometimes i feel like dying. benkei : [concerned] wh- shinichiro : but then i remember that if i die, i won’t get to see you everyday. benkei : [blushes] i love you. wakasa : [later that day] sometimes i feel like dying. takeomi : same. wakasa :

hanma : you can’t take a joke. chifuyu : your dick is a joke and you explicitly said that i took that very well.

kazutora : i need to start the new year right. kazutora : somebody kiss me, it’s midnight. somebody kiss me, it’s midnight. somebody kiss- nahoya : alright, alright, alright! nahoya : [grabs kazutora’s face and kisses him] there! kazutora : kazutora : [blushing] oh …

chifuyu : hanma … is a friend. kazutora : see, it wasn’t that hard to say something nice about him- baji : oh, you’re vomiting now.