rindou : [texting mochi] hey, i just walked into this party and someone yelled dibs. shion : [texting mochi] help, i fucked up! some hot guy walked into the party and i yelled dibs.

kazutora : [to baji] you fight too much. kazutora : you swear too much. kazutora : you have questionable morals. kazutora : you’re everything i’ve ever wanted in a friend.

mucho : do you like mashed potatoes? sanzu : yes. mucho : that makes my tomodachi life game scary accurate because i feed your mii mashed potatoes and he does like it.

yuzuha : well, at least you apologized. koko : yuzuha : you apologized, didn’t you? koko : oh, yeah. “i’m sorry” were the first words out of my mouth. koko : [flashback] i’m sorry, but i’m not apologizing!

ran : currently helping my brother search for his chocolate that i ate last night.

takemichi : have you been yelled at by hina yet? mikey : i’m not scared of her. takemichi : so, that’s a no.

benkei : how do you think you did? shinichiro : on what? benkei : the final. shinichiro : it’s tomorrow. benkei : it was today at 10 am. benkei : 9th may, 10 am. shinichiro : benkei : shin …

takemichi : i don’t think straight when it comes to mikey-kun. takemichi : wait. let me rephrase that. takemichi : actually … no, that works.

nahoya : [texting] where are you? ran : i’m coming hoe. ran : home* (message not delivered) ran : home* (message not delivered) ran : HOME* (message not delivered) ran : fucking piece of shit. nahoya : [typing]

grandpa sano : the saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to any of my grandchildren.

yuzuha : i’m a pacifist. you mess with me, i’m going to pass-a-fist across your face.

emma : does it hurt? senju : not at all. emma : so no need for me to kiss it better? senju : it hurts so much. senju : i was confused, you see.

mikey : mario kart is actually life. kazutora : i haven’t played a video game since middle school. mikey : you’re missing out. kazutora : [flirting] you can re-teach me. mikey : there’s like four buttons.

souya : my husband just text me back “LMAO” from the other room. souya : i hear no laughing. no ass hitting the floor. souya : i’ve married a laugh liar.

emma : why are you two always out during rainstorms? mikey : it’s so peaceful and refreshing. i love the smell of fresh rainfall. baji : haru bet me twelve dollars i couldn’t get struck by lightning and he’s wrong.

chifuyu : [carrying peke j out of the room] peke j : [purrs] chifuyu : you are being punished. please do not purr. chifuyu : i love you.

mucho : i should have been a doctor. mucho : i look good in white, my handwriting is terrible, and i love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.

izana : [to shion] it’s okay to be sad, sometimes we need to let our feelings out. izana : just let yourself be sad. ran : [walking in] that’s nice, but why is he crying? izana : i hit him.

koko : it’s okay to take off your glasses once you feel you’ve seen enough for the day.

mitsuya : [showing off a watch he recently bought] baji : so how much did that set you back? mitsuya : uh, an hour? baji : mitsuya : mitsuya : wait- baji : [already laughing]

shion : people ask me “what’s the gay agenda?” and the answer is pretty simple. shion : wake up, eat breakfast, stare at mochi’s arms. repeat.

hakkai : my sister saw your picture and said you looked good. hakkai : she asked if you were single. senju : what did you say? hakkai : that you do not look good.

mikey : [to toman] what are you all doing here? takemichi : you didn’t think we would give up that easy, did you? mikey : that’s exactly what i thought. i’m genuinely surprised to see you here.

taiju : they were annoying, it almost triggered my fight or fight response. koko : you mean fight or flight, boss? taiju : no, i mean fight or fight. i’m not a damn bird, koko.

wakasa : good job over there, buddy! benkei : yeah, you’re doing great! inui : i’m doing everything!

rindou : are you eating dessert for breakfast? ran : yeah. what did you have for breakfast? rindou : nothing. ran : then i’m doing better than you.

chifuyu : it takes a whole lifetime to forget someone. hanma : you forgot me in the parking lot yesterday.

draken : why would anyone want to hurt mikey? baji : because they met him?

taiju : oh, so now i’m the bad guy just because i’m a piece of shit?

takeomi : good morning, wa- wakasa : don’t start, takeomi, okay? takeomi : i’m sorry, that good morning stuff was way out of line.

inui : what exam you got tomorrow? koko : communication skills. inui : oh, you are definitely failing that.

chifuyu : [messaging on snapchat] don’t screenshot me. hakkai : [screenshots] chifuyu : kai, come on.

takemichi : i’m not “ghosting” you, i forgot i was alive.

hina : i hope you two have a good explanation for this. naoto : we have three. takemichi : pick your favorite!

souya : ah, yes, my train of thought. souya : or as i like to call it, the anxiety express.

chifuyu : so how did your date go? kazutora : that depends. chifuyu : on what? kazutora : on does chewing your nails count as cannibalism? because if so then i had a very interesting date with a cannibal.

kakucho : the energy company sent us a really nice complimentary letter. ran : saying what? kakucho : that our last bill is outstanding.

mucho : yes, that is my circus, and yes, those are my monkeys, but i am NOT on shift yet.

inui : i need koko there. inui : i need someone to exchange glances with when people inevitably annoy me.

kazutora : would you date a hater? hanma : god. in a heartbeat.

naoto : he’s violent. he’s selfish. he has no self-control. takemichi : he’s an american?

ran : is this about me? mochi : no. ran : then i’ve lost interest.

senju : nii-san, can i make two requests? takeomi : what? senju : stop treating me like a child. takeomi : what’s the second request? senju : can i have your card? i want to go to the movies.

kazutora : i called you like ten times. why didn’t you pick up? hanma : [earlier, dancing to the ringtone] hanma : [present] i didn’t hear it.

koko : nothing is special about april fools’ day because everyday i’m a fool for you. inui :

inui : how do i run in heels? inui : faster than you, that’s for sure.

mikey : [hiding] shh! we have an intruder. takemitchy let them in. kazutora : when you say “intruder” do you actually mean visitor? mikey : seems the same either way.

mucho : i feel like i can be myself around you. sanzu : [confused] you’re weird and quiet around me. mucho : yes.

senju : don’t cry, waka! wakasa : wasn’t going to. senju : that’s because you are very strong. wakasa : no, it’s because i care very little about people.

sanzu : i have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn’t factor into the solution at least in some way.