Are you into prehensile vaginas and lactating third-sex god emperor twinks? What about erotic yolk play? No, just me? Well, You should check out my alien erotica. It’s like diving into H.R. Giger’s browser history. #erotica open.substack.com/pub/kevinkan...

#booksky #funny Just in case you missed this random piece of feminist history:

#booksky here's a little history for ya'll: open.substack.com/pub/kevinkan...

#booksky here's a little history for ya'll: open.substack.com/pub/kevinkan...

#Bookreviews *sniff* This is beautiful to see.

I'm waiting for the truth to come out that #Epstein and Trump had a homoerotic bromance going on for years. Lots of devil's threesomes with prolonged eye contact. We already know they shared a girlfriend.

I wanna go back to 2012. We just played Minecraft and listened to Gangnam style. Life was good.

Finding the Epstein Files is great and all, but you know what's better #booksky ? Realizing that not only is a literal no. 2 pencil a major character of a book, but it's so adorable, you've become emotionally attached and will send death threats to the author if they dare kill her off. 1/2

#bluesky I made an AI slop trailer for my book!

#booksky wanna giggle then get emotionally invested in a literal pencil? What about a garden gnome? They’re two major characters. Check out Welcome to the Deep estate. There’s Schrödinger kittens and lizard people and way too many silly things to list in one post. a.co/d/2s728tB

#booksky everyone can’t stop talking about Welcome to the Deep Estate 🤡 #scifi a.co/d/2s728tB

#booksky it’s finally out!!!!! 4/5 on good reads, absolutely hilarious and only 2.99 on Amazon. Check it out!!! a.co/d/2s728tB

#booksky I'm just a shirtless hot guy posting thirst traps about my weird sci-fi story. HBU?

America is number one! Also America:

OH MY GOD! IT'S MY VERY FIRST YOUTUBE REVIEW!!! I'M SO HONORED.

If you want dumb Onion articles, sci-fi, horror, and whatever, you should check out my #Substack substack.com/@kevinkaneau...

It really bothers me that its not ‘Random Penguin House’. That sounds adorable. #booksky @penguinrandomhouse.bsky.social @penguinbooksusa.bsky.social

@bbland.bsky.social check your chat

#booksky Early ARC Reviews are in! 1 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 2 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Snag your free review copy today! If you wanna fun giggle in the vein of Good Omens or Hitchhikers guide, this book is for you! booksprout.co/reviewer/rev...

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Primary Cause Of #Anxiety: Everyone Is Definitely Looking At You And Talking About You Later #funny open.substack.com/pub/kevinkan...

SAN FRANCISCO— In what experts are calling “a revolutionary leap in effective altruism,” OpenAI’s newly released #ChatGPT 5 has unveiled a unifying philosophy to end humanity’s biggest crises: The solution to any problem is to let the problem be the solution. substack.com/home/post/p-...

How many people make up an orgy? I say five. 2 - normie doink 3 - menagin' dat trois 4 - Double doink 5 - Orgy??? George Santos

#threads is just turning into instagram. I swear they’re now watching what you click and pause on to feed you more of it, trading out actual engagement and conversation for attention.

#Booksky If you want to see a sneak peek of my insane action-adventure comedy check out my free substack. Topics include The Backrooms, Sasquatch, Garden gnomes, Chupacabra, Secret Lizard people, The Illuminati, and Stephen King's cocaine kevinkaneauthor.substack.com/p/preview-we...

Sitting on my dad’s old man walker while he’s going to the bathroom. These things are pretty dope. I don’t think they advertise the instant chair part enough.

WOULD YOU RATHER (impossible mode) ...spend 15 uninterrupted minutes with Steven Miller telling you all his sexual kinks and obsessions. And he *will* use visual aids. OR ...Spend a night with Steve Bannon at a strip club. There will be lapdances. You must be in the room when they happen. #Trump

#Booksky If you want to see a sneak peek of my insane action-adventure comedy check out my free substack. Topics include The Backrooms, Sasquatch, Garden gnomes, Chupacabra, Secret Lizard people, The Illuminati, and Stephen King's cocaine kevinkaneauthor.substack.com/p/preview-we...

#writersky Donald #Trump is the living embodiment of the Em Dash punctuation mark.

#Lorde 's new album cover is wild.

I know what you're thinking. Get your mind out of the gutter. It's "for Whiskey Cocktails,Brandy and Juice Beverages" only. #funny

#ChatGPT every time Me: Do the thing ChatGPT: To clarify before I do the thing, do you want to do the thing how we discussed doing the thing or would you rather do another thing? Lemme know and I'll do the thing! Me: Yes, do the thing ChatGPT: Alright! Here's a spreadsheet for some reason #AISky

Ever since True Blood I’ve been envious of Lafayette’s ability to call everyone “Hooker” and not come off as a pig.

Literally the rich right now: We should invest in automated vertical farming.

#booksky Just had a stupidly long internal debate on how to spell "minute", as in 60 seconds equals a minute. I kept thinking, "Noooo, minute is how you spell it if you mean something is tiny."

American history by #Trump Sam Addams: We'll dump all the Kings tea into the harbor, dressed like Indians! Paul Revere: So they think the natives did it? Addams: Yes, for this country will be built on the principle that white men can always blame crime on minorities. Nothing is more American!

#booksky My fav footnote in my next book: *In a perplexing instance of cross-contamination, Sasquatch took the gay lingo ‘twink’ and ran with it, making it the slang for all humans. Its origin may be related to the West Hollywood urban legend of an 8-foot-tall drag queen named, ‘Sassy Squatch’

#booksky My next book in a nutshell: "John, stop trying to f*ck the Sasquatch and get your ass over here, now!"

Externally: "I'm living my best life." Internally: "Oh God, oh God. This is the best it's ever going to get."

“Anti-semantics” the act of turning criticism against Israel into criticism of all Jews everywhere. Example: The anti-semantics of the Trump administration has effectively outlawed free speech and the peaceful protest against bombing Palestine on college campuses.

Check out my new Substack! #books www.instagram.com/reel/DGQz4MK...

Swear to god, we’re living in a 1980s scifi film #LAfires LA fires

Watch Joe Biden live beyond 2028 just to spitefully prove he could have done it #politics

You will never meet a hetero girl with foot fetish. I don’t know if that says more about a guy’s ability to sexualize anything or the current state of men’s feet

A woman gets a text, “Gross, my coworker keeps sending me dick pics.” A guy says, “If you think that’s bad, I keep getting dic pics from my gastroenterologist.” The girl crosses her arms, “How can that be any worse?” The guy swallows his dread, “He took them during my colonoscopy…” #BoomerHumor

Lawyer: Is this your signature on the contract? Defendant: Yes, but I was crossing my fingers the whole time. Court: *murmurs* Lawyer: And did the other party say, “One two three no take backs?” Defendant: *leans into mic* No, he did not.

Starbucks, please stop offering my dog a pup cup. He has only three legs and so my dog insists I hold the cup in place as he slowly, sensually teases the whip cream out with his tongue. I just don’t like it. I feel dirty afterwards.

A blind man walks into a bar. -thunk- he curses, shakes it off, takes a step and -bang- Walks straight into a pole. He curses again, thoroughly confused. He takes another step and -whoop- tumbles down a slide. The blind man gets up and walks out of the playground.

Nothing gives you street cred like “you said mean things about me and now I’m gonna sue you” #drake

Eeyore: Clinically Depressed Piglett: Anxiety Rabbit: OCD Tigger: Narcissist Winnie the Pooh: The type of high functioning sociopath that keeps criminal profilers up at night.