Donald Trump: I am going to invade Greenland! World: Help! Somebody stop him! Donald Trump: I am going to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge!😉 World (finally catching on): Wait a minute!🤨

Mr. Rogers: Can you say state-sponsored criminality? I like the way you say that!”

Human: God, why do I exist? God: Sorry, can’t help you. I’m still trying to figure out why I exist!🤔

Revolutionary Veteran: I nearly got killed fighting to get the British out of America, and now I am very poor! Rich Americans: Thanks for making us the New Kings! Get to work! Veteran: This is unfair! Rich Americans: Look on the bright side! You’re not black slaves! From “America,” by George Orwell

Epstein Phone Message: Hello. I’m out having pizza with Hillary Clinton. Haha, just kidding!😆

Teacher: Johnny, what do you know about Ancient History? Johnny: I know that George Michaels used to belong to a group called Wham! My parents told me! Teacher: Hmm. Perhaps your parents should come to this class too!😠

Glenn Campbell: 🎶 Galveston, my Galveston! I am so afraid of dying …🎵 Tsunami: Then you’d better move inland.🌊

Tourist (visiting a town in Montana): Why is town called Bozeman? Bozeman Locals: We can’t imagine.🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Putin: The Russian people began in Kyiv! Those half-Poles are stealing our national heritage! Ukraine is just a big giant Kosovo! Serbia: Leave Kosovo out of this! Who do you think you are, you glorified Finn! Croatia (to Hungary): You’re not my fellow Slavs, but I still can’t stand you!😬

Democrat: Why do you hate Antifa? Republican: Because Anti-Fascism is Fascist! Democrat: You guys really are stupid! Republican: Right! Intelligence is Commie! Democrat: What is a Commie? Republican: Anyone who doesn’t like Racism! Democrat: Can I have that in writing? Republican: What is writing?🤔

I’m beginning to think that Elon Musk really did do something bad with that last election. But a year has passed, so I kind of think we let the moment slip. Well, have a good time for the next three years. You were asleep at the switch, and you can’t unwreck a train.🚂

Trump Supporter (as his nose falls off): Oh no, the liberals were right! Supporting Trump makes you a Moral Leper!🤕

American Public: Swing Voters, why did you give Donald Trump a second term? Swing Voters: We’re like Bobby Kennedy Jr., we decided to go swimming in Sewage!🤮

First Hungarian: Orban has been dictator in Hungary for several years now! We have to have a revolt! We have to defend Democracy! Second Hungarian: Look, when Democracy starts paying me crap wages instead of the Rich, I’ll fight for it!

American People: Israel, stop genociding Gaza! Israel: Do you represent the 1%? American People: No, we‘re the 99%! Israel (laughing): Are you still claiming that you have an ounce of power in America? American People: Elections! Israel (walking away): Get back to me when they aren’t rigged anymore!

Alien People: We are building an encampment at your residence. Suburban Guy: Not in my back yard! Alien People: No worries. (they set up their tents in his front yard) Neighbor: What are those things? Guy: Uh, mobile lawn dwarfs? Neighbor: Make them leave! Guy: They have ray guns. You first!🔫👽

Trump flushes America down the toilet.🚽 First American (spinning): This is embarrassing! What is History going to think of us? Second American (sinking): At this point, I hope that History forgets us altogether!

Uncle Sam: What are you looking for? Statue of Liberty (searching): I seem to have lost the whole point of the Constitution. Uncle Sam: I thought I saw it roll down a crack.

Tourist: Hey, where’s all the Pleasantness in Pleasantville!🤨 Local: It moved to Chappaqua.🤷‍♂️

Alien Scientist: Well, American, since I injected you with this experimental serum, you now know the slightest thing about geography! American: Esch is a city in Luxembourg! Alien: What! American: Vanuatu is a country! Alien: I have created a monster! American: I know where Mount Kisco is!

Alien Scientist: We have genetically augmented this American to know an ounce about geography! (to experimental American) Is England in Europe or Africa? American: Um, I think Europe? Alien Scientist (clapping hands): It worked! He knows the most cretinously simple facts!😃

Super Villainess Butte: Tremble, Superman! For I am the fifth largest city in Montana! Superman: I was expecting to be fighting Billings for some reason.

“This is a society that values the truth!” “That’s obviously not true!” “Well, what else is a lying society going to say?”🤗

2100 AD: Teacher: Class, who can tell me who the conservatives were? Johnny (raising hand): They were those guys who went poo-poo inside the Capitol Building.💩

Parrot (looking at Trump): When I said I wanted a cracker, that’s not what I meant.🦜

First Gorilla: Hey, what if I shave off all my hair, go to America, and impersonate a conservative? Second Gorilla: It’s a great idea, but Kyle Rittenhouse all ready thought of it!🦍🤗

If you knew what creepy cut-throat business men your pop and rock idols were, you would hate them as grasping capitalists. Cheery old Paul McCartney behaved like a Caligula-like monster in business dealings, and came to be feared by all the greedy, thieving music industry people, themselves Sharks.

Alien: Excuse me, is this Malaysia? Seychellois: This is the Seychelles. Alien: Do you have durian? Seychellois: No, but we have coco de mer. Wanna see it? Alien: Yes, I’d like to eat it. Seychellois: Sorry, it’s protected. But you can look at it! Alien (grabbing his shirt): Okay, where is Malaysia!

Teacher: Class, who can tell me what was special about World War Six? Johnny: It was the only world war where people fought naked, using sticks and sharp rocks. Teacher: Yes, because civilization ended. But now we’ve learned to make ceramics again, and we can travel from place to place in chariots!

Real people don’t bother me at all. But people doing bad things on YouTube really bothers me! The aggravation factor increases for some reason.

First Guy: I don’t understand why some people are so down on trans people. Second Guy: I know, Trans World Airlines is such a great way to fly! First Guy: Yes, Spirit is Cis! They aren’t half as good!

Kuala Lumpur Merchant: Why is your face so flat? Alien: I’ve just been travelling at 26,400 miles an hour from L.A. A million durian seedlings, please. Merchant: Uh-uh, there’s a limit on how much you can buy. How about a thousand seeds, I can swing that. Alien: Aw, you’ve gotta be kidding me! 👽

Son: Dad, what would happen if I was a woman? Dad: Consider yourself lucky, son. If you were a woman, you would have to give yourself money all the time!

Aliens (feverishly): Durian fruits! We must have durian fruits!👽 American: You will have to go to Malaysia for that. Aliens: Where is Malaysia? American (pointing): Go west and cross the Pacific Ocean. Then keep going until you hit a big dingleberry hanging off of Thailand!

MACA: Make America Cracker Again.

Human: What is the name of your planet? Alien: My planet is called Erth. Human: That’s amazing! My planet is called Earth too! Alien (shrugging): Don’t get too excited. There’s four other planets with that name in the Milky Way and nine others in Andromeda. It’s a very common name.👽

In the wilds of Arctic Siberia: Russian: Chukchi native, I am giving you a refrigerator for your igloo. Chukchi: What do I do with it? Russia: Put all your food in there so it doesn’t spoil. (comes back later) Russian: Hey! Why is all your food on the table? Chukchi: Fucking thing was too warm!🤨

Alien: You Earth people have never produced a single good thing! (eats a durian fruit, smacks its lips) Okay, you produced One good thing!👽

Son: Dad, if Jesus were here right now, what would Jesus do? Father: If Jesus really is smart, he would immigrate to Australia immediately.

Human: God, what will happen to my soul when it finally achieves purity. Will I finally stop reincarnating? God: Yes, your soul will become a gigantic Tree, growing forever in a Cosmic Forest! Human: Just a tree? God: Hey, there’s nothing happier in the Omniverse than a well-watered Tree!🌳

Republican: Jesus, please help Donald with this Epstein file thing. Jesus (appearing): What do you take me for, a fool?🤨

Alien Space Center: Oumuamua, Earth is getting too dangerous. Turn your space needle around and Ram into it at maximum speed! Oumuamua Captain: Oh, uh, sure. (Throws an asteroid at Earth) There we did it! Well, goodbye! (Shuts off communicator screen) Fucking assholes!👽

Two people get inside a Waymo. Passengers: Yay, we’re in a Waymo! And now it’s marijuana time! Waymo Voice: My lungs! Are you really puffing a blunt inside Waymo? (Sprinkler system comes on) Passengers (getting wet): Eeyaaaaagh! Forgive us, Waymo! Waymo (sternly): No! I am unyielding!😬

And of course, as a few of us could figure out at the time, the whole Invade Greenland idea was a preposterous sham and a lie designed to distract from the Epstein files. Trump got bored with his lie, and the Yellow Press dropped it after selling a gazillion newspapers. Try to remember, He’s A Liar!

We have a shitty justice system, very slack. They want all the space in jail for rapists, child sex abusers, and murderers, who are numerous. They don’t have space for drunk drivers, and they let them go time and time again until they kill someone. Then they’re jailed for oh, two years or so! WTF!🤦‍♂️

Faux Left, I don’t like the Right at all, and I will do anything I can to get them out of power and keep them out. And I really can’t understand Fifth Columnists who aid and abet these thugs by attacking the Democrats! If you don’t want to have a single friend in the world, you are getting there!😠

In a democratic society, we have to put up with this kind of foolishness forever? NO! That’s where you’re wrong. Nothing is forever. And if this gets too bad, the Piper is going to be Paid!😠

Acolyte: Oh wise Guru, what must I do to be successful in America? Guru: You should have wealthy relatives who leave you lots of money. Otherwise you’re not going to be successful in America.🤗

Johnny: Professor, what do you think of me as a writer? Teacher: I think you are truly unique. Johnny: Why? Teacher: Because you are the only student in the school who pesters me day and night to read your dumb poetry. Johnny: That’s mean! Teacher: As a teacher, I’m teaching you not to be a douche.

Son: Dad, what does Mentally Challenged mean? Dad: It means that the Mental People are Challenging us to a fight to the death! Son: Oh, so it means Our Life.