There are so many everyday things Britain and America have in common, but then you randomly learn they don't do pancake day and it's like 🤯🤯

Finished work, did my chores, and finally sat down to watch something Not five minutes later:

I love that Star Wars commands the gamut from political thrillers to cowboy adventures. Lots to critique about the Disney era – but it's given us tonnes of terrific stuff too. I will say though: the first cinematic release in nearly a decade would be a bigger deal if it didn't feel so... saturated

It's so funny that Reform's "Shadow Cabinet" includes two defectors from the last lot and someone who isn't even an MP Even funnier that they have 8 MPs, there are 20+ Cabinet-level roles to shadow, and yet literally half of their MPs haven't been given anything 😭 Fucking shambles man 😂😂

I'm only six episodes in but one thing about Samantha is she ALWAYS comes prepared with bubbles

I know I'm late to the party, but I've found my newest obsession

Friends, I have seen the future:

My hair did this itself

So nice to see the sun actually set, instead of just going from dark to really dark

It's FINALLY not fucking raining!!!

TV shows and movies that make gunshots or car engines a bajillion times louder than the dialogue need to stop

Just before Christmas, I got accused of not visiting my family enough (even though nobody ever visits me). Got sick of being guilt-tripped and gaslit, so I stopped being the one to make the only effort... Lo and behold: haven't heard from anyone for six weeks. 🤷‍♂️

Jon Ossoff's twink > daddy makeover is kinda 🫦

Whether Keir Starmer stays or goes, Anas Sarwar clearly plans to blame him for getting walloped in the Scottish elections. Down the road, Sarwar's intervention has finally forced the Cabinet to defend Starmer – but in a purely "at least I said something" way, not an "I really mean it" way. Mess!

Some English guy just came into the sandwich shop (in Dundee) and asked for "a square sausage and egg roll" Nah pal. It's "LORNE and egg" – and yes, "lorne" has two syllables if you're saying it right

The single biggest shock from the resignation of Starmer's Director of Communications is that he did, in fact, have a Director of Communications

Day one of no sweet treats after dinner and now I think I deserve a sweet treat as a treat.

Crying that this guy got touted as a potential next Prime Minister for like five minutes and he started posting selfies like that one middle-aged divorced guy who taps over and over again on Grindr 😭😭

The nation longs for chaos with Ed Miliband Truly, it would have been the better bet

Harry Truman: "Listen up, kid, the buck stops HERE, you got that?" Keir Starmer: *cries*

Back in my day as commercial manager at this particular bus company, diversion notices included an apology, a reason why, and (most importantly) where to get the bus instead. This is an insult.

Keep seeing murmurs of Labour MPs pitching Al Carns as a successor to Starmer You can't just pluck an extra and make them the main character, wtf?

One thing I've learned from Vietnam War documentaries is these guys used to looove wheeling out massive maps for press conferences They should bring that back

Impatient fuckers on trains need to chill omg Some guy huffed and puffed because I paused for a split second to sidle into my seat, barged past, and knocked over my full drink with his bag. No apology, obviously. Fucking arsehole. I swear to Christ people are getting worse.

No really I'm so serious when I say he should be the next Prime Minister.

Sheffield appears to have been excommunicated from the United Kingdom

Starmer is handing over documents on Mandelson in the hope that it buys him cover. But why was this information not available when Gordon Brown raised it with the Cabinet Secretary four months ago? Better yet: where was it when he appointed Mandelson a year earlier? He's cooked.

"No but I actually wanted the Tory ghoul! I was BULLIED into picking the nonce by a subordinate!" – Keir Starmer, probably

Deeply depressed with the state of the world. It actually hurts to think about.

First Katy Perry did the rounds at Davos, and now Justin Trudeau is rocking up to the Grammys Their crossover is something to behold

Accidentally wrote in my manuscript that one of the characters "shitted awkwardly in their seat". And that, children, is why it is important to go back and proof-read long after you write the first draft.

Reason #3729 to have a boyfriend: you get to tell him the most ridiculous jokes and he can't stop you

What a year January has been, huh?

Kinda crazy that they named a new burger after Hudson Williams

Saw in passing that the Netherlands is soon to have a new coalition Government and Prime Minister. Then recalled that their elections were *three months ago*. Most extreme example of "let's circle back after the holidays" in all of recorded history.

When I was a kid, celebrity deaths used to confuse me a bit – the way people would get so upset about someone they never knew. As I've gotten older, and more familiar figures are passing, it makes sense. First Carrie Fisher, then Matthew Perry – now Catherine O'Hara. All devastating gut-punches 😢

If Keir Starmer convened a meeting of First Ministers and regional leaders it would be in some poky room with the aesthetic of a 90s call centre with wonky tables of mismatching heights. And Andy Burnham wouldn't be invited.

Gen X are fast becoming more insufferable than boomers there I said it

Got on the train and there was a guy sitting in my seat. After I mentioned it he grunted, "There are empty seats over there," and pointed to some backward facing ones without a table. I looked at them, then back at him, and said, "Exactly. So can I have the one I booked, please?" Ugh.

Last year, my flight to NYC got diverted to Boston bc of a storm and we were stuck on the tarmac for 6 hours. Spent the entire time chatting to the lady next to me and anyway now I'm friends with an iconic 75-year-old who lives in the Village and has been sending me pics of all the snow this week 😭

The original vs the edit

Year-long saga with EE: failed to do basic change of address, set up new account, failed to shut down old one, kept charging me, gave my details to debt collectors, harassed me, affected my credit rating, promised £193 compensation, reneged to £117, reverted to £193 And only sent the £76 difference

Made a point in a meeting, got shot down (but in that really annoying way where people keep repeating themselves in different ways like you're 5, to the point I had to say "I get it" so they'd move on). Only for my exact point to be said by someone else and then agreed five minutes later.

I find it funny when hotels have flashy, modern lobbies but the corridors and rooms upstairs still have the same carpets, doors and curtains from like 30 years ago

Starmer's grand plan: bitch about Brexit but do nothing to reverse it. You can't "make Brexit work" with tweaks. Labour already lost my vote when it sold its soul to chase Reform voters. The only way I'll even think of voting Lab again is if rejoining the EU is on the table. Not holding my breath.

Self-service checkouts that are like "SELECT PAYMENT METHOD!! 😠😠👹" even when they're set to card-only need to chill tf out

Motorists view pedestrians as second-class citizens. On approach to a junction, they're supposed to slow down and give way. If it was another car coming, they wouldn't think twice. But I've lost count of how many times I've been screamed at for having the audacity to ✨cross the street✨

When you're unwell, your nose doesn't need to be doing all that. Switching between blocked and runny. Fucking up your ears. Dull headaches. Painful sneezes. ENOUGH! 🤧

I have never yet watched anything where Leo Woodall remains fully clothed the entire time And I am NOT complaining 🙂‍↔️

I love when people deep a frivolous post with serious explanations like the person who posted it is a kid and not just... kidding 🥴