you may not be able to have all the love you crave she may look to others before you, and hold them that bit tighter but that does not mean that the love you do have is any less real maidhood is about placing others before you any more is selfish any more is heretical accept what you have

// It is not Mother's Day here, but... Still. Much love to the greatest Mother of them all. Times like these, I am envious of Yume. Hah. <3 Stay blessed.

// I keep looking at her and thinking how wonderful she is. That's why she deserves only the finest. I love her so so so much. I wonder if her love for Shinki can ever be matched by mine for her. Haha. I'll figure it out. Just as she always does. The perfect being.

“Become greater than the divines you serve. Amass unlimited strength, hold your blade high and strike down all in your path relentlessly! I have no choice now. There must be no more musing on the possibility; all I can do is act. I will not allow you to extinguish my flame!”

“Lady Sariel… Why do you hold it in front of me? Why do you parade my corpse? There is no one else to show, so this is just for me… I still cannot tell if you are trying to break my spirit or encourage me. I shall reclaim my body. It will be mine. It will be Mother's.”

“That exhaustion that I felt during the last few days of my life… I feel it again. It is different, but still familiar. I have not been able to 'sleep', and I must not find out. I must… Mother… I do not want to apologise again. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.”

“This is what it means… to truly give yourself to the divines!” //Thank you so much @newmoonshira.squiddymoon.com for this; definitely one of the pieces I am most happy with. <3

“We have been together for some time… the Fallen Shrine has become my home for now. I am not surprised that you have only taken this fascination with me because you were able to steal my soul away. I wish you would understand my love. But I know you loathe me for my refusal.”

“There is an element regarding seeing one's own corpse like this that does not sit well with me. It makes this feel more finite. That if I cannot retrieve the body that Mother gave to me, then there is no path other than oblivion. I approached it. Lady Sariel denied me. Mm…”

“I saw… Lady Sariel carrying my body into the Fallen Shrine. It is strange, since most corpses of Makaijin do not manage to persist this long without the primal essence of their soul. We are deeply embedded with our bodies… Maybe that is a symbol of hope. I need it to be.”

“It was always in my blood. You wished to show me how to best prepare your refreshments, but I always knew. Your tastes came naturally to me, and I watched you trial the tea that I crafted for you for the first time so intently. I want to make more for you, Mother. I shall.”

“I had this latent desire that I would have heard from Alice. I know I cannot expect anyone but myself to drag me from the grave. I will not expect it, because it is selfish to do so. But I miss her. And I do not want to risk… forgetting her. If I do, then there is no hope.”

“Her name is Lady Shinki. She is Mother to all of Makai, and I am her first. Was…? No, I *am* her first. I call her Mother because she created me, and I love her as others love their parents. I am her eternal servant. Forgetting that is sin. Even with this darkness…”

“Reminiscing about the early days of Makai has been keeping the despair away. Lady Sariel has not compelled me to move across the boundary into oblivion — I still do not know why. The memories are getting foggier, however. In an attempt to remember when Mother and I… We… …”

// Despite Yumeko being… more than indisposed right now, I'd like to set up a little Q&A thing. Mainly to get me thinking about her more I guess… So do send your questions if you have any, and I will endeavour to make the responses interesting! ❤️

It is still in my hands. I can hold my blade forward, and I can steady myself. I can step force and slash through the darkness. It stays there. It keeps crawling, closing in at every possible angle, wanting to leave only misery in my company. I strike again. Until I triumph.

Hah. Even in death, I cannot stop the cravings. The desire to serve and fulfil the wishes of Mother pangs deep inside what remains of my heart and spirit. I know what I shall do first if I return. I will supply her the finest treats… A sorrowful moment it should not be.

I cannot ask Alice to save me. I cannot ask Mother to save me. It is not because I cannot trust them, but because… it would only cement the idea that I have weakened to Lady Sariel. With how she has me ensnared, the challenge ahead is difficult. But I must. Mother needs me.

yumeko's day off #東方Project

// Wish I could just keep going without feeling like I'm about to crash. Someday I'll get it under control. I know I can.

Mother. I thought about you once more. …That goes without saying, does it not? I was mocked and derided throughout my life for that. I was told that I should find value outside of you and Pandemonium. I do not regret my obsession, because your love made life worth living.

Do you remember The smiles I brought you The smiles you brought me? Perhaps you do not remember every moment You are a busy Goddess after all But I pray that each was special to you They were to me Mother If we do not see each other again Know I am still smiling Because of you

// Sorry for my evil prank I actually love Yumeko a whole lot ❤️

// Wow I don't love Yumeko!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The darkness encroaches And once the strongest flame dies out What can stop it?

Why can I not feel her? After Lady Sariel took me, I still felt Mother's touch while being led to Vina, but… No! Mother, please! Come back to me! Please do not go — you are the hope that will be the only path out of this cruel fate! Mother, please… Not like this…

This is what I made them feel. But… they did not care! Hah! They did not love Mother! They died having lived worthless lives! They died with scorn in their souls and nothing to truly attach themselves to! Their lives… ended as pointlessly as they were… I have… value…

Alice, hold my hands and travel with me. I want to come with you, no matter where you go. If it is to Gensokyo, then I shall follow you. If it is to the world beyond, then I will tear down the barriers with my own hands. I promise I will always be with you. I promise. I…

“The further you push yourself, the more I am compelled to usher you to the void myself. Yumeko, resisting will not benefit you. Your purpose is fulfilled, and this will be your final service.” The persistent presence of Sariel stood right over the spirit, (1/5)

Take me back To what I once knew Explain to me What I mean to you All I seek Is your true love And to have my heart Soar like a dove It is with you That I am at peace And in your arms Where I find release I may be gone But do not fear Call for me And I shall be near

“How could you possibly challenge me in your present state? Yumeko, you know it to be true: you were fracturing the moment you summoned us within you.” Sariel spoke with her endless calm, while the fragments of Yumeko's essence rippled with this sensation. Pain? How?

“I did anticipate that you would not go silently.” Sariel's wings spread full-mast, watching over the spirit of the demon as she brandished a spectral blade towards Sariel. Right now, the Angel was an oppressor, and was standing in the way of Shinki's joy. Reckless.

Standing on the precipice. An Angel standing behind. With that final step, there would be no return. No hapless rescue scheme would help. It was oblivion. It was absolute. The spectral form of Yumeko turned behind. Words didn't form, but her mouth moved all the same. 'Why?'

From the darkness, call for help. Until it fades away. Once your spirit has no fight left, Why would it not accept the abyss? Break down pride, crush hope. And then it will all fall into place. You will realise that you are not special, because you are like the rest. 'Yumeko'.

“… I am scared of laying down. I am trying to keep myself attentive, yet my eyelids are resisting my will. If I do not get the chance to say this otherwise… Mother, I am sorry. That is all I can do now. And it is still… not enough…”

“What would you say if you knew your words were limited? I do not really know if I could say anything of value. I could apologise, but I would still have broken promises. Alice, to you especially, I am sorry if I was not able to be here for you. Maybe you would prefer that…”

“I feel further and further detached from my own body. When I was created, it took some time to fully align myself; it is as if your soul is floating, and then you settle into your construct. The physical ailments are minor; experiencing that process in reverse, however…”

2/2

1/2

1/2

// Happy anniversary to the birth of my obsession. I love you, Yume, and I hope that I have always done you justice. Hopefully I can find something fun to do. ❤️

// Tomorrow is a special day. 12 years of musing Yumeko… when she helped me so much, and gave me something to be indefinitely passionate about. I wonder what I should do. Hm… ❤️

“'To protect the divine, you must be able to overcome them.' I have mentioned this before, but it never has been more true than now. If I cannot break free from Lady Sariel's will, then Death is what follows. I would leave Mother maidless, and that is sin. I must overcome.”

“Your embrace is so comforting, but I know you do not love me. I cannot even tell how much you care for me at all, and… that makes it difficult to want to come with you. You still are silent. Every movement closer to the abyss is taken without a word. I… I want Mother…”

Everyone has a final moment. Everyone's dreams eventually come to a close. Some get to choose when their stories end, and others are subject to the cruel winds of fate. When the moment comes, and you stand in front of Death itself, can you resist? No dream Can last Forever

// Yume is not dead yet, and neither am I. Love you, love her. Figuring out myself, and I will make it work. I just need the time still. Sorry.

“Why do you refuse to speak to me? Your hand is alluring, but I only ask to hear your voice. We both know what it is that you desire, and you cannot do me the courtesy of responding. You still do not care, do you? Mother loves me, and you… you never could. Lady Sariel…”

“You tore me to pieces. You watched on as the construction of my innards were on the verge of being ripped from their vessel. Yet you still held yourself in grace. Your touch was an aspect I appreciated during my service to you. Can I fall into your arms again, Lady Sariel…?”

“All it takes is one moment of weakness. One second of indecision, or misinformed choice… and then it is all over. I have stated that only Mother gets to choose my end. I want this to be true, but it still requires me to fight. Lady Sariel's embrace is… still graceful…”

// Love you all still. Back soon. Promise. I love her more than ever.