I barely use this anymore because I’m in a telegram group (you don’t want to join it’s toxic and mean but that’s what I need right now). I’m 106.8 again because I’m a fat failure who can’t seem to lose weight or stop eating.

106.8 this morning. I was 108 yesterday because I was constipated so thank god that sorted itself out today with some coffee. I drank two large glasses of V8 with a serving of MiraLAX in each PLUS an Activia yogurt drink PLUS some kimchi yesterday and NOTHING. MiraLAX just doesn’t work for me.

105.6 today. Losing has been so hard lately even though I’m only eating once a day at dinner. Today is my day off so it’s gonna be even harder because my mom and my bf are both gonna want to go out to eat. Wish me luck.

I am getting so fat. I’m 107 this morning despite trying to restrict and omading it. Send help.

I’m starving but I’m 105.8 so I need to lose at least another lb. Been up since 7:30am and it’s 2pm and I haven’t eaten. Won’t eat until I see my bf and I’m gonna restrict even then.

Please follow my backup in case I get nuked again bsky.app/profile/itsy...

Guess I’ll never know what they were gonna tell me coz it won’t let me open the message…

Another one of my internet friends from ED MySpace (yes I’m THAT old) passed away. We think overdose but no one had been able to get ahold of her in two years. We suspected she relapsed and went off grid.

Okay I guess I can forgive myself for not losing weight because I got my period yesterday. Hopefully once it’s over I can lose this two lbs and go back to maintaining.

I’m never on here anymore but I purged today. My mom made another comment about how much dinner I ate (my one meal of the day) so I purged most of it. I’m still hungry but I won’t eat anymore. She triggers me so bad.

Free toe pics lol

Staying with my boyfriend all weekend which means eating and no scale. Yesterday I only ate once but it was a big plate of pasta at this fancy movie theatre we go to. Btw Fantastic Four was amazing.

Ootd

My work wife was called fat yesterday by one of the nurses. I said that was rude and the nurse said “well she is” so casually. Like idk what kind of cultural difference we have going on here but these ladies are wild.

I haven’t been as active because I like being in ED spaces when I’m fasting but I have no time in the morning or afternoon to be on here because I go to work at 7am. I eat pretty much right when I get home and that’s my omotd. I feel bad coming on here after eating.

Working mornings means I can’t weigh myself completely empty because I don’t poop till I get to work. Tomorrow I’ll get to do it coz it’s my day off so we’ll see the damage.

104.8 on my day off. Usually I eat on my days off but I might try to restrict again today. I’ll be with my boyfriend later and he wants to go out to eat which will be a problem…

Sorry I’ve been absent. I started working mornings so my schedule has been out of wack.

103.8 today

104.6lbs

Oh my god so I was getting water and my dad says to me “so you’re thin…” I panic of course thinking he knows I’ve relapsed and just reply with “yes…?”. I’m about to shit a brick when he finally replies with “go through that narrow slot in the garage and see if the cats okay” 😅

I purged again…

It’s a good thing I have a lot of hair because it’s for sure falling out…

I’ve eaten food today but I’m on my 3rd beer after a Moscow mule earlier. Hopefully I just pee it out.

Dinner from Jack n the Box. Uber eats says it’s 290 calories but Google says 380. Either way it was delicious.

Lunch. Didn’t finish the carrots and just ate a normal amount of of Kimchi.

I didn’t purge today even though I wanted to.

Please follow my backup! bsky.app/profile/itsy...

Back in 2016 when I was a very thin escort.

My parents also never saw the track marks and bruises all over my arm when I was shooting up heroin. Irl how because my arm was yellow.

I also remember when I was told to go to ED outpatient as a teen my dads sat with me in the waiting room and when we left he said “oh you’re not like THOSE girls” and didn’t make me go. This only motivated me to starve more. He meant well.

I remember when my parents found out I had an ED as a teen my dad’s solution was to buy these protein bars I like. He was shocked when that didn’t cure me.

105

I purged for the 2nd day in a row. I can’t let purging become a thing I just do. I’ve never been bulimic before always anorexic. I made the mistake of eating several slices of turkey meatloaf and then weighing myself 😭

It still bugs tf out of me that my legs get labeled as self-harm when my scars are mostly from 2008

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All I’ve had today was coffee, alcohol, and a 70 calorie yogurt drink. Gonna save up so I can eat some of my mom’s meatloaf tonight and that’s it.

Watching Girl Interrupted (one of my comfort movies) and drinking my sorrows away. Let’s hope the scale is nice to me tomorrow. I need to get to 105 or lower.

I purged. I’m not even a purger but she just pissed me off. I feel like that same angry teenager taking my frustrations with the world on myself.

I’m off work sick and walked out to the kitchen to get some soup. My mother asked what I was doing so I told her and she jokingly called me a pig. Little does she know all I’ve eaten today is 300 calories of soup, some crackers, and a kiwi. Bitch…

I guess I’ll call this weekend a metab weekend.

I ate maybe 500 calories yesterday and didn’t lose any weight. I’m stuck 😭

Btw I was forced to order Taco Bell by my boyfriend. It was either that or Chipotle which would have been much worse.

Thank GOD for calories being listed on Uber Eats. Managed to only order 240 calories from Taco Bell of all places. Now I just need to not eat anything else for the rest of the night.

Had a little crash out because my vape stopped working randomly so at 10:30pm I had to drive to this vape shop Ive never been to (my usual one was closed). They didn’t even have what I needed so I had to buy a disposable one. Now I’m home in bed pissed off.

I want to go back to this but I can’t put my family through that again

I ate less than 350 calories yesterday and managed to gain .8lbs somehow. I must have been dehydrated. I was supposed to hit my goal today 😭