for the record, women cheating on men with wonen is hot. i'm sorry if this is the first you're hearing about it.

tofu is a better food than meat. i’m not a vegan I just feel like eating meat is a kind of work. every time I get the option to replace meat with tofu in a dish, i feel a little bit of relief.

i think we’ve got a leucistic house finch! @bird-nerdco.bsky.social ??

i can’t believe we’re over ten years into trump times, almost six years into an ongoing pandemic, two years into an outright genocide, and almost one year into having our own gestapo, and doctors offices are still like “how many times per week do you feel scared that something bad is gonna happen”

i get so emotional about the hummingbirds flying south for the winter. like how can you be so little and so brave? aren’t you scared? or is it just me? do you ever think about the long journey you’re on, or do you just… fly south until the next flower, and then the next one, and the next?

i hate Right Now because the corpos seem to have realized both that (1) they suck at making ads that we don’t recognize as ads and (2) they can actually just let regular desperate people on the internet cleverly make and camouflage the ads for them, in exchange for embarrassingly small amounts of $.

i saw what i thought was a cute comic about a young lady’s relationship with her big brother and how he changed over time but it was actually an ad for wacom tablets and now i am just sitting outside in the cold cussing at squirrels and maybe i will just do this all day and then also forever

Nothing will make you more unhinged faster than listening to people tell you who they are and what their values are, taking them seriously, and then seeing how much what they actually do is actively diametrically opposed to their espoused beliefs.

“uwu i was in a vewy dawk pwace when i made those comments” is catnip for white people who really want to see themselves reflected in it. like oh he used to shitpost racist things but he wasn’t really a RACIST, he was just in a really bad place with bad people, whomst among us, etc etc etc

something that fills me with genuine existential terror is the way the most basic shit (like getting up and looking out the fucking window when you hear a sound, or even just ignoring the sound) is beyond the realm of imagination for people who bought a machine to do the thing for them 24/7

When you are pure of heart no amount of earnestness is Cringe. When you are a malevolent little freak no amount of sarcasm is enough to make you cool

Yeah! If you sell stuff, and you send me an email that says “Your order has shipped!” when all you have actually done is create a shipping label, you have lied to me. Texting “Omw!” before you get into the shower is a lie! “Your order has shipped!” when it hasn’t gone anywhere is also a lie!

it is my pleasure to report they are indeed mad as fuck on the other site over being blocked and ignored. keep up the excellent work everyone

You're writing this down right? Good. As I was saying my car sucked so bad my wife left me. Yes I can spell my name for you.

can’t wait for establishment dems to notice this and be like “you guys have to vote for us so we can make sure the dudes who snatch you and your kids and neighbors off the street are actually super fit and masc and not at all afraid to show their faces”

the song on the loading screen of animal crossing new horizons is the same as the song on the loading screen of far cry 5

SOGGY HOUSE FINCH ALERT 🚨 little soggy man. 🚨 little soggy man in hims puffy little coat. 🚨 send help. not equipped to deal with this level of cuteness.

this squares perfectly with most of my experiences with white male philosophy majors, tbh. take a gazillion dollars worth of classes just to find increasingly esoteric ways to justify doing whatever the fuck they want to other people - or at least intellectualizing/detaching from consequences.

After last night, I feel like I should get a better press helmet (been using a bike helmet). I hate to be that guy, but if you can, please consider donating through my Venmo below. Even $10 makes a big difference. You can even look at my Warren Buffet meme in my profile pic.

somebody: like can’t we just take care of everybody why does everything have to be about money when literally all we really have is each other somebody else, clearly being sarcastic but it’s actually so fucking annoying at this point!: no lol we need value for the shareholders actually

if i read the Parable books am I gonna come away from it like “wow that was an amazing story and i feel like my brain and soul have expanded” or am i just gonna be like “yeeeeep. octavia butler sure knew exactly what was up. i suddenly wanna go jump off something tall!”?

fall is a shitty season and im tired of everybody sucking its dick all the time. the air is too dry, all the plants i like are dying, it’s too cold for short sleeves and too warm for a hoodie. my best friend loved all this dumb fall bullshit, but he’s dead. so like, fuck you, i guess.

big pharma hates this one simple trick*! *using an xacto knife to open a ubrelvy packet because “fold at notch and tear” has never ever worked not even one single time

i’m reading this novel from 18-what-the-fuck ever called “against nature”. it’s about a guy who does what a lot of you shitasses always talk about wanting to do (deciding everyone but him is stupid and horrible/arranging his life so he never has to interact w/ anyone, ever). he bedazzles a tortoise.

sort of excited about this because think about it; when was the last time you were truly awestruck by how bad something sucked? the ambient suck levels of everything are so high that I haven’t been impressed by suckitude since at least 2022. i wanna be reminded that we haven’t hit the bottom yet!

the purpose of this article is to introduce to you the notion that a group of disabled people is “part of the problem”, and that the problem would easily improve if that group of people went without. i know that sounds wild if you’re nondisabled, but listen: why else write *this*, and in *this way*?

imo if you choose to use slurs to talk about how much you hate AI, when there are literally COUNTLESS ways you could talk about hating AI without conjuring up harm done to marginalized people, you are racist. like you don’t even know how to hate something without using the framework of racism?!

i hated it. i’m devastated. half the book was people making up a wild story based on minimal facts. second half was a lady being like “actually you guys were right”. nothing happened. they never even went inside any of the houses. the only actions were ppl eating and riding public transit.

these characters literally only have TWO FACTS (cops have been finding bodies nearby, these floor plans are spooky) and the whole story so far is just them making shit up based on those two (2) facts which are the only facts that they actually know. i was disappointed and now im just kinda hurt!

i hurried through the last few chapters of A Wizard of Earthsea because i was so hyped about Strange Houses and now i wish I’d just stayed in Iffish with Vetch and Ged

i’m like 1/3 of the way through Strange Houses and i don’t get what the fuss is about! the characters feel like train cars on a railroad track and “these are MURDER HOUSES! DUN DUN DUN!” gets revealed in the first couple of pages. like where do we even go from here?

i was reading a recipe for mini apple strudels bc i didn’t want to stretch out a huge piece of strudel dough, right? i’m just one bird. i’m not very big, i don’t have a big tablecloth that i’m ok with getting oil all over. i’m kind of lazy. i just want to eat apple strudel. (1/2)

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

SAME. i love “tounge” and “definately” and shitty tryhard prose and people trying to sound like someone they admire because they haven’t found their own voice yet but they’re doing it in that (now!) endearing human way. i love when somebody knows they’re kinda good but they’re doing way too much!

Twitter dynamic: You: *posts an article about a dipshit fuckhead* Mentions: *people talking to the dipshit through you* fuckface! Ass guzzling cockwiggler! Silly shit sausage son of a fuck pig!

i just learned that peach carlota exists, looked up a recipe, and the first sentence of the first recipe that came up in search was something along the lines of “my son just spent nine months in Mexico as a missionary and he sent me back this recipe” gross, Becky! i don’t want it!

the cherry crunch suet cake i gave the birds smells incredible and i am both EXTREMELY jealous of them (it smells heavenly) and not jealous of them at all (it’s suet)

🎶 yesterday, all my troubles seemed so faaaaar away / now it looks as though they’re here to stay / oh i believe in yesterdaaaaay 🎶 (i bit my tongue real hard and im upset about it)

i wish i could tell bookshop dot org how much i ADORE that they send “shipping soon!” emails instead of just printing out a shipping label and then telling me the package shipped when it liTeRAllY hAs NoT gONe AnYWhEre 👹

bought mealworms after not supplying them all summer (figured the critters didn’t need them) only to find that the crows recognize the mealworm bag from last year. hadn’t planned to feed *anyone* mealies until at least mid-november, but the corvid lobby is powerful!

love getting new nonfiction books so i can learn to use language to accurately describe and think about massive society-wide problems that are crushing my soul and will probably continue to crush people’s souls long after i’m dead regardless of what i do with this new knowledge

i hate the little circular pointing hand gesture white ladies do when they’re mad. it makes me feel like i have rabies. i think i’m just hungry rn but listen. i’m still gonna fuckin hate that smug little bitchass gesture after i eat some molten hot pasta fagioloiolo

clicky-clackin my way upstairs to squawk/whistle at my wife

unusual to see somebody hit lvl 10 and unlock mounts without unlocking *any* of the weapon or armor skill lines, but in this case i think we oughta be grateful

if you don’t do a full-body startle whenever you’re eating a taco and some of the taco filling falls out the back and lands on the plate i’m not really posting for you

these quote tweets are wild lol. people on here will let just about anybody get a rise out of them over just about anything

fuck pie crust, man. fuck pie crust forever. pie crust can suck a fat dick in hell.

is it bad if i put peanut butter on a slice of chocolate cake? like am i gonna regret this? it sounds like a great idea but also extremely sus. important details: the chocolate cake is homemade. there’s no icing on it. the peanut butter is crunchy.

katmai national park does have bear cams and they’re great but lemme tell you about the underwater salmon cam: you can watch the bears walk around in the water on their back stompies hunting for fish. they look like big beer-bellied dudes trying to find their sunglasses in the hotel pool.

i like that they changed the ai overview on bing so that it takes a little time to “type” the output. this change makes it way easier to speed-scroll past it before my eyeballs can accidentally pick up any llm garbage