One of history's more intriguing set lists

[Tonight / Radio 4 / 23:15] Another chance to hear Episode 1 of something a bit off the beaten kilter called #NoPlatformed. Radio Times called it "an experimental sitcom with more hits than misses" so... that. More or less. Contains lots of stupid jokes about time. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Missed a full stop, you dense tub...

If you listen to this week's #TheNakedWeek, we can't be *entirely* sure that you won't be sued. Or that you won't become the next Director-General of the BBC. Worth a pop either way, I reckon. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Simon Heffer has written his classical music article again.

Well, this is a lovely surprise. Next month* there will be another chance to hear a show I wrote called No-Platformed which I assumed had been consigned to audio oblivion. As I recall, it contains quite a lot of strange jokes. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m... *assuming the BBC makes it to December

Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.

When you're not sure how to spell "soup"

Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra

SECRETARY Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1. 1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER [from behind a mountain of cocaine] Has he finished his new piece? SECRETARY Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is-- 1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.

THE DAILY TELEGRAPH: Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah! ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:

Delighted to wind back the clock and slip into this week's #TheSkewer. It's like slipping into your favourite uncle. Still the best 15 minutes of noise out there by an absolute sodding mile. Listen and weep. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...

A quick PSA for anyone who might give a toss: Atlanta is currently on Prime Video. It's one of the best-written, best-acted, best-directed, funniest and oddest slabs of telly ever made.* Rub it into all your eyes and ears. *Especially Series 4.** **Especially especially the Goofy Movie episode.

Coming up on 6 months since we broadcast this beautiful show. Do check it out, and why not check out the Twilight Zone podcast too, where I was interviewed about the production process and the original Fantasy Park www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

£50 to any BBC Proms presenter with the balls to announce on-air that a performance was actually: "bang average" / "a right Horlicks from start to finish" / "no idea - went for a vape and a slash" / "the most offensive noise in the Royal Albert Hall since Oswald Mosley did a tight 10 back in 1934"

Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.

Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]

She has, and it's very, very, very, very funny (plus ça sodding change), with a final line that does to the English language what I inadvertently did to a mouthful of gnocchi while reading it.

Neil Hopper.

Are they jousting?

Journa. F***ing. Lism.

Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).

Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.

[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] 🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵

Luddite says what?

Really enjoyed the new Glyndebourne production of Rod Hull: Resurrection

Andrea Bocelli - Dublin 06/11/12 Andrea Bocelli - Belfast 08/11/12 Andrea Bocelli - Birmingham 10/11/12 Andrea Bocelli - Liverpool 11/11/12 Andrea Bocelli - London 14/11/12 Andrea Bocelli - London 15/11/12

Dear Mr Sixth-Form Careers Adviser, Who's stupid now, huh?

Concerto for 1990s Tory MP

Yep, this is a doozy of a show. Come get some damn good opera if you're anywhere near Bradford, Nottingham, Gateshead, Liverpool, Hull or London in the next few weeks. www.thetimes.com/culture/clas...

In the last episode of #TheNakedWeek we abort a funeral, discover someone under a table, figure out how to (legally) funnel all the money in the entire world into UK politics, and listen to a grown man play Twister on his own. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

If you like your radio picked weekly, there's a chunk of #FantasyPark (the documentary we* did about a music thing that extremely happened) on here ⬇️, as well as a dumb classroom ditty from #TheNakedWeek. * @anc1entmarinade.bsky.social & @jonholmes.bsky.social & me www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Yeah, because you lazy, cliché-riddled penpricks at the Guardian keep telling people it is. F*** off with your inverse snobbery. Go and print another f***ing Yotam Ottolenghi recipe that needs a £400 saucepan and 2 tonnes of Galapagos dodo garlic, but sure - *opera* is elitist.

...in which #TheNakedWeek abuses American foodstuffs, rats out a future lawbreaker and gets its money thoroughly boxed. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Dear Radio 3, your presenter has escaped again. Please come and collect him - he's blocking the entrance to Lidl.

Radio 4 - Tonight - 7.15. A documentary about a field near Cincinnati and what the flip everyone was doing there exactly almost roughly 50 years ago. From the appalling minds of @anc1entmarinade.bsky.social, @jonholmes.bsky.social, @tonychurnside.bsky.social 'n' me. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Wondering why your driver-side rear tyre just flew off and smashed through the window of Asda? #TheNakedWeek has the answer. Plus there's an exclusive preview of the UK's entry for the next Eurovision Song Contest. Douze effing points. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

...in which #TheNakedWeek learns about lords, concocts a CV, and kicks seven shades of sheep out of its next-door neighbours. 📻 www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Something noisy this way comes. Radio 4 - 19.15, Sunday 30th March. Words by me 'n' @anc1entmarinade.bsky.social 'n' @jonholmes.bsky.social, out-louded by Bob Harris (yes, *the* Bob Harris), music by literally everybody. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

At 6.30 your friendly neighbourhood team from #TheNakedWeek #BBCRadio4 will be using a housebrick to explain @reform-uk-official.bsky.social’s difficult week, some dead wood to explain civil service dead wood, and some charlie to explain the King. Tune in! www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Do have a listen to Episode 1 of so-called Series 2 of #TheNakedWeek. It's either that or talk to your spouse, and we all know how well that went last time. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Alexander Armstrong - jackoff of all trades - with this barrage balloon of plummy nonsense. If this really was the first thing you learned, that says more about you than it does about classical music, because nobody *taught* you that. You did it yourself.

This is very exciting. My first ever block on social media. Thank you for popping my online beef cherry, Buxton. I didn't feel a thing. Now stop turning your festival into a crèche and pay your musicians properly.

Pretty sure it's not fu**ing funding them properly that's killing them off but okay, Lisa. Whatever you say. Thanks for taking the time to dribble this out. I know how busy you are with all those football supporters' think-tank meetings. You're an inspiration. www.independent.co.uk/voices/lisa-...

Phenomenal work from the 1st Birmingham F***ing Lunatics Battalion (Asda Car Park Regiment). 10/10 for research. 11/10 for spelling.

"I would like to apologise for suggesting that the Naples opera chorus are all members of the mafia, and after receiving a visit from Salvatore and "Grande" Luigi before this morning's rehearsal, I am happy to retract this baseless allegation. Please. I need my arms for my job."

Oh, a "revised edition", Darren? That's cool. What have you revised? Is it the bit where you and your fellow Arts Council zealots dismembered opera companies out of sheer spite and ignorance? Or is it the bit where you grovelled and fibbed in the Guardian in order to keep your £150,000 per year job?

What's that, Lassie? English National Opera accused of using AI to make its promotional material? #oldnews