A quick reminder for anyone who is being told that the No Kings rallies were exclusively attended by people without jobs. 1. No Kings was on a Saturday 2. January 6, 2021 was a Wednesday

When Alex Jones dies, everybody needs to insist that he’s still alive and that the whole thing is just a false flag operation.

Trump: Don’t take Tylenol! Just tough it out! Also Trump: You can’t draft me because my bone spurs hurt.

Can we eliminate the term “Grammar Nazi” from the English language? Because here in America, we have actual Nazis and they never use proper grammar.

First they came for the Coberts, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Colbert. Then they came for the Kimmels, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Kimmel…

I think it’s a terrible shame that Charlie Kirk was killed before I got the chance to punch him.

I’m an atheist and have been for most of my life, but I kind of hope there’s a god. Not because I want to go to heaven; because I want Donald Trump to burn in hell.

I remember going to a diner near to where I was going to college in probably 1995 or ‘96. I was shocked to see Denis Leary’s song “Asshole” was on the jukebox. I mean, there were little kids and old ladies in there. So of course I played it. Twice.

I had always planned on being cremated when I die, but now I’m not sure. Because I think it would be really funny to hire some guess to dress up like ICE and steal my corpse during my funeral.

I had a sleep study done last night. They put electrodes all over me, mostly on my head. Some were in places that I don’t want to talk about, but I’ll point to them on this doll. I don’t understand why they had to be so deep in there. I feel so violated. I cried in the shower this morning.

With all the golf he skips work to play, Trump must really like 18 holes. But I hear he likes under 18 holes even more.

I ate a bunch of Polaroids yesterday so this morning I took a photo dump.

Fun fact about me: I have accidentally typed woukd instead of would so many times that my phone has stopped autocorrecting it.

Everytime I see a video showing a cat exhibiting “orange cat behavior,” they’re just exhibiting “cat behavior.” Sure a lot of orange cats are kind of dumb, but other cats do the same crazy shit. Stop putting orange cats up on a crazy pedestal. All cats are crazy. And I love that about them.

Social media in a nutshell: Me: “Here is a factual statement.” Stranger: “This is why your factual statement is wrong, and also why you’re a cuck.”

*waking up from a coma I entered a week after the Challenger space shuttle exploded* Nurse: Welcome back! Me: What does NASA stand for? Nurse: … Me: Needs Another Seven Astronauts *immediately flatlines and dies*

Donald Trump was convicted of 34 felonies and his punishment was getting to cut essential services to the most vulnerable Americans in order to enrich himself.

Today, Mar 10 is Mario Day. December 4 is Luigi Day.

How much of a snowflake do you have to be to get offended by colors?

I think the recent measles outbreak is just a viral campaign for vaccinations.

It’s fascinating how the “Nigerian prince asking for money” scam has evolved into a “South African oligarch controlling the treasury” scam.

The Gulf of Mexico sounds like an idyllic tropical vacation spot. The Guif of America sounds like a superfund site where the fish have guns.

I wish I was an NFL groundskeeper so I could write FUCK TRUMP on the field.

I haven’t watched the superbowl in over 10 years. AMA

Give a homeless man a dollar and he will be able to eat something. Give a homeless man a billion dollars and he will support Donald Trump because he worked HARD to become a billionaire and he doesn’t want the government using his money to fund social program that help the less fortunate.

By calling me a loser, Socrates has proved he lost our debate.

The vibe in science rn 🧪

Now that TikTok is gone, I’d like to thank all the people who inexplicably followed me despite the fact that I never posted anything on there. Not only did I not post anything, I signed up, followed a bunch of people, and immediately became frustrated.

My ex-girlfriend used to get irrationally angry and become emotionally abusive immediately afterward. On the rare occasions this happened outside of our apartment (she was crazy, but sane enough that she didn’t want everyone to know), I referred to it as PDA; public displays of affliction.

Police in Pennsylvania have apprehended a man with a gun, a silencer, and a fake ID at a McDonald’s. They believe this man is the UHC shooter. #PoorMcLovin

I like dogs, but if I have to choose between saving my best friend’s dog and a feral cat that definitely doesn’t want to be touched? That dog is fucked, and I’m getting the shit scratched out of me.

So Bluesky is only 18 days old?

Aw yeah, guess who finally remembered his password?

Trump recently claimed that the #PeeTape was a hoax because he’s a germaphobe. He must not be a virusphobe because he consistently refused to wear a mask during a global pandemic, including when he had COVID and made the secret service drive him around the hospital to wave to supporters.

I’m making out my will, and requesting that when I die that my body be butchered and fed to jungle cats (preferably wild, but I’d accept ones in captivity). If that isn’t possible, I’d like to be cremated and my ashes to be thrown in the garbage.

Straight from my brain, here’s the band name of the day: Habanero-Infused Bull’s Penis If you would like to use this band name, comment “dibs” on this post and it’s yours, free of charge.

A summary of my Blue Sky experience so far. I followed a bunch of people I know. One of them followed me back. A ton of random accounts followed me in my first 24 hours They all unfollowed me, probably because I didn’t follow them back. More like antisocial media amirite?

Busting into Blue Sky like