coughing baby clears if he has prep time

Day 15,188 of waiting for aliens to abduct my ass for being good at videogames

losing my religion

Happy being smug about never upgrading from IRC and phpBB day to those who celebrate

Macbeth: FUCK

I'm no expert on superbowl ads that precede a bubble collapse but I'm picking up vibes

This the season.

Kid looks fake

Dreamed ppl kept looking at me funny or giggling while I walked past until I got home and looked in the mirror and there was text hovering over my head that said Lord Fagula cus someone had name tagged me like a Minecraft mob

guess it's time to blow the jpg artifact dust off of this one

"Get in boner, we're going boning."

Context:

Titled something like "Defeat" or "The Futility of Desire" or some shit

oops

Left picking up after an absolute rager of a wake. Forgot what the dwarven side of the family is like. On the plus side I've found enough leftover booze and drugs to stuff at least one of the smuggling holds, which I'll be keeping as a cleaning fee.

it feels weird that star treks is final fantasy 8 now

I'm fine.

When multiple family members die in the same week and you inherit all the firearms because you're the "responsible one"

I'd like to be doing some JSRF shit right now but my knees are basically dust from doing JSRF shit twenty-five years ago.

Historians are all "well, a lot of this was probably exaggeration written by political enemies" while people actually living through the fall of empires are like "nah fam, appointing a horse to the senate wasn't even the most fucked up thing that dipshit did just this week."

Who let the annoying ass eight year old into the Commodore 64 chat room Weirdly, this digivolved into America OnLine in 1989

Watching someone play Hytale and their spawn has a railroad and an iron mine right there. They're like "oh, they give you a starter chest?" No, they do not. You are just God's favorite idiot. My doors opened up on a pile of rocks and a fucking bear.

Everybody: Let's make a world where nothing sucks for anyone ever. Because of spores or a big computer or whatever. *Enterprise shows up* Everybody: Well, fuck.

Talk to the nieces and nephews without sounding like the preamble to a boss fight challenge: Impossible

We need more girls in STEM if we're going to defeat the Bacterian Empire

Whole damn family in one place and got their laundry mixed up. Nieces arguing about whose hot pink pirate flag booty shorts are these. *Plucks them off the pile* "Those are mine." :o :o

Waking up and frantically googling some shit at five AM "Wtf are you doing?" "I have to know if the bee girl is alright" "From the blind melon video?" "yeah..." "Oh. How is she?" "she's fine, she's like forty and works in a fertility clinic" "Oh good." Zzzzzzz

I MUST FIND A MORE SUITABLE HOST BODY

Today seems like a good day to wander out into the desert and smoke an absolute shitload of hash. I mean, every day is but today is too.

¬_¬

A whole lot of window licking dipshits:

quick strangle 2026 while it's still small and helpless

Fuck all this we're doing deresolutions now.

Dude out of the blue that just froze at the sight of me, took out a flip phone and started snapping pictures while screaming "YOU'RE A FELONY! YOU'RE A FELONY!" Just a guy with brain problems having a day, but memorable. Friends still call me a felony after that cus he weren't wrong.

this fuckin slaps youtu.be/kVYgvrvL4k8

remember the reason for the season

Not to put to fine a point on it but I hate this fucking holiday. I hate how obligatory it is, how it preys on you if you want to give, hate that it turns care into something mean and small. Buy and burn and squeeze and fuck you if you can't. It profanes something that should be good and kind.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a *pops fangs and tries to kill you*

Always down to rob a clown.

I always pictured this being sung by some kind of gross, venial little homunculus so it's nice to see that validated. Pops into my head every time the corgi runs off to eat cow shit or something.

Relevant

The campaign continues. Chester (a Juggalo wizard wielding a an exhaust pipe and catalytic converter as a staff/cudgel) is collecting wood to do arson.

Thought I felt a chill like someone walked over my grave and sure enough

How I first read this while skimming past

"Is Die Hard a Chr..." Shut The Fuck You. Motherfuckin ALIEN is a Christmas movie if you want it to be. Also, hot dogs are tacos and you can put whatever the fuck you want on pizza. Go outside and grow a fuckin personality.

I've got the kind of pavlovian response to the fitgirl repack installer music usually reserved for console startup sounds