Dude out of the blue that just froze at the sight of me, took out a flip phone and started snapping pictures while screaming "YOU'RE A FELONY! YOU'RE A FELONY!" Just a guy with brain problems having a day, but memorable. Friends still call me a felony after that cus he weren't wrong.

this fuckin slaps youtu.be/kVYgvrvL4k8

remember the reason for the season

Not to put to fine a point on it but I hate this fucking holiday. I hate how obligatory it is, how it preys on you if you want to give, hate that it turns care into something mean and small. Buy and burn and squeeze and fuck you if you can't. It profanes something that should be good and kind.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a *pops fangs and tries to kill you*

Always down to rob a clown.

I always pictured this being sung by some kind of gross, venial little homunculus so it's nice to see that validated. Pops into my head every time the corgi runs off to eat cow shit or something.

Relevant

The campaign continues. Chester (a Juggalo wizard wielding a an exhaust pipe and catalytic converter as a staff/cudgel) is collecting wood to do arson.

Thought I felt a chill like someone walked over my grave and sure enough

How I first read this while skimming past

"Is Die Hard a Chr..." Shut The Fuck You. Motherfuckin ALIEN is a Christmas movie if you want it to be. Also, hot dogs are tacos and you can put whatever the fuck you want on pizza. Go outside and grow a fuckin personality.

I've got the kind of pavlovian response to the fitgirl repack installer music usually reserved for console startup sounds

"Oh hell why do you have to go out to poop all the damn time. I'm sorry, that was rude. Everybody poops. ... Actually, that was just a lie to make you feel better. Nobody poops but you. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's weird."

Dismayed to find myself animorphing into exactly the sort of cranky old hermit fuck Heinlein would probably think is really cool.

That time John Ritter well actually'd James Earl Jones to death

Never say I've done nothing for culture.

Come on mate. You're smarter than this.

Held the door for a guy at the gas station and he was like "THANKS BROTHER!" in the best Macho Man voice and it wasn't til I echoed back "YOU'RE WELCOME BROTHER!" that I realized he was a tweaker and wasn't doing a bit. On the plus side he didn't seem to notice.

Instead of a normal need to pee dream I just had Ray Smuckles with a thought balloon over his head scrolling through themed porn names that he was making up (e.g. "Little Tinkle," "Goldie Storm," etc.) Intensely annoyed with my brain meat right now.

Last night Outer Heaven ran The Kids' Guide to The Internet and the prevailing sentiment, beyond "AAAAAA THIS SUCKS," was "holy shit the Mr. T Ate My Balls era internet was so much more usable."

Tickled stupid that nationstates.net still exists as a weird time capsule. I put this in a column like twenty years ago and the summary of the commie paradise I just made is almost word for word the same as last time.

saw the dnd map a friend is playing on and I screamed such a screm

classic

surprising fuckin nobody

Plutocrats used to build public works as part of an implicit understanding that there is a thin fucking line between your bullshit and a public execution. The dismantling of those works is acknowledgement that the compromise is null and void. Now they live in terror, divorced from the world.

Been playing old Castlevanias and assorted knockoffs for the last month and whoa boy I bet there was a whole conversation about Vampire Survivors that I'm glad I missed.

Just a tip to avoid a mistake commonly made this time of year: Holly has red berries and pointed leaves Missiletoe is silver and on the end of Mechagodzilla's feet

Science teacher friend left a knackered skelly in the cockpit without telling me. Fucker matches my mood.

Me, manifesting memories of a perfect city from aeons past: You pale shadows wouldn't understand... RPG party: Is this just San Francisco? From like, 2005?

Brought the monsters to visit for the holiday. Potato thinks Fury is is best friend.

THE END DAY

seeing a theme here

despite all my rage

Free idea: Grawlix Soup. Like alphabet soup but it's all "@#!!$?#" like you're eating a bowl of censored swears from dead Q*Berts

when it's drunk o'clock and you catch yourself singing Komm, süsser Tod at the dog except every word is dog 🎶 doggie dog dog doggie dog dog doggie dog doooog 🎶

Jesus Wept

Whenever I actually like a comedy anime I get flashbacks to Nich and Jeremy peeking through the door like the theater scene in Gremlins. All "He's watching Azumanga Daioh... And he loves it?"

Fury still just lets himself in. No fucks given about the corgi.

I think Metroid is a pretty cool guy. Eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything.

William Butler Yeats kept kicking him back down.

Suffering the belated realization that the grandad that left behind a warehouse full of weather balloons and disassembled biplanes and thousands of glass birds and piles of meticulous journals with an entry for every single day even if it was just "rained today" might have the some kind of autistic.

I miss this chat

Castlevania was kind of on the nose about how middle aged zoomers are gonna look, huh

Missed opportunity to make the box orange and put all the 3s on it.

It's a zergling, Lester. A smaller type of zerg.

BREAKING: Moral cowards steal defeat from the jaws of victory while cheered by bright eyed liars and titans of inner filth as the streets run red with the blood of the innocent. Next: sports and weather.

I have no mouth and I must kiss.