Advice: Do a bit more for your friends.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Advice: Don't wear clean trousers when walking your dog in the park.

Advice: Cars are bad investments.

Why does Han Solo like gum? It's chewy!

Advice: Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Advice: Don't waste food.

Advice: Look people in the eye.

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Advice: When you look around and don't see anyone you respect, its time to leave.

Advice: Repeat people's names when you meet them.

I was so proud when I finished the puzzle in six months, when on the side it said three to four years.

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Advice: Fail. Fail again. Fail better.

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Advice: Drink a glass of water before meals.

Advice: Remember that spiders are more afraid of you, than you are of them.

Advice: Lemon and salt works wonders on tarnished brass.

Why do choirs keep buckets handy? So they can carry their tune

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

Advice: Visitors are like fish: As much as you might like them, after three days they start to smell.

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital? The hip Doctor!

I adopted my dog from a blacksmith. As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.

Advice: Respect your elders.

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Advice: If it ain't broke don't fix it.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

I went to the store to pick up eight cans of sprite... when I got home I realized I'd only picked seven up

Advice: Your smile could make someone's day, don't forget to wear it.

Advice: Pedantry is fine, unless you're on the receiving end. And not a pedant.

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.

Advice: Always bet on black.

Advice: Don't cross the streams.

Don't tell secrets in corn fields. Too many ears around.

The urge to sing the Lion King song is just a whim away.

Advice: The best nights out are when people around you are simply having fun.

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What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

Advice: Fail. Fail again. Fail better.

Advice: Life is better when you sing about bananas.

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Advice: It's not about who likes you, it's about who you like.

Advice: You will always regret the round of Tequila.

Advice: The number of vampires in the average home, is directly proportional to the amount of garlic bread in the fridge.

You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.