My current life goal is to build a furry house that's like a little family. Stocked with board games and a lot of friendly, cuddly folks. Probably targeting New Jersey, I really hope it can happen!

Packing up my stuff is definitely giving me a lot to focus on, which is helping the depressive thoughts. I just hope the next time I open these boxes back up, I'm in a place I don't want to leave with lots of friends, almost like a family.

On the Proper Use of Couches

Just got done streaming the while time like this and no one got to see! So you all can. #tummytuesday

The Sushi-Taishi otter is back and ready to be the best consultant possible! Let's first restore a sushi shop to prominence in Sushi Ben, then finish OFF, going for the true ending. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

Just one more week until I leave Vegas... I've started packing up. Part of me wonders if it's the right choice, but considering the constant loneliness from not having company most of the time, I think it absolutely is. I just hope I can one day live somewhere I don't want to leave.

A good tell if someone's a good match to be close to me is how they handle a depressive episode from me. Not everybody can handle it, but if they can't, welp, hard to keep that going.

Coping mechanisms are a common focus of mental health treatment but are only good for short term extreme feelings, not long term constant depression. You can only "cope" your way out of so much before life continually feels not worth it. This is not what professionals should focus on.

Maybe instead of telling suicidal people how your feelings would be hurt if they died, try to provide evidence that their lives would be better if they stayed. And if you don't have that, don't bother trying to convince them otherwise.

As it turns out, talking to people online about what you need has the opposite effect as intended, where people decide they can't provide that and leave.

Early bed tonight... I'm not well. One of those days where I realize everything I want is impossible or I'm going to die before I get there. I wish it was as easy for me as other people make it look to have love and consistent company.

I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble looking out at my many other people who are having things that I could only dream of having. And I'm not included in or invited to any of it.

Maybe giving up is the right solution. It's not going to get better.

My main ways of coping with being alone are eating unhealthy food and spending lots of money on board games that I barely ever get to play. Safe to say I'd be much better off in a lot of ways with someone there.

It's not that I can't "date myself" or spend time alone, or improve myself, it's just that after 10 years of doing only that it gets really tiring and I need a change.

A mindset I'm trying to break is the need for a partner to be "perfect" and fulfill every one of my needs, with me not having to do anything different from what I normally do to fulfill theirs. In reality people are unique, complicated, and have their own needs, but I have trouble accepting that.

Pretty sure I did this a while back but uh... since everyone's doing it here it is again. Not much has changed.

Today we're going to be the star of our very own slice of life anime... about saving a sushi shop? Otter is hungry after all. Let's try Sushi Ben! twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

The idea of an otter traveling the world and building a web of friendships to one day build a thriving family residence sounds pretty badass actually. ...If only the search was actually going well.

sex is cool but have you ever dated someone who always wants to spend exactly the same amount of time as you in a museum

Thinking about this again. The amount of people that leave me because I prefer to talk to them about deep emotional stuff rather than what I'd do with them in the bedroom is... kinda sad.

So much to rub! Same with my tummy btw

The temptation to start a board game cafe is suuuuper strong. I already have the collection needed to fill it and I'd love being able to show people how to have fun in ways they never thought.

If I can't change my personality for the "better" or how people want it to, might as well double down on the parts that people find annoying and lean into them. Full confidence, just be who I am.

Anime is so good this year that somehow the Demon Slayer movie is not even the 4th best thing I watched. Takopi's Original Sin, To Be Hero X, Dr. Stone, and Dandadan have all been better, and it's weird because Demon Slayer used to be my #1.

Even if someone is overtly into me and it seems like we'll get along, possibly as partners, it's hard for me to know anything for sure until I spend a lot of time IRL with someone. To me there is a clear divide between how some people act online and in person and what happens IRL means more.

Any time a furry posts about traveling far to see someone only to get ghosted and waste time and money, I'm not even surprised. There's a huge problem in this fandom with people not being able to say "no" or even "not right now" so instead of being honest they do something worse.

Sometimes I wish I never left my job at Google, because I was consistently working 10am-3pm, had almost nothing to do, and was making a lot of money. But I know my depression wouldn't let me keep doing such a boring job at the time. I just think of how much I could afford now if I did.

I know I don't post a lot about politics here. And it is a very important topic. I mostly feel like everything I've wanted to say has already been said by others, and I prefer to focus my posting on problems that are lesser talked about but still very much affect me.

I know it takes time and is more complicated for me, but I really want a boyfriend, it's so upsetting to me that it's taken almost 10 years to find another one and some people have had their partners in life for 10 years at my age... I'm missing out on so much and it's hard to think about.

More people seem to crave physical stimulation than emotional intimacy and that's a weird thing for me to wrap my head around.

Inviting you for snugs this #tummytuesday!

Today we'll be looking at Henry Halfhead, where we only have half a muzzle but can take over all the objects! Later on we'll be purifying more spirits with our bat in OFF. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

I always expect people in singles telegram chats to be flirting, trying to advertise themselves, getting closer to others, etc, but no... every time I look in it's just some pointless small talk that goes nowhere.

I feel like people have crazy high expectations of me compared to anyone else. I always hear people say "no one is judging you the way you judge yourself", and no... they're judging me worse than I judge myself.

Thinking about setting up regular times for online board games that I'd be available every week, they'd be run in my discord server most likely. Anyone interested in that?

I hope people don't get mad at me for not responding to things when I'm actually out doing stuff with friends. It's a rarity for me to actually have something consistent like that to focus on, so I want to be in the moment for it when I have it. Plus I still respond faster than a lot of people.

Going to have a relaxing start to the stream doing something I almost never do in real life with Cozy Organizer. Later on we'll be finishing Heroes of the Seven Islands, then bringing some of the Vegas magic here with Coin Pusher Casino. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

It was hard to get up early last week, but I had a lot more fun streaming so that made up for it. Let's keep it going! Every stream this week is a mixture of some brand new releases, and finishing up some things I started weeks earlier.

I think in order to love again I need to find a new definition of love. Nothing will ever feel the same as the first (and only) time it happened, but I'm still chasing that feeling. What I need to do is focus on creating something entirely new.

Early on I always achieved any goal I set out to do, being the best in my class, dream job at Google, best trumpet player, etc. I still feel like I have the ambition to achieve my goals, but the goal of establishing a loving community feels harder than ever before, maybe since it relies on others?

Want to become a variety of critters? Why not just be paper and fold into them! That's exactly what we'll be doing today as we try Hirogami. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

So many people break a crucial rule of game night: if you introduce a game you need to have studied the rules beforehand. Aaaand that's how games run twice as long as they should.

I welcome more people to flirt with me btw. Bonus points if you treat me like a real otter, tease me in cuddly ways, call me small, leash me, etc.

I'd be okay if I never had sex the rest of my life, but I wouldn't be okay without romance. Or cuddles.

Today we're doing something I've always thought about doing - starting up a food truck! This time we'll be foraging for fruits and serving them to critters in Fruitbus. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

Sometimes I think life would be lowkey easier if I just always said the first thing on my mind instead of being scared of people's reactions.

Most of my life I spend sitting at my desk alone and I'd rather be out with friends all that time... or pressed against someone in a bed. It's hard to see this kind of life as worth it.

Happy #tummytuesday! Here's some pics I took over the last week (some with a bit more than tummy).

New time, I got myself up early to do some... block pushing? Oh no. Let's give the brain a workout early in the morning with Sokobos 2! And later on we'll be continuing OFF. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive