Mental health report: I'm eating increasingly elaborate sheet-pan s'mores for lunch every day, that's probably good, right?

I have a completely unhinged "book marketing professional" emailing me daily about how Amazon is doing my YA romantasy novel a grave disservice in rankings, but she and her book club can fix it for a thousand dollars. Like I don't even know where to start

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Looked it up. Bought the book. Lemme save you a step: bookshop.org/p/books/chic...

Oooh, good game, but I'm die hard bottom right corner forever

My pal Carla Bruni wrote this book and it's a lovely, vernacular guide to the lovely, vernacular architecture of America's loveliest and most vernacular city.

It's drop-dead beautiful here in Allentown PA and I'm at a strip mall where every third store is an Asian / South Asian food shop and every fifth store is a pizza joint. The cheerleaders sitting next to me have SO MUCH GOOD GOSS and ordered a poke bowl and two slices of pepperoni pizza.

Hi, crisis counseling center? ... No, I know, but I promise this is a real crisis. ... Yes, I'm in a real bind here and I need some help. ... The thing is, I really like The Lowdown, but I still hate Ethan Hawke. Like, everything about the show is good and smart and funny except him ... Hello?

oh right, the rapture. how'd that go?

man, doesn't take too many open-faced sandwiches to see why they invented the real sandwich

Ugh Kimmel's back I guess, is there no winning anything these days

In possibly related news, tomorrow I have an appointment with a business hypnotist. I have no idea if she intends to business hypnotize me, however.

Dudes keep throwing garbage in my sinkhole

My home assessor, to me: "So is your cat going to try to get into every picture I take?"

People, I did my first hot sauce podcast with a very sweet man named Matt and I want you all to listen to it because I like him so much but also, if you have questions about my seemingly sudden interest in hot sauce they are all answered here.

One of the bartenders at my hot sauce workshop space started " putting in some effort" recently, and I didn't want her to be the only hot lady in attendance, so today I wore a mini skirt and tights as well as my standard issue clogs and, what do you know, absolutely douched it on my way to the car.

Do I have any mortgage experts in my feed (slim chance I know) that can talk me through a calculation question?

local bank personage definitely misusing the encrypted email system designed for mortgage docs to ask about hot sauce, obviously I love this

so much dialogue about what the dialogue should be, or rather what the dialogue should not be, although most of it seems to be coming from the same source, so here we are in a supposed democracy reading monologues about keeping silent

Devastated to discover my backsplash on the list of "five backsplashes to avoid by an interior designer" that Google keeps slipping into my news feed.

Not sure what kind of economic indicator this is, but it looks like gun shops around here are closing their doors. And by "around here" I mean one of the places most likely to kick off the MAGA civil war.

I got a board of advisors and a lit agent and the former doesn't want to hear anything about the latter but the latter is *fascinated* by the former. It is making for a very good time, I must say

Please please please accidentally have booked this event for Oval Office Supplies, Inc. or similar

Walking along the 26 mile hiking path, where motor vehicles are seriously prohibited, I spot guy racing toward me on a motorbike and I panic a little because there is also a tractor barreling down behind me.

Gawd, aren't friends just the greatest?!?

I definitely exclaimed today to a woman walking toward me, "oh, is that your puppy?" in a weird little excited voice, even though she was carrying a human baby.

Big business day today. I wore a business outfit and said business things and conducted many business. I'm a successful person with many cheeses in many locations.

I'm reading ALL FOURS and liking it, although at a critical remove. I'm a little bored by July's tricks but still enjoy the end result, and I like the turn to middle-age-lady stuff but not convinced that her observations apply generally. THAT BEING SAID

I'm panicking about the end of summer so running a sale on the tingly sauce that's like a mermaid party for your mouth. Click the link below and use coupon code MERMAIDPARTY at checkout if you want.

Yes see this makes a lot more sense to me

I am open to hearing how everyone leaving the CDC rn is a net positive, public-health wise, but I will add that I am likely to need a lot of convincing

I *wish* adults when I was growing up had made slightly more clear to me that getting older in America was a frog-in-ever-hotter-water scenario.

The Minneapolis school shooting this morning was at a rival high school to the one I went to. I remember when the first metal detectors were installed at the entrances to the first high schools in the Twin Cities in the 1980s, and it was gutting. But we were assured that the extra surveillance

I have many many thoughts about recent news events that I am sorry to report will be sent only to the group chat.

While I was teaching How to Make This Very Zine today, a pingback came through on my website linked to the syllabus of a man who is not me, but also teaching this same text this week.

Sadly, my new agent informs me, there is a LOT more to novel-writing than this. :(((

Got the "new agent" part of novel-writing done, officially!

New Kayla Rae Whitaker in 2026, in case you need a reason to stay alive

❤️❤️❤️

I must agree (as a fellow blurber). Reimagining illness and vitality is hard work, and Margeaux's does a lot of it for you right here.

Took home one of these tonight, plus placed in two other categories and had a hot sauce so beloved in the People's Choice category that everyone who voted assumed it won even though it didn't.

I have to tell you guys about my new best friend. She was driving a white Ford Ranger at the dump, so what am I going to do, not talk to her for 20 minutes about the amazing turning radius of Ford Rangers? I'm not stupid guys.

Meet Alice Sea Sparkle Tiger (not mine). Weighs two pounds soaking weight, delivers excellent kisses, poops wherever the hell she wants. Dog or Muppet? Unclear

I just remembered that the popo, in seeking to explain why they couldn't do anything about the man who claimed to own my house and had previously threatened to rape me, opined to me at one point that this man was being "so extra."

Looks like I'm going to AWP in the spring for, ahem, the first time. I can probably add one more panel before my capacity for staying both upright and verbal is surpassed, so let me know if you need someone to fill out your panel. I promise to dress more or less appropriately.

Uh-oh, I was supposed to get a whole bunch of work done today but a friend needs help naming her new puppy

I took a survey today that asked how often in the last week I had taken a bath, purchased a new snake, and shopped for non-food items. Then it went on to ask me in a variety of different ways why I hated AI so much.

I *have* to start ignoring the part of my brain that tells me it's time to take a gummy and prepare for bed. It's four. I still have meetings today.

I've had a Samsung Galaxy phone for like 5 years that works great but the first week I had it, the *day* I applied to screen protector, I dropped it and cracked the screen into like 8 large pieces. Well fast forward to yesterday

I love the pizzagate nod to the Ongoing Bean Conspiracy Hoax and wish all involved the best of luck in dismantling dumb trafficking stories forever. "(Anish) Kapoor, the British sculptor who crafted the artwork, 'stole a baby and put that baby inside of The Bean' in 2004."