Some people claim microwaves are harmful, so I tried macrowaving my soup. It sloshed everywhere.

Have you heard about the insect that sells t-shirts at every concert? It is a travelling merch ant.

Enjoying some nice Oolong tea right now. You gotta be careful to only steep it for a minute or less. Any longer, and it is Toolong.

The baking aisle is too complicated for me. There is 'all-purpose/'plain', 'high gluten'/'strong', 'wholemeal' and the naming is so confusing. It would be much more straightforward without the floury language. Fun-fact: I found out that flour naming conventions differ by country A LOT: w.wiki/FQFs

Cuneiform is an ancient writing system using wedge-shaped impressions, like these: 𒂠𒀭 𒋠𒀭𒋀 𒋀𒊠𒀀𒋠𒊀𒇠𒀀𒋀𒄀 That makes those who study it cuneilinguists. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuneiform

Shout out to baked potatoes with rosemary. I think they're a thyme-less classic.

The bee says it likes all its relatives equally, but the bee's favourite is its sister's daughter. That girl is the bee's niece.

Today I was called a cutie, but it is all an act; a mere character I am playing out of boredom. I am a char cutie, bored. Sorry for the ham-fisted pun, I know it is cheesy. I should stop before the puns turn sour, dough.

Attention chess beginners, be careful with those tower-looking pieces. Try to avoid making rook-ie mistakes.

If you make friends at Alcoholics Anonymous, are they your rehabibis?

Arnold said "I'll be back", but do an apprenticeship at a German bakery and you'll be Bäcker.

If I need a gasket for a French water pipe, do I ask the shop for an eaux-ring?

Did you see the musical based on 'Mars Attacks!' (1996)? It's a bit weird at first, but grows on you. It's an ack-choired taste.

I heard that in some monarchies, the throne always went to the most mature and careful child. It was called 'heiring on the side of caution'.

Be careful with police in hospitals, they might put you under cardiac arrest. And then you might go to cardiac prison, and maybe find love, but we will all know how it ends. There are lots of broken hearts in cardiac prison.

I received strongly mixed feedback on my new sunglasses. They are polarizing glasses.

The most disgusting ingredient in my kitchen must be starch. It is truly thickening.

No weekend is complete without some nice scrambled eggs with cheese. It is vegan cheese though, so I believe I may only call it an Omelette du Homage.

Today's cooking was a big W That is to say, it got a double eww.

Did you know there was a famously depressing bard group with the hit songs 'Landing in Llundain' and 'Kryptonite'? They were called Tudor's Down.

When introducing myself I always mention my metal stamp collection. It makes a good impression.

If I sold prostheteses for docked boxers, would I be a retailer?

Are prisons on Creta made of con-cretes?

I thought choosing new feathers for my pillow would cheer me up, but it just has me feeling down.

In an ironic twist of gardening nomenclature, a Ha-Ha requires a depression. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ha-ha

A satisfying realization I had just now: If you take the opposite of every word in the phrase 'up to no good' you get 'down for everything bad' which basically describes the same thing.

"Kannst du die Kabeltrommel wieder aufwickeln wenn du fertig bist?" "Leider nein, ich bin ein reiner Entwickler."

If this account was a wall socket, I would want it to be the Shakespeare of wall sockets. It is supposed to be a creative outlet.

The Star Wars movies are like an onion - they have Leias.

I used to have a favourite tailor, but they cut ties so I no longer go there.

I just learned that the fear of balls is called sfairesphobia. I do not get scared easily, but that one I wholeheartedly understand. After all, there is nothing to fear but sphere itself.

I meant to start this account with an icebreaker, but I think most people just aren't that much into arctic shipping.