What’s there left to test, they definitely make a giant boom

A thing I believe wholeheartedly is they didn’t need to put that dog in space

Nothing like a family wedding

On parts of LinkedIn you’ve only dreamed about

Vaxxed?

submitting my taxes on april fools day so they understand its just a joke and they dont get mad

I got laid off today, with the rest of 18F. 18F was an elite federal software shop. We made gov't websites work better, more efficiently for the American people. We saved taxpayers from getting screwed over by contractors. And were fired for it. We made this website to tell our story: 18f.org

this person said it so good so here it is

Kids these days don’t even scrobble. All they know is scroll

Travis Kelce’s brother was invented in a lab so they could be in twice as many commercials

Doopi is live: chillen

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Nickelodeon green slimes jack black and everyone cheers but when I shoot out my monstrous blood like a firehose onto the audience it’s suddenly a fucking problem

Most realistic part of the Substance 2024 is spewing green gatorade the second anything goes wrong

There is a tie and pin for pilots who have had to eject from their aircraft and I need to steal this valor. I need the “plane oopsie” tie

After the grinch we should’ve exiled Jim Carrey like we did Napoleon after the battle of Waterloo

When your family forgets about Jacob Marley when trying to count the ghosts in a Christmas Carol

Luigi Mangione? The film director?

Fish can't look up. But I could dig my talons into a fish one night and raise it into the sky and tilt this fish ever so roughly. I can make sure this fish eyes line up with the stars. Imagine seeing the stars 4the first time.I want 2b treated that savagely and see the stars for the first time.

Listen thanksgiving should just be a normal meal

Goku float 🥲

Defying gravi-skeet

Pod skeet america

The trick is to keep the lights off an overcast day. Haunt your own apartment. Make another cup only to have something warm in your hands. There are only so many hours in a week to accomplish this.

Hopefully made this a slightly nicer place. Or at least I had fun making a Bluesky bot for a couple of hours

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Googling the results of the Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight? Here’s a little trick: Stop typing after “Paul ty” and learn about this lil guy

~I’m like a bird I have hollow bones I only have a cloaca Only have a cloaca~

I…worked on this story for a year…and…he just…he skeeted it out.

Should’ve written some bangers here when I first made the account so y’all would’ve felt more at home finally joining