Fear had spread throughout Hogwarts. A new student was arriving today, a fierce, sullen boy named Graham Terrorist. He furiously insists that female whales are dolphins, and nobody dares disagree. "I've lost everything.. Just because I speak the truth that all cats are girls and all dogs are boys."

Neville was drearily stumbling across the dormatory, passionlessly smashing furniture. "Hey" said Ron, "I know you're upset, but it's okay to have your own opinion, you know?". Neville stood dead in his tracks. "Ron.." he whispered, "It's just fucked... Meet Dave 20% score... It's a perfect movie."

Not much was on the students minds recently other than Harry and Draco's constantly escalating feud. Today, Harry said that Draco has "hitler youth vibes", while Draco claimed that Harry has "big weird eyes like a pedo". The general consensus is that it would be a good thing if they both died.

"I don't think we should go to Hogwarts any more" muttered Ron. "I don't want to see Harry ever again. He's the worst person to possibly exist.".

Harry Potter died today.

harry potter is the worst thing to possibly exist

"I'm sorry for making my gijinka of Knuckles the Echidna white. I think there were a lot of cultural cues that I didn't pick up on due to my upbringing." - J.K. Rowling

"You need to check out B.A.P.S., Halle Berry and Martin Landau are incredible in it. Best movie ever!" said Neville. "Yeah, I'll check it out soon." replied Ron, who had been reccomended this movie one too many times now, making the idea of watching it feel like a tiresome chore.

Harry clutched his arm as an intense pain surged across his body. His hands tensed with such force that his fingernails shot out with a gush of sinew. Dumbledore chuckled, showing his hands and revealing his prosthetic fingertips. "Tee hee, I remember casting my first spell too!"

"Harry, we've been really worried lately..." said Ron, "Ever since you fell into that stagnant water at a place called 'Amoeba Lake' you've been acting unusual.". Harry looked indignant. "Leave me alone. I don't have a fucking parasite in me. I'd be doing all this stuff anyway.".

Harry stunned everyone as he walked into class, light glistening off his bald head. "That's right, I shaved off all my hair." said Harry. "It has nothing to do with Draco saying yesterday that I have 'Team America Puppet Hair'. I did this for a different reason than that.".

"Hey Ron, check this out!" said Harry as he demonstrated a hand gesture, "I figured out I can spell the word 'blood' with my fingers, isn't it cool?". "Harry, what are you doing? I'm sick of you." "Huh? But it's just-" "Don't play this shit with me okay? You're a mess. You'll soon die."

"Harry, you're outta here. Critics think your latest flick blowed." said Jack Warner. "Critics? What critics?" replied Harry, angrily. "It's Kevin. He's 13, a real rising star in the YouTube review space, He's got over 20 subscribers. Says your movies are 'gay ass'.".

harryp0tter8: Wahts that shield harryp0tter8: Its so kewl,,,, harryp0tter8: The purple seethru one. D4RTHM4UL: Its a elemental shield D4RTHM4UL: If u follow me north of varockk i can show you how to get 1

"I think they should add "Crystal" as a type in Pokemon!" said Neville. "How would that be any different to Rock??" responded Harry. "Well..." hesitated Neville, "It'd be weak to Fighting and Steel!". Harry paused for a moment. "Neville I don't think you should be alive anymore."

"I already confessed. I'm guilty! I murdered Longbottom! What do you want from me??" yelled Harry to the men that had approached him in his cell. "We know what you did, Potter. We're here to release you on one condition: that you do it again. Neville has returned as an undead."

"The cold doesn't affect me. I've always had to bundle up for warmth against the frost of the outside world." said The Penguin. "When my Ice Ray hits Gotham, you'll all feel as I do! Nwah ha!". "I think you're stepping on my toes quite a bit with this one." responded Mr. Freeze.

As Harry and Draco left the restaurant, while their conversation had never reached any kind of conclusion, both men walked away feeling heard by one another. Harry fondly looks upon the familiar places of Hogwarts, and tells his girlfriend all about his dinner with Draco.

Harry was defiant. "I don't care what you tell me to do. I'm English and I'm proud, and I won't leave! Not so you can give my dorm away to some refugee...". Eventually, everyone got tired of arguing with Harry, and Hogwarts was bug bombed with him remaining inside.

"While many regard it as being one of the worst missteps of the franchise, I think the magic instrument medallions from Underground should have become a recurring feature in the Sonic the Hedgehog series." - J.K. Rowling

"Oh my god I love your shirt dude!!" said Harry, excitedly. "Haha yeah! I love Cartman so much, he's soo funny!" responded Hermione. "Respect mah authoratehhh....haha!" "Yeah haha!" "Yeah." The conversation soon fizzled out and the two didn't speak much again.

"I've reduced the number of houses to two..." said the Sorting Hat in a kind of euphoric drawl, who recently took over Hogwarts in a violent coup that saw most of the staff exiled or killed. "Forget about what you knew before. It's just 'Antz' or 'A Bug's Life' now.".

"I'm straight, and I love to have a lot of normal heterosexual sex with my wife!" - Professor Albus Dumbledore

"I'm a true artist..." boasted Harry. "I don't care who is shocked or offended. I must stand up against 'woke'.". "Okay Harry..." muttered Ron, "But so far you've only managed to upset that woman whose missing husband you said "looked really gay" in the last CCTV footage of him seen alive.".

"You really think that every human is sentient?" scoffed Harry. "You really think that everyone experiences conciousness? We're constantly surrounded by so-called "people" who are merely husks. Wake up." Ron replied, "Harry I think you might be becoming a solipsistic fascist."

"Help! A dementor got in the bathroom window and it's got a hold of Ron!" shouted Neville from upstairs. "Oh for fuck's sake..." muttered Harry, wearing a stained England shirt as he sluggishly rose from his old autumnal floral armchair. His skin was sunburnt and pink.

"Dobby, I forbid you from seeing him anymore. He's a bad influence" said a stern Harry. "Furthermore, his loin cloth leaves little to the imagination. I've seen many glimpses of his little crazy frog thing.". Despite Harry's warning, Dobby and Gollum's romance continued to bloom.

"For fuck's sake Harry, what's with all these holes? I nearly broke my leg!" said Hermione. "S-Mines" said Harry. "I'm digging to find any that may be undetonated.". "Don't be silly" said Hermione. "Due to Hogwarts's allegiances during WW2, I doubt there'd be any here."

harryp0tter8: How do i get 2 varrok the dark wizards kill me Cartman666: If you to to the east entrance there's no wizards there. harryp0tter8: Thank u. harryp0tter8: Did u know im a wizard irl Cartman666: Hahaha cool

"If you think I'm joining your Quidditch team I'm afraid you're sniffing for the wrong truffle my friend..." said Ron. "But... We need you!" muttered a meek boy, cowering in the shadow of Ron's 8ft tall muscular body.

"Harry Potter died at the hospital today..." announced a morose Dumbledore. "He succumbed to mortal wounds inflicted on him by a praying mantis that attacked him after he cast a shrinking spell on himself.".

Mega Man X was appalled. "You want me to hunt him down and kill him? So many friends lost... when will this conflict end?!?!" Zero solemnly shook his head. "I'm sorry X... but if we don't destroy him, innocents will die. Harry Potter has gone maverick.".

"The only way to tell someone is a psychic is that their heads explode when they die. I read that on the news earlier today." said Hermione, clutching a shotgun. "Any one of you could be reading my thoughts right now, and I'm going to find out who.".

"So, anyway, the nasute caste are really cool, they defend their colony with something called a fontanellar gun..." said Neville, who had been talking about termites for 4 hours. "Fontanelle this, bitch!" said Harry, who then cast a spell wrong and turned his own skull into soup.

"Working on Hogwarts Legacy was very challenging" said one of the game's artists Nick Clegg. "I made the assets for the level where you shoot a kitten out of a cannon and see how far it goes. It might seem like mean spirited folly, but it was an integral part of the experience.".

"The new Harry Potter TV show is going to be fucking balls to the walls mental, and very Feminist." said lead writer Graham Women. "All the men act like a bunch of knobheads, and Hermione, the clueless but sensible one, must learn to navigate the workplace.".

"Voldemort, if you can't get revenge on Harry, try going after someone he's close to!", said Python Dan, Voldemort's new right hand man. "Very well..." responded Voldemort. "Hagrid's good as fucked."

When Harry returned prematurely from his gap year after "being a right dickhead at macchu picchu", he found that Hogwarts had been renamed to "Sex City". In Dumbledore's place sat a large unknown man, his sunburnt skin a neon pink, his body a grotesque heap of boils and welts.

"Hermione, I just think you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. It'll happen eventually, and you need to accept that and be prepared for the news." said Ron. "No..." responded a dejected Hermione, "He's my hero. Even if he did die, Henry Kissinger would live on in my heart.".

"It's never okay to cry. Not ever. If I see you sitting around with your wet ass eyes I'll get all my friends over and we'll beat the shit out of you" - Harry Potter

"We didn't want to alienate anyone." said Bobby Galbraith, lead programmer of Hogwarts Legacy. "The shoot-out level where you play as George W. Bush and have to defend the White House from a vicious terrorist incursion wasn't intended to be a political statement."

"Hello everyone, I'm the new student at Hogwarts", said a young man whose haggard face looked like it had borne the emotional brunt of every war in history. "My name is Graham Twitter. I'm only 13 but I've already been divorced. I have the same opinions a kind angel would have.".

Harry emerged from a thick buzzing black mass, and slammed the door behind him. "Bloody hell, what's all that?" asked Ron. "To dicipline someone, you must give them what they want so much, that they don't want it ever again. If fruit flies want to live in my room then so be it."

"I've arrived here because I want to ruin your life, Harry. I'm even worse than my brother Voldemort. You're completely fucking screwed now Harry. I'm your worst fucking nightmare."

"Sorry..." muttered the Sorting Hat. "...You won't be joining any of the four beloved Hogwarts Houses. You have been drafted."

Detective Harry "Sweet Cheeks" Potter thought he'd seen it all. The crime ridden streets of Hogwarts were like a stale cake: if there was a stripper hiding inside she'd be long dead. Rons corpse had been turned inside out and tucked back into bed. "Seems like he passed away in his sleep..."

"If the writers of Angela Anaconda had ever sat down and watched Digimon, they'd know none of that stuff happens in it. People didn't digivolve into Digimon until the poorly recieved Digimon Frontier, which came much later." - J.K. Rowling

A new student was joining Hogwarts today: a sweet little angel boy named Robert Galbraith. He'd never done anything wrong his entire life, his puffy cherubic cheeks a delightful rosy pink. He's very excited to meet another human being for the first ever time.

"Harry, is this world of magic and sorcery not enough for you? Why are you so insistant on finding the digital world?" asked Dobby. Harry was mad. "Dobbymon, which is what I'll addressing you as henceforth, you can either start digivolving or start shutting the hell up. You tit"

Neville has been missing for a month now. Harry's search history includes such terms as "how to do a lobotomy from home" and "botched lobotomy help". Today, Harry's cool new robot was spotted limping after its leg was damaged. "I just made it do that to be more life-like".