Gubernatorial is right these dudes are GOOBS

If and ONLY if AI can teach me how to play Better off Alone on my son’s 8 note baby Einstein keyboard will I consider it something other than a complete and total failure

Got my Door Dash Wrapped and it just said I’m a nasty little hog 😔

Steph making the same face my baby makes when I do a raspberry on his tummy

Teehee I paid an Etsy witch to curse the opposing team! The witch cursing the 49ers:

No kings includes short kings 😔

Between this man and Wembanyama the French have not been this out of hand since Napoleon. Dangerous territory imho

Anyone with a contact to the federal immigration agents coming to the bay please put me in touch. I have credible information as to the location of bofa

Teared up a little this morning while reading the description for a children’s book being a parent is so dumb

Rich dickheads stop moving to cities that you don’t like challenge level impossible

Hope we get to see Kershaw cough it up at least one more time in the post season 🥺

All this for a podcaster

📢 Love, Ghostie is coming to NINTENDO SWITCH on OCT 1!! 📢 Be a ghost matchmaker and explore 60+ combinations of couples! 👻💘 I did the port myself, so sorry it took so long and thanks for your patience! Greatly appreciate any shares/help spreading the word!!

Seems important to mention now as a blue voter in California that Gavin Newsom eats major bung. Please don’t get fooled by this Napa Valley doofus.

If you’re the ones that just set off the firework that woke up my baby, come to my house rn so I can call you a loser ass dork to your face

Needed this reminder today.

It’s humiliating to say “yeah let me get the corn” at Chipotle and I can’t explain why.

Took my son with me to the 7/11 to cash in some scratchers because it’s important to share culture with new generations, even when that culture is just “white trash”.

Despite being 5'7" most of my adult life, during a medical exam today I was told I am 5'9". Finally hitting that age 36 growth spurt.

Been trying to write (and share that writing) more. Here are some things I have been working on. #writersky jmcgrizz.substack.com

It’s called Dave’s Killer Bread because it tastes so bad that you die

Men should be forced to watch women’s sports but it should be criminalized for them to comment on them in public

Who does Pat Spencer think he is

It’s teacher appreciation week!

Pat Spencer the enforcer

Tough thing about being active as a big dude is people look at you and just KNOW you have shin splints

Draymond really is one of one

So much dental work my mouth is like the Ship of Theseus

The Art of the Deal™️ (Do a takesies backsies)

Lol “Provocative” nyt get bent. Very provocative to pay more for worse avocados

Beloved athlete served his country because of woke

Same energy as my students that swear by Chat GPT and then get C’s on those papers

Seems insane the the government abducted a legal citizen because they don’t agree with their views and it’s not the headline for every major media publication in the world

governors should not have time to podcast

The heir apparent of the Democratic Party started a podcast (🤢), hosted a white nationalist, and proceeded to spew anti-trans rhetoric, in case you were wondering what it looks like to be a big ass loser baby

starting the DOE’s “final mission” to remove federal oversight from schools the same day you say protests on school campuses are punishable federally hell yeah dude we can just say and do whatever everything is meaningless

hardly our most pressing issue right now but if you go to a concert simply shut the fuck up while the music is being played

People that are like “my infant woke me up in the middle of the night but I still love him more than ever ❤️❤️” are such liars. Would love nothing more than to headbutt this little two week old into dust for waking me up at 4:30 on MY birthday.

The love I have for my new born is matched only by the hate I have for anyone making “Line Dry Only” baby stuff.

🐍🐍🐍My son was born on Lunar New Year🐍🐍🐍

[Nathan Fielder Voice]

Huge week for insurrectionists, Eagles and Chiefs both made the Super Bowl

“Government efficiency” includes hiring people to make sure no one is cyber bullying the President

In email to X staff, Musk says "user growth is stagnant, revenue is unimpressive, and we're barely breaking even"; sources: banks plan to sell their debt in X (Wall Street Journal) Main Link | Techmeme Permalink

Sucks that we will almost certainly see a sitting President with a regular podcast in our lifetime

Obviously it’s a dreadful nightmare what’s happening, but it is a *little* funny that he managed to do the literal NAZI salute in his over-eager-I’m-important-please-clap signature style. The Sieg heil equivalent of that little jumping jack he does.

Baby on Board but it’s a 3 month old landing a clean ass pop shove it

Pearsall a dog it seems

Feel strongly the drones are a setup for a Super Bowl commercial

How does a Giraffe swim?