Moin! Spieltag! The spare human had to do the prediction alone with me. So I got a 4th decoy plate in the kitchen while she set up the other three. Sadly I don’t think we’ll be successful today. #meow #svwfcsp #StPauli

Belly full of coq au vin. Obviously this will not prevent me from screaming for my tin in precisely 43 minutes and inhaling it like an urchin in a Dickens novel. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! We’ve had a fantastic start this season. I am therefore predicting an optimistic win. In other great news - the humans mentioned it’s coq au vin for dinner tonight. I’ll be circling the kitchen like a tiny shark in socks!!! #meow #StPauli #fcspb04

Moin! Spieltag! Drawli is back! The humans will be watching the game at the Eddie - join them if you’re in Brighton. Although I am very supportive of the humans watching football ball, they better be back in time to feed me my dinner. #meow #vfbfcsp #StPauli

Guess what? Dinner is late. I’ve been pestering the human for a full two hours and he doesn’t want to get up from the sofa to give me my tin. 😾 If I hadn’t had that piece of stinky fish as a reward for correctly predicting today’s result, I would be fading away right now. Not happy. #meow

Heimsieg, and now 4th in the table, as I predicted. 😼 I heard there’s an Ocado delivery coming later, with lots of meaty treats. A suitable reward for my excellent forecasting. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! I’m well enough to predict today’s game. It’ll be a win of course. There shouldn’t actually be a prediction today - my humans should still be on holiday. But thanks to me getting sick we’re all stuck at home… and you get your match forecast after all. You’re welcome. #meow #FCSPfca

Me sleeping soundly on the human‘s lap with a belly full of finest chicken filet, knowing that we could end up 4th after tomorrow‘s game, while HSV is stuck on the 17th. #meow

Good news! The humans think that I’ve overcome my little illness. Everything is back to normal - I’m meowing at the humans for food when they’re cooking and eating. Sadly, they still refuse to share, so I had to conduct a kitchen counter inspection for left overs. Humans not happy. #meow

Didn’t eat yesterday. Human panicked and brought home chicken filets. Now I’m feasting like royalty and refusing everything else - especially the other bowl that is laced with medicine. Demanding fresh chicken on meow, and fully exploiting this arrangement. Zero shame. #meow

I’m home from the hospital! Vet gave me a fur cut for the IV drips - do you like my new fancy boots? Thanks to my little illness the humans had to cancel their holiday. They should be on a plane to Prague now. Instead they will be spending the next week at home, tending to my many needs. #meow

Have been in cat hospital since yesterday as I was not getting better. Humans at home stressing, meanwhile I’m making besties with the nurses (they fell for my charm instantly). They offered tuna, I accepted…but growled to remind them it’s MINE now. I might get released tomorrow. Paws crossed! #meow

2nd trip to the vet and some more tests as I‘m still feeling poorly. Vet reckons it’s just virus. Paws crossed I‘m back to my old self soon. Humans are trying to get back in the good books by delivering some chicken to my hiding spot. But 2 vet visits in 2 days is really a bit much to forgive. #meow

Maybe eating that tortilla wasn’t my smartest move. Feeling a bit unwell. When I didn’t eat my breakfast today, the humans got very concerned, put me in the dreaded bag and took me to the vet. They promised me the finest organic chicken breast filets from Waitrose to help me get better. #meow

The humans finally had their Derbysieg celebration steaks! And they had the audacity to lock me out while eating. Apparently, I can’t be trusted after the tortilla incident. They even waved the steak in front of me while I was stuck outside! But don’t worry… I did get my share in the end. #meow 🤎🤍

Shops were closed after the game - sadly no celebratory rump steak. But I guild-tripped the spare human into handing over most of her wild-caught salmon filet. No one can resist the sad eyes of a cat that has never been fed in its entire life. #meow #Derbysieger #Hamburgistbraunweiß 🤎🤍

DERBYSIEGER! HAnd top of the table! Hamburg ist braun-weiß. 🤎🤍 Fully expecting a big rump steak as a reward for correctly predicting today’s result. #meow

Seven day Minecraft ban. #meow

Dino sirloin medium rare please. #meow

Very one-sided. It’s a bit of a mismatch. Reminiscent of a Tortilla (HSV) v Cat (Pauli) #forzastpauli

St Pauli is bossing HSV around in their own stadium like I boss the humans around the house. #meow

Guess who’s just barfed up an entire tortilla (on the carpet of course)? Turns out it wasn’t to my taste after all. #meow

Apparently, while the humans were out last night, a tortilla vanished from its packaging on the kitchen counter. They seem to believe I was somehow involved. I suggest we stop dwelling on this unproven allegation and instead concentrate on today’s derby win. #meow

Moin! Derbyspieltag! Predicting a win today. St. Ellingen won’t stand a chance. Usual reminder that all my predictions are, of course, strictly impartial. #meow #hsvFCSP #StPauli #Derbysieg

Nothing beats a 7:10am bank holiday showdown with the neighbour’s cat. Human ran outside in PJs yelling my name, woke the whole street. Treats cancelled. Worth it. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! Another season in the top league starts and, of course, your favourite top-league cat is back with first-class predictions. Predicting an optimistic win today. #meow #FCSPbvb #StPauli

Absolutely melting hot over here. Deployed my best “tragic feline” act - big puma-style stretch on the carpet. Human fell for it and delivered a chicken ice cream tribute (aka frozen Lickitreat). Feeling refreshed, smug, and ready to commit mild chaos in the garden. #meow

Awful day so far! Pic 1: Being upset after a big fight with the new neighbourhood cat. Lost some of my precious fluff. Pic 2: Watching my territory… from the safe indoors. Pic 3: Thunder & lightning giving me my 2nd fright of the day. Hiding now. Silver lining: Drama tax collected (in treats). #meow

One of us is certainly enjoying this more than the other one. It’s incredible what I’m willing to tolerate for a little splash of milk… #meow

Human is watching TV, I’m watching opportunity. She’s munching one end of the corn. Unnoticed by the human I casually help myself to the other. We made eye contact mid-bite. She’s traumatized. I’m full. 10/10 would do again. #meow #SharingIsCaring #CornHeist 🌽

Moin! Final Spieltag! I’m predicting one last home win and hope we’ll be celebrating the end of the season and our Klassenerhalt with a steak dinner. #meow #fcspboc #StPauli

I just picked up my stinky fish treat for correctly predicting today’s result. Bundesliga for another year, an increase of my food rations would be more than appropriate. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! We need a draw at least. The humans gave me some fancy cat soup to help me make the right decision (chicken flavour - my favourite). Paws crossed. #meow #sgefcsp #StPauli

The human made himself a Sunday brunch sausage sandwich. He guarded it like some sort of treasure. Through a masterclass in strategic staring, subtle paw placement, and just the right amount of tragic meowing, I convinced him to surrender a portion. Victory is mine. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! Predicting a surprise win for St Pauli. Totally unrelated, but the Stuttgart bowl mysteriously smelled like betrayal and my monthly flea medicine. Nice try, human. #meow #FCSPVfB #Heimsieg

Where’s my reward for correctly predicting today’s result @brightonstpauli.com? Chop chop, I’m waiting. #meow

Moin, Spieltag! Drawli reporting for duty: another draw incoming! The humans are grumbling - apparently we desperately need a win today. I just hope they don’t cut my stinky fish rations over this... #meow #svwfcsp #StPauli #fcsp

Thanks to everyone asking if I got my reward for nailing today’s prediction. Obviously. Finest tuna, served promptly. Currently digesting on the spare human like the royalty I am. Belly fluffs included. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! Predicting an optimistic draw. It’s looking increasingly likely that we’re going to stay up this season, with a 7 point lead and only 4 games to play for the teams below us. I’m very invested in this as I’ve been promised a big feast 🍗 if we manage the Klassenerhalt. #meow #FCSPB04

The humans knitted me a tiny, cat-sized beret. And now they won’t stop trying to put it on my head like I’m some kind of fashion accessory. I do not wear hats. I’ve made this very clear. This account is now a hat-free zone. Respect my boundaries. #meow

Where‘s my reward? Expecting an extra piece of stinky fish and a share of your dinner. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! Predicting a much needed win. The team better start following my instructions, else we’ll play in a different league next season. 😾 #meow #ksvfcsp #StPauli

The humans got me a new brush because apparently, decorating the house with my majestic floof is ‘inconvenient’. This is just two days of brushing - can you believe it? I keep telling them: I’m not plump, I’m just super fluffy. #meow

The humans have finally come to their senses and reinstated my cat tree in the conservatory. About time! Now I can roast myself in the midday sun like a fancy croissant in my cozy cave. And the upper shelves? Perfect for surveying my kingdom and silently judging the pigeons. Life is good. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! After intense negotiations, I’ve secured a landmark trade deal with the penguins of Heard Island: unlimited fish imports, zero tariffs, and no questions asked. Now, to more important matters - I’m predicting a win for St. Pauli over Gladbach today. You heard it here first. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! Bayern are so much better than the rest of the league, we literally put them on a pedestal. Predicting an optimistic draw. #meow #fcbfcsp #fcsp

Moin! Spieltag! It’s time for a win. Predicting a Heimsieg. #meow #fcsptsg #StPauli

Had an exhausting patrolling my garden for rogue pigeons, meowing at the humans for food and being adorable. Zonked out now on the spare human’s lap. Sound on to hear me snore like a tiny, overworked tractor. #meow

Moin! Spieltag! After careful consideration (aka napping on my favourite blanket) I’m predicting a win. #meow #wobfcsp

Happy Pancake Day 🥞 to all humans and their felines. Nom nom nom! #meow