boy what in the god damn fuck is this

i think we should abandon all wars, trade, and giving people aid and focus on a deeper, more important worldwide shared goal: create enough boats and ships to raise the ocean a full inch everywhere due to displacement

I just had an idea: round banana

I know this will be a hot take but I don’t think an entire bottle of sprite is the right drink for an 8 year old at 11:30 at night but this iPad kids mom clearly disagrees with me

genuine laugh at the prospect I may need to prove to a grocery store cashier that I’m Kendrick Lobstar to redeem these coupons

don’t tell my wife I bought another machine

I think I just saw a bumper sticker that said “SHOW ME YOUR TITS AND I’LL LET YOU MERGE” how would that work when they’re behind you?? (the car merging and the tits within it)

I think it’s awesome that when cloudflare goes down the entire Internet goes down too. It’s really awesome that we created the internet entirely on the backbone of only like 4 companies

no refunds

if you’re near an Ocean State Job Lot, their warehouse just sent another round of pallets to stores, but beware people are taking the only good one (chili mac) and leaving all the worst (veggie crumbles, tortellini in tomato sauce)

i dislike AI but Shopify needs to implement something where I can just clone my entire existing Etsy and Square without having to rebuild the entire shop portfolio

Business Gengar and Bush's Disaster Phone listings are finally fixed on Etsy if your order was declined earlier -- the new store will be up next week with more items and less hassle

imagine having to explain to your family you’re bankrupt because Mr Beast loaned you money for a burrito at 100% APR

Etsy come the FUCK ON ITS A CHAMBER FLAG this shit is getting out of hand

someone needs to make a MassGrave-style activator but for Adobe, I am so tired of Adobe's bullshit

stupid MRI lady she asked me if I had recent tattoos but didn’t ask if I’ve recently swallowed 500 ball bearings? Bing bong janice I’m gonna change your life forever

new stuff live in the shop YOUR HONOR ROLL STUDENT IS ON FENT and 1738 are limited to 50 of each.

They should have Werner Herzog voice Yoshi in the next Mario movie, even if he only ever says “yoshi”

hey lunchables what am I supposed to do with the unsliced ham tube

instead of using AI I’m just gonna tag Ocean Spray Cranberry and ask them if things I see online are real or not

yesterday I had a job candidate say to me, “I think of myself as the Dwight Schrute of my team” and honestly I’m not 100% sure what I’m supposed to take away from that statement

you’re telling me these zombies got DDDDDD’s?? hubba hubba, sign me up! m’am, hello

in a Canadian Rainforest Cafe listening to an extremely muffled Bruno Mars blasting and the creaking of an animatronic Gorilla from 1986

midwestern guy who’s never been to NYC but loves the Sopranos: look at what they’re doing to my city

cuomo fans online losing it tonight

all the lawyers in the chat please give a Socratic “lol, lmao even”

when is the last time social media had a true “poster” on i? like a real Priest John S Bulla schizo type guy, or guy pretending to be his wife, or a guy pretending to be his wife to trick other guys pretending to be their wife into sending them pics of his wife

I didn’t look at the listing when I bought it

if any air traffic controller at Boston Logan wants to ensure my flight is worry free I’ve got a cool crisp $10 bill waiting for you

If I die on this flight because the government is too stupid to be able to operate, please ensure that Bruno Mars is thrown in my grave so that he is forced to assist me in the underworld for eternity

disgusting— what would Mother think of this??

insurance premiums went up,and I’m sorry folks— I have no choice but to start scamming your grandmothers

finding a guard from Squid Game, a Wonder Woman, and two Minions knocking on my door

if a single kid says “6 7” to me this Halloween I am going to fight their parents

happy Halloween each kid gets (1) piece of candy, (2) pieces if they can convince me the moon landing was real

I made a patch I cannot sell

i have updated my prospectus -- it should be clamped to your dick and balls instead

touchscreen DnD dice roller, uses an ESP32 board and a web flasher

all social media should require your keyboard mounted inside the Dune box and it’s actively hurting you before you’re allowed to post

idk which one of you keeps signing me up for random ass email lists but you should know the Le Luna Bakery and Cafe won an award apparently

My Instagram feed is trying to convince me I need to leave my wife and kids and move to Ulaanbaatar to pick up throat singing

oh hell yeah baby it’s MRE time

I built my kids a whole new high end gaming computer, and it turns out they're way more excited about this Bongo Cat monitor i built for it that types when you type instead

Mickey put them dogs AWAY, god damn

if only a few things went differently earlier in your life, you would have woken up this morning as a guy who spends each day dressing and thinking like he’s in Assassin's Creed for real

every time I see people arguing online they always both look like they exclusively drink water directly from a Walgreens bathroom sink

stuck behind a lady that smells like Olive Garden

24 year old cocaine Grimes girlie behind the wheel of a 2003 Buick seconds before she flattens a family of 4: I love my life!!!!!

“Dad!! I can’t find a [usb cable I have bought 50 of]” is the bane of my existence