it took me a decade but I figured out how to finally enjoy social media, it’s a revelation

“Dad!! I can’t find a [usb cable I have bought 50 of]” is the bane of my existence

rainbow rupees available now too

at the ren faire eating a turkey leg with a GameStop manager and a wench

all these guys losing it for Judy Hopps when the true baddie is Diane Foxington

I’m gonna find whatever son of a bitch introduced the concept of Labubu’s to my 7 year old— I just wann talk to you with my fists

HOMANDER patch now live at klmedia.etsy.com

BUSINESS GENGAR IS DEPRESSED patch now live at klmedia.etsy.com

on an Amtrak eating banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery with a baby

you can only litter during the day here

we gotta make train rides more exciting 3.5h in a straight line? how about a wicked sudden right angle every once in a while

look at this doofus ass chair

Man: “…and that’s why I feel, you know, like maybe I need to start my life over again.” Therapist Moth: “I see, I see— hey, do you have a cell phone? Let’s go ahead and just pop that flashlight on for me real quick”

[my hand trembling over a loaded gun] there’s… nothing like… a Jet2Holiday

no no, thats a feature of my products

Obama but he wants to be on a now-cancelled but beloved TV show starring Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond: uhh let me be on Top Gear

when your supplier asks if you want to pay more per piece to have the backer placed before shipment, answer “yes” because this shit sucks

new patch day babey, coming to the shop soon

time to build a new computer and say “gosh look at these prices”

this graphic novel is the most worn out of any on these shelves

do you think the parks service will let me drop a ham off of here if I give them $20

selling it for $6.99 and you can’t even clean up the print? shameful

my kid just did the “oOooOooOOo… dorite” twiddly long fingers and carefully took a single Dorito from the bowl, gently put it in his mouth and then went “I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE” the moment it hit his tongue because they’re the spicy masala ones

ROUNDMEAL or LO MEIN CUBE, you must decide

(Hank hill voice) I went to the store and the lady said because I spent a hundred dollars I could “pick out a Lambambu doll” I don’t even know what it is, it’s like a got dang little ghoul or something

Look at this guy having the time of his life

my kid walked up and handed this to me and said “we’re prepared for World War Thr-ehhehehehe” in the Scooby Doo voice

i love when I get an APO address-- remember, if your commander says you can't wear it, I will exchange a copy of your formal counseling statement for a full refund and a patch that says "MY COMMAND CAN EAT MY ASS"

I got to the border and the Canadian guard stared me directly in the eyes and asked me twice if I was bringing firearms into the country

I heard a ghastly sounding woman in the airport say “ChatGPT— how much did I spend on this matcha??” into her phone about her drink

if you go barefoot in an airport you should be forced to fly in the bottom of the plane with the luggage

if I die on this flight, please ensure that Bruno Mars is buried with me so I can kick his ass for all eternity in hell

looks delicious

in Toronto trying to negotiate the return of Ted Cruz

making a special patch for all the people in my replies when I have a hit tweet

I saw one of those engagement bait posts that was like “fight a lion or eat 900 cantaloupes in a single year” and I laughed like duh the cantaloupes until I thought about it and even if you only had small ones every day that’s like diarrhea city for sure

[seeing my boy Kyle’s new girlfriend is a demonic undead 1600’s Celtic sea-witch and taking him aside to whisper to him] bro, she is… so

ugh i’m gonna have to sell so many fucking stickers

doing the Jamiroquai slide towards a delicious ass hoagie

I was stocking the fridge in the kitchen area outside my office when my kids logged into Spotify at home, cranked up the volume, changed it to play on my phone, and blasted “Hedgehog on a Roomba” across my office speakers

having to fully re-edit and re-photo every listing one by one because Square won’t cleanly port to Shopify,,,,,,,,,,, everyone involved with Square, I truly wish you will never see the light of heaven

PSA gang: check your trees before you cut down limbs because sometimes there’s an bunch of fucken angry little assholes waiting for you in it

years ago I was doing consultancy work with a guy who’s would secretly seed text “unlicensed BBL” into any sites or files he worked on and sometimes I wonder if a Google SEO intern was looking at a graph of “unlicensed BBL” content spiking after 2019 like “…well that’s strange

“She’s a 10 but she’s quirky and has stuffed animals, you still into it?” my brother in ugly you are a New England 3, you should be content with any woman who doesn’t try to euthanize you like a lame horse

my kid keeps asking if we can pull over on our trip so he can vlog

the first one wasn’t cherry flavored maybe this one will be

I’m gonna eat this

crazy how a real bear also looks and walks like a man in a bear suit pretending to be a bear would look and walk