I'm moving to Jeopardy, wherever that is. Seemingly that's where all the job are.

Phew! It was just a gaffe.....I thought for a minute I'd fallen asleep and missed nine world wars.

When you feel compelled to assert dogmatic certainty about lofty metaphysical matters, remember: you probably don’t even fully understand how a vacuum cleaner works.

Some weirdo in my house is eating eggs in odd numbers.....

Stumbled upon a Facebook group "Preppers" discussing their plans if there's a nuclear war. my plan: stand outside with a beer, wait for the flash, and then jump and try to make a funny silhouette on the wall of my house.

Happy St Patrick's Day....the day when the entire Western world pretends it Irish.... except the Scots.... they're still Scottish.

Because when I eat a duck called Trevor I rename him Confit de Trévoreaux, which sounds much more expensive and impresses my guests. Not to mention, saying "we're having Trevor with plum sauce" just sounds weird.

Bias is a funny thing. You don't think you suffer it until someone you hate makes a great point or says something very funny.

Considering switching careers to something: (1) less reliant on living the zombie life by staring at screens most of the working day, (2) that's not so vulnerable to being replaced by AI within 5-10 years tops, (3) preferably in the music industry.

A Polish surname living in the US.....irony is lost on this guy....

Sometimes I put my headset on even when I have no meeting so I can pretend I'm a pilot like I wanted to be 30 years ago ....

Wuthering Heights....what a load of old pish. 2/5.

It sounds like my neighbours are listening to Iron Maiden this morning. Sure, it's coming from my speakers, but still.

Trying to be more positive....

If Trump was European, he'd be saying more American soldiers died in Afghanistan because they just weren't as good.

The USA is not our ally. Stop pretending it is, and treat it accordingly.

They're bringing back Clippy over at Twitter....

The world is bad, but here's a poem about the power of poetry to put things right.....

Toilets for other academics versus toilets for philosophers.....

"We will of course be pursuing this directly with the US administration." Use small words. Bring crayons.

For the love of all that is good and holy: stop obsessing over the news, folks. The doom-mongering is no accident. It's quite deliberately designed to keep you anxious, because fear keeps you plugged into it. Keep informed, sure, but keep it limited. You'll thank me later.

Trump to Iranians: "help is on the way." Inside my head.....

Setting up a new password.....

Just for a laugh, Denmark should sell Greenland to China.

So far three grown ass men have burst into tears on The Traitors. Dry up, for dear sake. #TheTraitors

Dear America, you love your guns, right? You want to stay armed because the "only thing that can stop bad men with guns is good men with guns", right? Well....it seems now is your chance to step up.

Cool story. So were the plagues.

The USA is fond of pedalling the myth that everyone needs them and they need no-one. Fine. Let them have no-one. Isolate them. Let them wallow in pariah status for a while. We'll chat again when they sort their government out.

Tell you what. America can take Greenland from Denmark if over 50% of Americans can locate Greenland and Denmark on a map. The Danes can thank me later.

A confrontation between the EU/UK and the USA isn't going to end well for anyone. And yet this US regime is threatening to take us there. I only hope my own country's leaders have the balls to support and defend Denmark if it comes to it.

I hope Keir Starmer and the rest of the UK government can find a set of balls quickly because this US administration is quickly becoming tyrannically bullish. If Trump eyes Greenland are you just going to sit on your asses "analysing the situation"?

It's OK, folks, he's going to Make Venezuela Great Again.

I brought some Christmas joy to a wee pensioner last night. She was in front of me in the queue at Tesco and her shopping came to £53.74. When she counted out her change she only had £48.50. She told me not to help her, but I insisted and we had her items reshelved in no time at all.

I never realise how tired I am until I have a few days off and actually stop.

When Jesus goes shopping...

Joseph's da when his son told him: "So, yeah, Mary's pregnant, but the baby isn't mine. It's God's baby!"

This is a very fair, compassionate, and rational comment on the murder of Charlie Kirk that avoids the hysteria so rampant on both sides.

1. I've no time for Tommy Robinson 2. These people have every right to protest as citizens of the UK whether I approve of them or not. 3. These aren't your bloody streets.

Interesting development.... stay tuned to see where this one goes....

Those who would celebrate such a political assassination lack empathy, rationality, and humanity. They can't be reasoned with. They know little shame. Do to them what Charlie Kirk did: hand them a microphone and let the world see & hear the blackness of their souls.

Apparently Utah allows for execution by firing squad in certain circumstances. That would be poetic justice.

Charlie Kirk shooter named as Tyler Robinson. Apparently his own father turned him in. Way to go Dad. Let's have justice, and if proven guilty, maybe even the death penalty??

Don't bother with the moral pretence in calling someone a nazi or a [insert word]-ophobe and then being the one to celebrate their death with glee. You're not morally superior. You're just a bit of a cunt. But thanks for publicising who you are.

Stupid butterflies trying to make me read their special book and go to their church.....

Woke up in Northern Ireland to the sound of drums and the scent of wood smoke - so either it’s the Twelfth of July celebrations or my neighbours have started a Viking cult.

Thank you for your service, Emma! The sandwiches were great!

Trump didn't "drop an F-Bomb." He said "fuck." Are you 8 years old & telling the teacher?

So sick of "AI Solutions" marketing themselves as producing "professional sounding" content. AI output doesn't sound professional. It sounds like a stupid person's idea of what professional sounds like.

Right....this is annoying me.... before we have World War Three can we agree if we're calling it WW3 or WWIII?

The Iranian attack on US military in Qatar reminds me of when Daniel was 3 and in a temper tantrum he lobbed some beanbags at me.